On my rear view mirror

On my rear view mirror is 2013, and boy was it something.

It started off with the hope of something better - landing a Govt job, and comes to an end with the hope of something better - following my dreams. As a personal exercise, I checked on the main events that happened to me over the past 12 months. You are welcome to read what I found out.

In JANUARY, I wrote an exam, cleared it successfully and was called for my first interview for a Govt job.

And so, I spent FEBRUARY dreaming about all the good things that it will bring to my life, especially the chance it'll give me to move back to the south.

By the time MARCH rolled out, I was dumped out of the interview unceremoniously. The dream castles I had built over a month came crashing down, leaving me with nothing, but nightmares.

APRIL turned out to be the worst month in my life till now. Depressed would be an understatement. I took a temporary absence from all social networks and did some soul searching. In the midst of all this, I started BLOGGING again.

MAY saw my best friend for over three years leave town - to join at the same govt job that I had also given interview for. He was in another branch, so it wasn't like he took my job. But the fact that he will get to enjoy the dreams that I so dearly loved pushed me further into chaos.

And out of that chaos was born a thrust - a thrust to push me in a direction that I never wanted to go in. To take risks, and to let go of my conventionalism. Hence, JUNE saw the birth of a new me.

JULY was witness to the efforts that I undertook to explore the opportunities for achieving what I wanted.

And AUGUST brought me back to reality. I realized that I would have to do something completely crazy to achieve what I wanted.

SEPTEMBER was spent brooding over the pros and cons of taking such a crazy decision.

OCTOBER had me struck down with Jaundice, confining me to the bed for most parts of it. But at the same time, it gave me an opportunity to come back to my hometown and do some further feasibility study for taking my crazy decision.

NOVEMBER presented me with a genuine cause, which made my crazy decision look slightly less crazy. And so I put in my papers at the job I had for 40 months, with just the minimum idea on what I'm going to do in the future.

DECEMBER is currently enjoying watching the effect of its 11 predecessors on me. Like I said last week, I'm 25 years old, unemployed, single, broke and living with my parents. It can't get any worse than this [I sincerely hope so].

***

It is the darkest before the dawn. I believe that you have to get used to being in pitch black darkness to be sure of seeing the single ray of light, when it shines down upon you. You'll then follow it out into the sunshine, where you eyes will be blinded by the sudden increase in contrast. When you finally come to your proper senses, you'll notice that it is another struggle. But now, you'll be better equipped to deal with all the crap that life throws at you - cos you know you overcame it once.

***

Looking away from the rear view mirror, I see intertwining paths before me, which run off into the horizon. I don't know how good or bad each path will be to me. I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I want to try each and every one of them. But for now, I've chosen one path, and it is through that path that I'll explore the year 2014.

When, and if, I do a review of 2014 one year from now, I'll look back on 2013, and think "That! That my friends was the turning point in my life." I just don't know whether it'll in a good sense, or bad.

Better late than never (5 things - Week 39)

1. I'm 25 years old. - born on the 26th of December, 1988.

2. I'm unemployed. - left my job on the 9th of December, 2013.

3. I'm single. - as a part of my involuntary celibacy.

4. I'm broke. -  wiser men have deduced that this might have something to do with point no.2.*

5. I'm living with my parents. - mainly cos I don't want to announce pauper status right now.*

But in the middle of all this, I'm happy. The wiser men are still figuring out how that is possible.

***

Yesterday, I went to a friend's home. The last time I was there was some 5 years ago. So, as you can guess, I had a hard time remembering the way. All I knew was the colour of his house and the last turn I had to make before I reached there. This was a journey where you know the destination by how it'll be rather than by a name. Fortunately, I didn't end up knocking on a stranger's door.

But the strange part of the journey was reaching that junction, making that turn, trying to see if that is the correct way to the intended place. You feel your heartbeat revving up, making a significant higher amount of 'dap-dap'. It's a great feeling to have, and one I hope I'll have soon in the journey of Life.

***

I don't know how to say this subtly, so I'm going to put it out there bluntly - it was my birthday yesterday. A quarter of  a century has been spent by yours truly - wallowing in the sorrows, grovelling in the challenges, embracing the victories and pretty much receiving with open arms whatever the world has thrown at me.

When I passed out from college, I had a strong idea of how, what, where I would be at this point in my life. I was supposed to figure out the intricacies of life by now. I was supposed to be doing what I loved. I was supposed to have finally got rid of the 'single' status. I was supposed to be heading into the late 20's era of my life with the confidence of a man, who had it all laid bare in front of him.

But, in reality, at this point of time, none of those have come to fruition. I've had plenty of missed chances and wasted opportunities to reach there, but due to my own contorted convictions and error-ridden judgements, I've had to let them pass by.

And now, I stand here, right now, as confused I was four years ago. The only difference being I know what I want in my life. Like the journey I made to my friend's house, I now know what the place I want to end up at looks like. Even though I'm still working out how to get there, I'm confident of being able to identify it when I pass by it.

And so, here I am. On the journey of life, straining away from the way fate was leading me, forcing myself onto new territories and challenges. This is a direction I wouldn't even have followed in my darkest nightmares a year before.

I took a lot of detours, I was held up at a lot of places, but I'm on the path again - to reach the place I was supposed to have reached by now. Better late than never, I guess.

***

Thank you!!

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

*exaggerated for effect.

Drawing blanks (5 things - Week 38)

I'm preparing to write about yours truly turning in a quarter century in this world next week.

I'm planning to do a recap of the major things which happened to me over this year as the first post of next year.

I'm going to write the post I missed in this series in early October due to jaundice [post no.27] as a Gandhiji special at the end of next month, when we'll be mourning the 64th year of his passing away.

But I've absolutely no idea as to what I'm going to write today. Such is the irony of the situation.

I tried to write about Uthradom Thirunal Marthanda Varma, the late head of the royal family of Travancore, who passed away on Monday. I tried to write about the various types of cremation techniques used around the world. I tried to think about anything that I could write here, and all I could do was nothing, but to draw blanks everywhere.

That is just what I've. WRITER'S BLOCK. And the best thing about writer's block is that it gives you the freedom to break through your inhibitions and use it as an excuse to write about the crazy, unrelated stuff you've always wanted. And before I end up like the unfortunate blogger in the following picture, here's the round up for this week.

A FEW FACEBOOK PAGES YOU SHOULD CONSIDER LIKING

1. CALVIN AND HOBBES

It is said that you have to as naive as a child to believe the crazy stuff. That is just what Calvin brings to you. A cartoon strip everyday that makes you wonder at the unbridled imagination that this 4 foot genius possesses.

2. Emma Watson

We all remember the cute, little gal we met some ten years ago. Well, now she is all grown up. And my does she look fetching.

3. Chandler Bing's Sarcasm and Joey Tribbiani's Dumbness

If you have watched FRIENDS, you would know what I mean. If you haven't watched FRIENDS, you wouldn't - as simple as that.

4. ROFLindia

LAUGH. Like I had said in the mid weekly post,

LAUGH if it's funny,

LAUGH because it's healthy.

LAUGH if it's ridiculous,

LAUGH because it's infectious.

And this page gives you enough to laugh about.

5. GOD

I saved the best for last. GOD is there on facebook, and he's awesome. GOD hears what we have to say, replies to some of us, and generally puts up posts that tickle your funny bone, while working your gray cells.

***

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

LAUGH

LAUGH if it's funny,

LAUGH because it's healthy.

LAUGH if it's ridiculous,

LAUGH because it's infectious.

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Thank You (5 things - Week 37)

By the time I push the publish button for this post, I'll be waiting to board my flight back home. It has been a journey of three and a half years in the making. In this long trudge we call Life, these 40 odd months might look like nothing more than a short detour. But it was worth it.

I thought of going in deep about my experience here. But the more I dwell on the memories that have been made here, the more I feel like I'm leaving something significant behind. So, I'm going to keep it short. I'll just point out what I've gained because I came here.

***

1. It might seem confusing, but I learnt more about Kerala by coming over here.

I've never been able to enjoy the wide spectrum of people in Kerala because I lived in the south part of it for most of my life, and most of my close friends were from my area itself. After coming here, I've been in the company of a variety of individuals, from almost every district in my little state. And with a lot of help from them, I got to know the various slang of Malayalam language, the different delicacies that you get at the other places, the difference in behaviour and customs and a lot more.

To put it in a nutshell, I'm going to visit every place that they have told me about in the past three years, because I've fallen more in love with Kerala after coming here.

2. I understood that the stereotyping occurs both ways. 

I've seen enough films in Hindi as well as in Malayalam to know the stereotyping that occurs across the language barrier. To tell the truth, the way south Indians are depicted in Hindi movies, and the way north Indians are depicted in the southern film industries are pathetic. These characters are used as tools for producing 'funny' situations, which are clichéd and baseless.

What I understood after coming here is that in spite of all this, a large contingent of the people here know that we south Indians are more than idli, sambhar, dhoti and a moustache. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that the people here are open, big hearted, kind and wonderful.

3. Life in a METRO is something you've to experience by living in it.

I've been to metro cities before. I've seen the exotic cars, the uber cool people and the horizon full of high rises. But it is a lot more than that. I don't know how to put that in words. Like I said, you've to live in a metro to experience how fantastic it is.

4. I learnt that the weather can be both too hot or too cold.

Coming from a temperate region, the only 'too much' that I had to experience in terms of weather was rain. Delhi broke through the barriers of the highest and lowest temperatures that I've experienced. I've been made terribly uncomfortable by the weather - at 50 deg Celsius as well as at 1 deg Celsius. Even though much worse conditions exist elsewhere in this world, this experience will help me, if there is ever a need for me to be at such a place.

5. I am writing this post.

I've said it many times before, and I'll say it yet again. Thank you Mahavir. I hope he's having a good time in Seoul, in spite of the snow and the cold. It was due to him that I posted something here in March, after a gap of some months - and that was about the cultural shock that I experienced when I came over here. It was due to that post that I decided to write weekly. And so I thank him for pushing me on to this writing spree.

***

So, to wrap it up, for what might be my last post to be published from Delhi for a long time, I would like to say Thank you.

To all you awesome people I had the good fortune to meet here.

To all the wonderful memories that we have made.

To all the highs and the lows,

To all the opportunities and the disappointments

To all the Momo-walas, and the dhaba-walas,

To all the KFCs, McDs and Dominos,

To the Pallika bazaar and the Select City Walk Mall,

To all the gorgeous ladies who had come into my ken.

I say Thank you. Cos you've made the past three years one of the most memorable periods in my life.

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

Winning the Lottery (5 things - Week 36)

After a gap of nearly 5 years, I put pen to paper, rather finger to keyboard, to churn out a poem - "On his last game".

It was inspired by the unbelievable events at my last game of football. Even I was ridiculously surprised by the fact that I hit four goals. And yes - I chose to neglect the fact that I'll look like some egoistic, self appraising prick for saying that out loud. But like I said, ridiculously surprised. Forget four goals in a single game, I'm pretty sure that I haven't scored that many in an year. Hitting four goals was like winning the lottery for me.

And I am thankful to all those involved in that game for letting me do so at my last game.

Speaking of lotteries and stuff, I was surprised to receive a letter from the Reader's Digest this week, saying that I have been nominated for their annual Sweepstakes, worth to the tune of Rs.50 lakhs. All I had done to get this opportunity was to register at their site at some point in the past; and all I had to do to go further in the Sweepstakes was to reply to this mail at the earliest. And I did just that.

So, as it is, I stand a chance to win up to 50,00,000 rupees in cash. And that spurred me on to think as to what I would do if I won this lottery; or any lottery for that matter.

One day, those are going to be my hands holding the large pile of cash!!

If I win the lottery, I would resign from my job, go back to my home in Thiruvananthapuram, put my feet up on the table, switch on the TV and laze my life around. Since I'm already on course to do that from next week, that too without winning the lottery, I thought of what else I would do.

1. I won't tell anyone I won the lottery.

Why you may ask. It is partly because I don't want people to see me any differently, making me act any different than I do now. It is partly because I'm sure I'll be asked to give treats. It is mainly because I don't do well under scrutiny of the public's eye. It makes me act awkward.

2. I guess it's implied that I won't be giving out any treats/donations.

Like I said before, no treats will be my mantra if I ever win the lottery. I already have given/give a lot of treats without winning it. I don't want to go on doing that for a silly thing like winning a lottery.

And if you won't pray for me to win the lottery without getting a promise of a treat in return, then well, I'm okay with it.

3. I'll resist the temptation to build a huge tower, and fill it with gold coins, so that I can go swimming in it.

Those who have had watched Duck Tales will know what I'm talking about.

This is what I'm talking about!!!

But I won't do that. It is a silly, immature way to flaunt your wealth. And at the rate that Gold sells now, I don't expect my lottery money to buy more than a few hundred coins.

4. I would donate 10% of the interest I get to charity every month.

As I have planned it as of now, I would put 35 lakhs in Fixed Deposit, and the rest 15 lakhs in a normal account. I guess I would earn about Rs.30,000 per month from them. That is more than enough for someone living in my hometown, Thiruvananthapuram. And I'll donate 10% of it, about Rs.3000 to charity every month.

This is not because I'm a humanitarian, but because I don't want to feel guilty. If, at all, there is a process, at some point in time, of adding points for your good deeds, and subtracting points for your bad deeds, I want to make sure that I'm closer to zero.

5. I'll still try to get a job.

Just because I have cash in bank doesn't mean that I'm gonna live my entire life off of it. It was by a stroke of luck/fate/destiny that I got that cash. I could easily lose it again. So, I'll get a job, I'll work my ass off, take all the due plaudits and recognition with pride, and sleep every night a content man.

***

I had also come across this article in quora.com. It was about this guy, who made a fortune with a venture he made by sellling it off to a big MNC, but decided not to flaunt his wealth. He moved to another city, got a normal job and a normal life. In case you want to know how to be wealthy and NOT SHOW OFF, check out his post at

http://www.quora.com/Wealthy-People-and-Families/What-is-it-like-to-be-discreetly-wealthy

***

Well, that's it for this week. Monday'll be my last day at my first job. It's getting weird and confusing and frightening and confusing. I think I said confused before. I think I should just go lie down, thinking about the lottery that I'm gonna win.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

On his last game

With two rolls of bandage on his bad ankle,
And one on the other just to be sure;
With a prayer to avoid another bad tackle,
And one to reduce the pressure.

He steps onto the field, one last time,
Not knowing how well it'll turn out, or how bad;
If his touches are to be crass or sublime,
He knows not, but he vowed to give the best he had.

A single floodlight lit the park with its beam,
Though with more shadows than he would like;
He counted three more on his team,
And four on the other, ready to strike.

There were no referees, no whistles,
No boundaries, no fixed goalies;
These men intent on their battles,
But would forgive him his follies.

After his injury, they knew what this meant to him,
This wasn't just a kick about, but his retribution;
Doc said play again and invite consequences grim,
But here he was, once more before his resignation.

After the formality of a kickoff,
Both teams scored one;
Everyone was getting picked off,
More than him, none.

And then the ball fell to him in the middle,
His roaming eyes fell on a teammate, far wide;
And like a thread through the needle,
He sent the ball to his mate, to his feet precise.

When, with a sumptuous volley, his mate finished,
He knew in his heart it was just the beginning;
And as he moved forward, his fears banished.
The opposition knew, it was going to be a long evening.

One off his heel,
One on the volley,
One after cutting across,
One just toe poked in.

Four beautiful goals really made his day,
It was nothing but a strong display;
If he had to say goodbye, this was his way,
Playing his heart out, come what may.

***

Epilogue

They don't know when he played his first match,
No record books shall note when he played his last;
His history and his fame is all within himself,
But he feels proud and happy, just to have played the game itself.