Thank you (11/52)

Snip snap, snip snap, It's ringing clear,

Combing out, cutting through my month long harvest.

***

Every damn time. Every damn time that I get my hair cut, these two lines getting on in my head. The two lines above are the offspring of a misguided sense of rhyming and a purpose to achieve poetic excellence, inside the mind of a 12 year old me. With a tune of its own when it is sung in my head, I'm pretty sure that this is as close as it gets to the Smelly Cat song by Phoebe from Friends. Because I do remember my friends reading the lines and making a not-so-offended face. Some even complimented.

Speaking of compliments, Narender who was my hair stylist for the day, decided to shower me with some. "Sir, you have such good thick hair. Not so oily as the other people who come here." And if that wasn't enough, "But your face is oily, which gives you a tan. If you use a oil clear face wash, you will become fairer."

Now, let me be frank with you. I don't know how to handle compliments. Even at the most genuine of compliments, I respond with a weak smile, and a quick word to change the course of the subject. It probably has everything to do with my tendency to analyze everything from a critically pessimistic angle. If you still don't believe me, let me tell you that the first thought that went through my head when Ammu said "I love you" to me was "now what is she planning on gaining from this lie?"

I can accept compliments and the like, as long as they are backed up with verifiable facts and figures. For example, I am okay with the following compliments.

•  "Hari, you are really tall." - I am after all 6 foot plus.
• "You are skinny" - I am below my ideal body weight.
• "You act like a child." - Said right after I spent 10 minutes holding a phone high up in the air, so that a short person can't reach it.
• "You are good at football in FIFA." - I do have my fair share of victories off the pitch
• "You excel in Excel." - well, eight years of spreadsheets surely helped.

But at the same time, the following compliments make me queasy,

• "You are looking fairer/darker than the last time I met you." - from every relative I visit once in a blue moon.
• "You have gained weight since the last time I met you." - see above.
• "You look good in this dress." - This makes me question their sense of fashion. Because the first dress that I brought for myself had two tears through the middle with a red background. And I wore it because I thought it would be cool to look like you have been slashed across your chest by Wolverine

Coming back to Narender, I looked up and said "Thanks" with the sort of confidence I usually reply with when someone compliments my height - thanks to the fact that Ammu has been persistent enough in her endeavor to make me accept some of my better aspects. And I am able to say thanks a bit more openly, freely now.

***

You should say thanks too. To that person who cut you in the queue this past week, so that you coffee was delayed. To that car which stopped at the yellow signal, which meant that you had to wait for the signal to turn green. To that person who attended the interview with you, and got that job ahead of you, which is why you are at your present job. To that baby in the lift with you, who captured your attention for a full three seconds, so that you took the wrong turn on getting off the lift.

All these people made sure that you were late to arrive at where you are now. And wherever you are now is exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment in time. It could be intoxicatingly happy, mindnumbingly mundane, or exasperatingly sad - but whatever you have - health, wealth, happiness, time, family, friends, career, love, a clean conscience - it is because you went through the path you have.

So once again, please do thank those whom you thought acted against you.

Petrol, time and a question (10/52)

If the recent chats feel like an assortment of random strips of thoughts, please feel reassured that it's very much intentional. I'm unable to put my mind on any one subject long enough to gather a clear train of thought. I'm unable to add anything worthwhile to these public discussions, and hence I refrain from screaming into these online echo chambers. The topics of #metoo, Sabarimala and more will be discussed, but in due course.

Let's start for today, shall we?

***

Let's assume that there's this unique item in the world called One Of A Kind, OOAK in short. Let's also assume that a lot of economic jargon affects the price of OOAK, but it's controlled by the owner, Mr Z. What's more, let us assume that Mr Z has posted an Ad that he himself stars in, at the exit of every store selling OOAK. 

If Mr Z was expecting a positive feeling towards him, unfortunately, the placement of this Ad had an effect just the opposite of what was intended.

Now, let's assume that the price of OOAK has reached levels never seen before. And we all are finding it hard to accept the same. Every time we remove myself from the store after paying a high price, we are now reminded of just who is responsible.

In other news, there are rumors that Ads with our respected Prime Minister have been made mandatory at all petrol pumps.

***

Having to chose only two out of Time, Money and Friends is an age old adage. And recently, I'm feeling more in agreement with the same.

During the years between 2006-2010, when I was in college, I had a lot of time and a lot of friends, but a very limited amount of money. Yet, we made most of what we had.

Between 2012-2016, the early stage of my career, I had money and time, but lesser number of friends. Yet, we made most of what we had.

Since 2016, I have had money and friends, but time is now of the essence. For any sort of get together to take place, the sun, the moon, the stars and the whims of our bosses to grant us leave have to align perfectly.

But like before, we are to make the most of what we have.

***

Now for helping me sort out my thoughts on the Sabarimala topic, I hope someone can help me with this doubt I am having. It is said that entry of women to Sabarimala was restricted because Swami Ayyappan wants to remain celibate. If that is the case, how are women allowed in all the other temples where they have the Ayyapa Idol. I know temples where the main deity is Ayyapan and where no such restrictions exists. Aren't all the rules supposed to be applied the same everywhere??

Nokia, Sony and Open Mics (9/52)

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If you haven't linked the picture with the code yet, it translates to

"Da.. Sir came. Come fast"

Nokia 1100 and its peers were instrumental in fabricating the pioneers in under the table texting. But only people of a certain age will remember them. And yes, I'm old enough to be in that category.

 

Coming from that age, and looking over the current crop of people, I find them to have it easy. They have a whole keyboard to type and a HUGE screen to read from; they can swipe over the letters to make words; they can write the words on screen for the system to type out. The options are many. And this leads us to the lazy ones who have it easy - those who would rather record their voice and press send.

The intention of the chat was not to point fingers, but I'm talking to YOU - you know who you are, and you better not be sending me voice clips again.

***

In other news, I finally brought a PlayStation4 - after half a decade of "Should I or Shouldn't I?". The pointer was pushed onto the BUY side as a result of the sale going on at Amazon, where I got around 10k reduction in the price. Now, as per the history of my luck, they would launch the new version of PlayStation next month. At least that is what has happened with all of my phone purchases till date.

And yes, the rumours are true. I'm using the PlayStation to stream videos on Amazon Prime. But only when I'm taking a food break from playing FIFA - which is a marvel for me. I made the jump from FIFA 13 to FIFA 18 and got to witness what all has changed in one go. And it is a weird feeling to have a legitimate game in your house.

***

Before we wind up for the day, I would like to inform you of something. We had ventured inside a vegetarian restaurant the last Sunday (not this Sunday), and were treated to an unexpected "Open Mic". Unexpected only for us, as they had planned this out. We went into have coffee and vada, and were treated to a good hour of StandUp - which somehow put the idea in my head that I should do it.

I have been told that my online personality is a much better person than me in real life - mostly because you can't get my online self to shut up. If I'm able to channel the same to the real life, I will have something to work with. And instead of having to come up with bits, I'm planning to use my personal brand of self depreciation and life experiences to tickle the funny bone. I even have my opening bit sorted out.

***

"Do you know which kind of babies are weird? The ones who just won't smile at you. You can make all the stupid faces in the world, and they would just keep starring at you unimpressed. I have a nephew like that. And I'm sure what he would go on to become, when he grows up. He will be the one coming to Open Mics like this, to keep starring at the comedian like all of you."

Hopefully, cue laughter. Let me know.

Be Myself (8/52)

"We are two normal people in a normal relationship. There is nothing extraordinary about us. We need to work extra hard to make things special."

I don't remember where I heard that from last week, but it has been resonating in my head for long enough to be the beginning of our conversation today. And it made me want to talk about marriage.

It is really disheartening that the subject of post-marriage relationship is not put under more scrutiny in the mainstream media. Obviously that was bound to happen, with it being the less glamorous cousin of whatever comes before the marriage. It is a sketchy subject to talk about, because any and all ambiguity will be construed to be a reflection of the author's own dilemma.

The first and most important marriage advice that I have received till date is as follows.

"Marriage is always a negotiation. Everything will have to discussed and resolved. From the level of sugar in tea to the speed of the fan in the bedroom. Everything."

And with such levels of negotiation, it is imperative that changes happen in our behavior. If any of my friends are meeting me after a gap of three years or so, they would be surprised to see how much I've changed - not for good or for bad, but for my better half. And she has done the same for me.

But why would you go to the extend of changing two decades of your habit for another person's comfort? Because they are willing to let you be the person whom you thought you never could be. We all grow up with strict instructions on widely accepted norms on behavior and thoughts. We refrain ourselves from expressing ourselves as we want to, for the sake of not having to explain to your family, to the society.

But with Ammu, I can be myself finally. I don't have to hide my thoughts and behaviors, because she would not judge me. I can be weak or strong; vulnerable or domineering; sulk or be spontaneous - it doesn't matter as long as I'm honest with her. And it is not a one way street - she does the same too.

And we find this to be highly liberating. To be able to express yourself without any inhibition is a bliss in itself, and I hope we all can feel the same at some point in life.

***

LAZY AS....PART 2 (7/52)

Why is that one of the many, myriad things which irritate me is when people fail to comprehend something the way I do? And why does the same always surprise me? Is it not a fairly common phenomenon? Or is it because of my inability to wrap my mind around the concept that different people have different views?

At some point of time, have you ever felt happy for someone else, while being sad for yourself? Or have you felt happy for yourself, but sad for someone else? Have you not wished that there would be a single word these?

Are you now wondering why I am on this particular rant? Aren't you a little miffed that it took me 12 days to get back to you after the last time we talked? Or am I being presumptuous in my evaluation of your feelings? Should I bring you a box of tissues?

Will it be enlightening to know that this is the result of one person making fun of my all question chat that I once written? Are you not familiar with the "Is this the Incoherent ramblings of an Incompetent Mind?"? Is this my way of petty way of showing that person that I don't care what they think?

Or is the title unambiguous enough to let you that I'm running short of time and making a hotchpotch? What does the Part 2 in the title mean? Would you like to know more? Have you not wondered what the script writers in Television series do when they run out of ideas and time? Would it be amiss to presume that you have noticed the episodes with a higher dose of flashbacks? Are you still wondering if that is not exactly what I am going to do now?

***

1. Would you like to know the part one of this particular chat? Would you please click on this link to know more?

2. What were my thoughts when the present Government at the Centre came to power four years ago? Would you like to know how I evaluate them by their performance? Can you wait a little longer?

3. How did I propose to my dear Ammu? Would you believe that I made her change her answer online from "I Love You" to "YES", as the latter was the appropriate and intended answer?

4. Would you believe that I actually wrote one chat by hand and posted the pictures online on the first anniversary of writing weekly? Will such a special one be waiting for you at the end of this series?

5. Did you know that in April 2014 I had written a blog titled "Accidents Happen"? Do you know that it was about the perfect mismatch I have ever seen? Would you correctly guess the answer as immensely happy, if you were to ask me how those two are doing now?

***

Are you wondering what is it with me and the number five? Would you be happy to know that it was because I initially started blogging to discuss five points every week? Are you bored of me asking me all these questions?