Be Myself (8/52)

"We are two normal people in a normal relationship. There is nothing extraordinary about us. We need to work extra hard to make things special."

I don't remember where I heard that from last week, but it has been resonating in my head for long enough to be the beginning of our conversation today. And it made me want to talk about marriage.

It is really disheartening that the subject of post-marriage relationship is not put under more scrutiny in the mainstream media. Obviously that was bound to happen, with it being the less glamorous cousin of whatever comes before the marriage. It is a sketchy subject to talk about, because any and all ambiguity will be construed to be a reflection of the author's own dilemma.

The first and most important marriage advice that I have received till date is as follows.

"Marriage is always a negotiation. Everything will have to discussed and resolved. From the level of sugar in tea to the speed of the fan in the bedroom. Everything."

And with such levels of negotiation, it is imperative that changes happen in our behavior. If any of my friends are meeting me after a gap of three years or so, they would be surprised to see how much I've changed - not for good or for bad, but for my better half. And she has done the same for me.

But why would you go to the extend of changing two decades of your habit for another person's comfort? Because they are willing to let you be the person whom you thought you never could be. We all grow up with strict instructions on widely accepted norms on behavior and thoughts. We refrain ourselves from expressing ourselves as we want to, for the sake of not having to explain to your family, to the society.

But with Ammu, I can be myself finally. I don't have to hide my thoughts and behaviors, because she would not judge me. I can be weak or strong; vulnerable or domineering; sulk or be spontaneous - it doesn't matter as long as I'm honest with her. And it is not a one way street - she does the same too.

And we find this to be highly liberating. To be able to express yourself without any inhibition is a bliss in itself, and I hope we all can feel the same at some point in life.

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