Putting on and filling out (5 things - Week 42)

August 2013

There was this factory outlet near our office that we always wanted to go to. And so finally, after months of dilly dallying, Nishanth and myself found ourselves inside a John Players showroom. I had already decided that I wouldn't buy anything, since my wardrobe was full, from stuff I bought five years ago. [Yes, I can't stop using my old clothes. Yes, I can't bring myself to let them go either. But that is a whole another story.]

Coming back to the one we are in right now, Nishanth was confused on deciding between which two of the three chosen shirts he would buy. It was then that the shopping assistant told us that we could get the whole thing for half their price, if we were to buy a fourth garment. Nishanth didn't want to buy more than three shirts. He didn't want to look like a nouveau riche on a shopping spree. He looked at me with pleading eyes. Now, you would think that this is where I would relent and buy something stupid just to make up the numbers. Sorry to disappoint you though, but this was not one of the many times when I went as an advisor to a shopper, and ended up spending more than him/her.

Anyway, Nishanth ended up trying on a formal pant to go with the shirts. And that is when an unwelcome truth hit him. Over the two and a half years that he had spent at Gurgaon, he had gone up two pant sizes. And like any good friend, I made sure that I would remind him of that fact whenever we met for the whole of next week.

And during that week, I was both happy and sad, knowing that I had never had a situation like that. I was sad that I had become stuck at a weight of around 65 kgs for the past 10 years in my life. I was happy that I could eat anything without the guilt of putting on weight. And it stayed like that. Until last Wednesday.

***

15th January, 2014

I was getting ready to go out. And I thought about giving my jeans a break, and to use the formal pants. I hadn't used them since I left work early last month. So, I got them out and tried them on. And to my horror, I found that I could barely make the button hold- which meant only one thing. I GREW!!!

While before I failed to fill about one inch of the waist size in my size 32 formal pants, currently I'm finding it difficult to envelope myself in those same constraints. I guess one full month of proper meals three times a day, interspersed with a multitude of snacks, have finally forced my fat repelling body to be not so fat repellent. A pleasant and cool weather, broken only by the occasional rains, have helped in keeping me rooted to my seat.

All these and much more, have helped the onset of what must be that phase of my life, when I'll finally begin to grow laterally. Wish me luck!!!

***

1. When I was born, I weighed nearly 4.5kg - pretty heavy for a baby. And in over two and a half decades, I was only able to expand it by a factor of 14.44 times. Don't bother reaching for your calculator, it comes out to about 65 kgs. And I'm yet to gather the courage to go to near a weighing machine. I'm afraid it'll show 65 kgs even now.

2. Some of my relatives are claiming that the said increase in weight is all down to the fact that I'm more at peace with myself now, since I've moved back to my hometown.

3. The fact that I don't exercise much these days must also have played a huge role in securing the services of these flabs of fat for my body. Please don't get me wrong. It was not like I used to exercise an hour everyday. But these days the most physical work that I do is moving around the house. Coincidently, most of these movements are my trips for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacking etc etc. So you can guess how much calories that effectively burns.

4. This whole scene is a throwback to the onset of puberty for me. I'm discovering something new with my body. No, not that you naughty one. I was talking about finding these flabs of fat. It is like when I was 14 and found stubs of hair on my face and I thought, 'Finally, I can have my own moustache and beard'. It is a similar dream come true now - but of non-skinny arms and less prominent cheek bones.

5. Last, but not the least, I would like to thank my parents for the sincere efforts they have been putting in to make this happen finally.

***

So the next time you meet me, don't forget to ask if I've put on weight.

***

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

Missing the past (5 things - Week 41)

Another week passes me by, and I still haven't got to writing those specials I promised you. I won't say I'm swamped by the schedule I 've here, but it'll take some adjusting to. The most different thing I've to do after coming here has been attending weddings - those of my relatives, those of my family acquaintances, and those of my friends.

The latter getting married is something I'm not able to comprehend. The basic consensus of the school alumni meet a few weeks before was that we all had aged only physically. Our mental age, and maturity levels, were still on the same levels when we had left the campus some 7 years before.

So, I wish all the best to those souls who are embarking on this monumental journey, and I hope they find someone compatible with them to share the joys and sorrows along the way.

The said school reunion was also the cause of much reminiscing of the old memories. One thing led to another, and I wound up thinking of all the things that I miss from my Delhi life. I made the jump from Delhi to Thiruvananthapuram, with the notion that the grass is always greener on the other side. On arriving here, these are the things I feel are greener on the side that I was on.

1. If SALARY doesn't top the list of someone in my situation, then there's something wrong with him. So, salary comes up as the first and foremost thing I miss about my life from Delhi. Now tell me who wouldn't miss the steady inflow of cash at the end of the month. And until I can find that here - instead of this post-sale payment that I'm on right now - I'll not be cured of this missing.

2. Everybody has friends everywhere. So, I can't say I miss my FRIENDS from Delhi as such. But what I miss is the company I used to have. While I had a friends group of late 20s and early 30s over there, here my immediate company is my parents, my grandmother, my cousin and her 2 year old son. As you can see, I have gone from a group of like minded individuals, to a situation where I would have to modulate my thoughts and speech to suit each person. So, I'm currently on the search for a group of like minded, similarly aged people here in my city, and I'm close to finding it.

3. Living in a metro city, you get used to the culture and life of it. I will say that I miss the METROCITY LIFE, but I won't say that I would like to have it in my city.

4. If there is one thing I wish my city had that Delhi has, it has to be the METRO. They say you miss it only when you loose it, and it is so true in this case. In Delhi, metro is something that is one with the city. For someone, who has been there for long, it doesn't stick out for the technical marvel that it is. And seeing the choked roads of my city, I wish it had its own metro. The metro alone might not solve the problem of choked roads, but it'll make the commute so much better.

5. The WINTER. Now, you would think that I'm mad to miss the winter - which is performing a continual decrease in mercury levels with each passing year. But I do miss the winter - in a good way. I miss it, like someone would miss burning in hell. I'm just happy that I've a chance to miss it.

***

***

There is nothing to say in the epilogue. I've had the fortune to complete my first project after arriving here. Hopefully, the 'client' will like it, and it'll lead to more such projects coming my way. So, pray for me.

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

Call me CRAZY and let me be (5 things - Week 40)

Uhh...

Where do we begin??

Ermm... Yes.. Of course.. Let me just wish you a (belated) Happy New Year. I hope that great things find you this year. And when/if they don't, I hope you have it in you go out and find them.

So... Now what?

Well, last week's blog post got a comment from a dear friend of mine that this blog has "matured" over the year. I keep matured in quotes as it is, generally, a relative term - mainly, because by the time my next post comes around, I would have reverted back to my immature levels (that post should be out in three days!!).

Coming back to the topic of maturity, in the days gone by, if a person showed signs of having maturity as well as immaturiy, he would have been labeled crazy. Nowadays, you just call them "Bipolar". If you have a friend you can't avoid couting the number of steps on a stair/arranging a playlist in its order, you say that they suffer from Obssesive Compulsive Disorder.

For the want of a better subject, I'm just going to list off five such "disorders" that have afflicted the current generation.

1. Mysophobia - Fear of germs. To be put it correctly, an almost irrational fear of germs. I've a friend like this. He wouldn't have you within one feet of him, if he could. He'll involuntarily back away if you sneeze. He'll kick you out of his house if you say that your friend at office has a fever - like I said, it's an irrational fear.

2. OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Like I've already mentioned before, having a keener, persistent sense to establish order in this chaotic world is now being termed as such.

3. Social Anxiety disorder - Again, another fancy term for something which you easily have called 'introversion'.

4. Bipolar disorder - I believe that the Schrodinger's cat was responsible for the creation of this term. Until then, having the faculty to be able to be at two states at the same time was a one way ticket to the mental asylum. It still is, but get a cool name for being so.

5. Selective Mutism - Before it became selective mutism, the ability of a normal person to lose his faculty of speech in certain situations/in front of certain people used to be called "Stage fear"/"Shyness".

Selective Mutism at its humourous best!!

***

These are fancy terms, brought out by people who are afraid to call a crazy person a crazy person. And I hate them - not just the terms, but the people also.

I've an uncomfortably large number of friends who take pride in being called crazy. You could say that the biggest compliment you could give to him/her, is to just call him crazy. Not in public, mind you. But if there's one thing we would like you to do more than that, then that would be to stop trying to change us.

So, my dear friends, call me CRAZY and let me be.

***

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

On my rear view mirror

On my rear view mirror is 2013, and boy was it something.

It started off with the hope of something better - landing a Govt job, and comes to an end with the hope of something better - following my dreams. As a personal exercise, I checked on the main events that happened to me over the past 12 months. You are welcome to read what I found out.

In JANUARY, I wrote an exam, cleared it successfully and was called for my first interview for a Govt job.

And so, I spent FEBRUARY dreaming about all the good things that it will bring to my life, especially the chance it'll give me to move back to the south.

By the time MARCH rolled out, I was dumped out of the interview unceremoniously. The dream castles I had built over a month came crashing down, leaving me with nothing, but nightmares.

APRIL turned out to be the worst month in my life till now. Depressed would be an understatement. I took a temporary absence from all social networks and did some soul searching. In the midst of all this, I started BLOGGING again.

MAY saw my best friend for over three years leave town - to join at the same govt job that I had also given interview for. He was in another branch, so it wasn't like he took my job. But the fact that he will get to enjoy the dreams that I so dearly loved pushed me further into chaos.

And out of that chaos was born a thrust - a thrust to push me in a direction that I never wanted to go in. To take risks, and to let go of my conventionalism. Hence, JUNE saw the birth of a new me.

JULY was witness to the efforts that I undertook to explore the opportunities for achieving what I wanted.

And AUGUST brought me back to reality. I realized that I would have to do something completely crazy to achieve what I wanted.

SEPTEMBER was spent brooding over the pros and cons of taking such a crazy decision.

OCTOBER had me struck down with Jaundice, confining me to the bed for most parts of it. But at the same time, it gave me an opportunity to come back to my hometown and do some further feasibility study for taking my crazy decision.

NOVEMBER presented me with a genuine cause, which made my crazy decision look slightly less crazy. And so I put in my papers at the job I had for 40 months, with just the minimum idea on what I'm going to do in the future.

DECEMBER is currently enjoying watching the effect of its 11 predecessors on me. Like I said last week, I'm 25 years old, unemployed, single, broke and living with my parents. It can't get any worse than this [I sincerely hope so].

***

It is the darkest before the dawn. I believe that you have to get used to being in pitch black darkness to be sure of seeing the single ray of light, when it shines down upon you. You'll then follow it out into the sunshine, where you eyes will be blinded by the sudden increase in contrast. When you finally come to your proper senses, you'll notice that it is another struggle. But now, you'll be better equipped to deal with all the crap that life throws at you - cos you know you overcame it once.

***

Looking away from the rear view mirror, I see intertwining paths before me, which run off into the horizon. I don't know how good or bad each path will be to me. I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I want to try each and every one of them. But for now, I've chosen one path, and it is through that path that I'll explore the year 2014.

When, and if, I do a review of 2014 one year from now, I'll look back on 2013, and think "That! That my friends was the turning point in my life." I just don't know whether it'll in a good sense, or bad.

Better late than never (5 things - Week 39)

1. I'm 25 years old. - born on the 26th of December, 1988.

2. I'm unemployed. - left my job on the 9th of December, 2013.

3. I'm single. - as a part of my involuntary celibacy.

4. I'm broke. -  wiser men have deduced that this might have something to do with point no.2.*

5. I'm living with my parents. - mainly cos I don't want to announce pauper status right now.*

But in the middle of all this, I'm happy. The wiser men are still figuring out how that is possible.

***

Yesterday, I went to a friend's home. The last time I was there was some 5 years ago. So, as you can guess, I had a hard time remembering the way. All I knew was the colour of his house and the last turn I had to make before I reached there. This was a journey where you know the destination by how it'll be rather than by a name. Fortunately, I didn't end up knocking on a stranger's door.

But the strange part of the journey was reaching that junction, making that turn, trying to see if that is the correct way to the intended place. You feel your heartbeat revving up, making a significant higher amount of 'dap-dap'. It's a great feeling to have, and one I hope I'll have soon in the journey of Life.

***

I don't know how to say this subtly, so I'm going to put it out there bluntly - it was my birthday yesterday. A quarter of  a century has been spent by yours truly - wallowing in the sorrows, grovelling in the challenges, embracing the victories and pretty much receiving with open arms whatever the world has thrown at me.

When I passed out from college, I had a strong idea of how, what, where I would be at this point in my life. I was supposed to figure out the intricacies of life by now. I was supposed to be doing what I loved. I was supposed to have finally got rid of the 'single' status. I was supposed to be heading into the late 20's era of my life with the confidence of a man, who had it all laid bare in front of him.

But, in reality, at this point of time, none of those have come to fruition. I've had plenty of missed chances and wasted opportunities to reach there, but due to my own contorted convictions and error-ridden judgements, I've had to let them pass by.

And now, I stand here, right now, as confused I was four years ago. The only difference being I know what I want in my life. Like the journey I made to my friend's house, I now know what the place I want to end up at looks like. Even though I'm still working out how to get there, I'm confident of being able to identify it when I pass by it.

And so, here I am. On the journey of life, straining away from the way fate was leading me, forcing myself onto new territories and challenges. This is a direction I wouldn't even have followed in my darkest nightmares a year before.

I took a lot of detours, I was held up at a lot of places, but I'm on the path again - to reach the place I was supposed to have reached by now. Better late than never, I guess.

***

Thank you!!

Well, that's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

*exaggerated for effect.