Goof ups (5 things - Week 87)

Yes. We're going to talk about some of the more spectacular goof ups, instigated and carried out to imperfection by yours truly. Let me start off with the latest one then.

I normally am very hesitant to buy shoes online. The main reason being I can never be sure that they look as good as they look in the pictures on the site. We live in an age where, with artificial lighting, clever posturing and unbelievable editing, anything that looks as drab as garbage is made to look like next big thing in fashion.

So, it was nothing short of a monumental decision that I made earlier this week to buy shoes from Amazon.in. I went to their site, went to the men's shoes section and put in the filters - size UK11 or above, preferably Puma [as Puma is now sponsoring Arsenal]. And that's how I chanced upon this predominately black, with red designs and a Ferrari symbol "boat" shoe. No. The goof up isn't with respect to it being a "boat" shoe.

I clicked order and spent close to what you would spend for a dinner buffet for two at a Taj restaurant. It got delivered to me, within two days, yesterday. I came back from work, all excited - I made a mental note that this would be what a teenager feels on Xmas day. You know what is inside the package when you are opening. But that doesn't take away the feeling of genuine happiness as you open it. You can't wait to get your hands on it.

Alas, the shoe was only big enough for me to put my hands into it. In the name of the product, there was a "Puma NM Jr". I thought Jr was just an extension to the naming sequence put out by Puma. And since they didn't say it was for kids anywhere in that page, I assumed my assumption to be correct and brought the shoe.

Fortunately, Amazon was kind enough to accept that it was a mistake from both sides which created this situation. Kids shoe in the men's section, along with myself overlooking the Jr. They have accepted my request for return, and will refund me soon.

I guess, all's well that ends well. But it'll be some time before I return to buy shoes online.

And for today, we'll go through five such goof ups as the "5 things" for this week.

Shall we begin then??

***

1. Amazon shoes

The less said, the better.

2. Hollywood chappals

Four months before, I brought chappals from an established local store, Hollywood. In one month, the sole began coming off. I stuck it back together using Fevi-qwik. Last Sunday, it came off completely while I was in the neighborhood of that store. I went in and expressed my lack of satisfaction in the product that they sold. It was then that they said this *conditions apply thing to me.

"This chappal is not intended for rough use. Stay away from water, and it'll be fine."

If you live in Kerala, you'll know that recently, the rain isn't stopping for more than a few days. To avoid water while walking here is like to avoid potholes while driving. But the shop owner was good enough to hear me out, and offer me merchandise for the money I had spent on the original chappals. I went from home wearing half torn chappals. I came back wearing brand new chappals, one belt and a pair of socks. :D

3. Wolverine Tee

I think I might have mentioned this Tshirt before. The first one I brought without parental guidance. A black Tshirt with three cuts across the chest, showing a red underlying layer of cloth. Wearing it would make it look like you just had Wolverine strike you. I still don't remember why I brought that.

4. My phone

Well, get this into your head. When they offer you 10% off on a phone, check if they are going to release the next generation phone in that series anytime soon. If you can wait that long, that's better. Cause they'll selling it at around the same price then. And yes, I fell for the 10% off.

5. My Engagement shirt

"A little lighter."

"I think the last one was better"

"This one is okay, but I think we should check for more options in regular fit. If nothing good comes up, we'll settle on this one."

"Size 42 is not there. Let's check the other shop."

A pleasant Saturday which I had hoped to spend with my fiancée, turned into a sneak-peak of what my future shopping experience would be like. The shirt we finally picked up for the engagement turned out to be a lighter version of what I originally had brought. To spend an equal amount of money to buy another similar shirt is certainly as close to a recent goof up as I can serve to you.

P.S. The lady choosing the shirt isn't always this crazy. She just wants all the wedding proceedings to be as close to the one she has always imagined.

***

It would close to being criminal if I invite you for my engagement only a day before the event. So, let's get the formalities out of the way. I'm getting engaged to this amazing woman on the first Sunday of next month, 7th December 2014. Even if our relationship can wait for a little longer, she is very much due a post dedicated to her. And that's how it's going to be next week. A little bit of added pressure for me.

P.S. Don't remind her that I wrote a post on having that operation on my ass within a week, and I kept her waiting this long. And NO!!! I'm not giving you a link to that operation post. You are welcome to search and find it out for yourself. :P

P.P.S. Technically, it's still Saturday for another 1200 seconds.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Excel(lent) Hacking (5 things - Week 86)

I think I've mentioned this before. After years of hearing that a good academic record is the foundation on which a career is built, someone who graduates out of a professional college expects to use all those things they have learned over two decades to show their class in the office. Alas, for most of us, it's a different, and most probably, a sad little ending.

We are not allowed to use only the desired high end software and technology. At the end of a day's or project's work, we always end up using the same software that your local DTP shop uses - MS Office. Why?? One word - DOCUMENTATION.

No matter whether you are designing toilets to go on a spacecraft heading for Mars, or just a plain old toilet; at the end of the project, before it's release, you've to sit down and write prose about whatever you had just done. I've worked in two very different fields, and this is the common factor at both places.

I guess it's because documentation is part of the ISO certification processes that most institutions undergo these days. To get certified with the appropriate certification, you are required to maintain the proper documents regarding whatever is the process or transaction that you are performing at your organization.

I once had a junior ask me, what is the difference between us and DTP people?? My reply was that the DTP people just made what was kept in front of them. We are supposed to understand, modify, verify and then create these critical documents. And the other difference is that we have knowledge of all these hacks - these shortcuts. We know how to finish the job by 5pm instead of 9pm.

And it is some hacks of this nature that we are going to discuss for the "5 things" of this week. Shall we begin then??

***

1. Formulas and Macros

Now, I can't teach you each and every function that is provided to us - because there's too many. Nor can I teach you about the macros - because I don't know what the heck that is myself. But if you can master them both, it's said that you can master the tool completely. Let me just guide you onto this site, which provides detailed explanation of all formulas in Excel. The only issue is that you have to figure what to use for your application.

http://www.techonthenet.com/excel/formulas/

2. Ctrl + PgUp/PgDown

Use these to move back and forth among the various sheets in the excel file you have kept open.

3.  Ctrl/Shift + Space

This allows you to select an entire row or column. Use Shift button to select the entire current row. Use Ctrl button to select the entire current column

4. Ctrl + <arrow keys>/<backspace>

Using the arrow keys, will move the cursor to the next word in the document, or next populated cell in the spreadsheet. You could use backspace to delete the previous word too.

5. F4

This is the mother of all hacks. One press of that button lying inconspicuously at the top left corner of your keyboard and Excel is forced to do the last action you did on the current selection. If you had just done some cell formating, Excel does the same on the currently selected cells. If you had inserted a new row, Excel inserts a new row at your current selection.

***

There's one more thing though. If you just search in the net for "Excel hacks", you'll get a lot of sites which shall give you a lot more hacks than the ones I have mentioned over here. But just knowing the hacks doesn't make you an "expert" in Excel. You've to use them properly. And to use them properly, you must be as lazy as only a lazy genius could be.

To borrow an idea from some wise guy, most of the items of daily use intended to reduce human effort are the work of geniuses who were so lazy that they went out and made something to do it for them. Likewise, just knowing these hacks ain't enough. You gotta be truly lazy to use them at the apt places. Hope you can find that inner laziness that is required of you.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

5 things - It's OFFICIAL!!!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Official.

No. Not that. There's still [starts counting on his fingers - realizes that there are more days than fingers on his hands - decides to use all toes on one foot and the pinky toe on the other to come up with the magic number, which is] 16 more days for that.

What I wanted to let you people know is that I've finally decided to give in to the relentless pressure of having to write every Friday night. Like I've mentioned before, I used to have enough time on my hands before. Due to a multitude of reasons - official works, daily travel pains, personal timeouts - I've had to thrown in my metaphorical towel. I'm very sorry.

If you ask me whether I can't churn out 1000 words for our benefit every Friday night like we have done before, I can't deny my ability to do so. But just spewing forth a thousand words is not enough. I had rather have time to toy with the idea I want to present - to know what I want to do with it, how and in what exact words should I let you know about my thoughts on the same, where I want to lead you on to, etc etc.

If I'm going to give you an idea half-baked, I had rather sit on that idea for some time. What I've been doing for the last few weeks is equivalent to someone with constipation does. Sit there long enough while forcing yourself as much as you can - there'll always bound to be some output. What I want to do is sit on it like a hen roosting. I want to nurture it and let it break open from its shell and come out as a live chicken.

[We would to break this broadcast to bring you this SHAMELESS PLUG to the most read post on this page. If you don't know what's the relation between Ormayundo? and chicken, there's only one way to find out - and you know it's just one click away. We'll be back with more Shameless plugs after these messages.]

So, after giving it some serious thoughts, I've decided to shift our weekly blogging routine conversations to Saturday. I'll have one extra day to think through whatever I want to write, and hopefully the output will have more quality to quantity ratio.

Tomorrow's topic - currently - is some hacking methods. Not how to hack into Pakistan University websites to avenge an attack on your favorite actor's website, but since most of us are using computers and smartphones a lot, I thought it would be helpful to share some tricks which I've picked up over the years.

***

So, that's all for today then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til tomorrow.

Social Experiments (5 things - Week 85)

So last night I left the following message here in this post..

"
Considering the fact that the last time I had to do a conversation like this was when I found out that I might have won one of dengue-typhoid-jaundice lottery, you can guess my state right now. As I was physically wrecked that day, I can say with some surety that that isn't the case today. Today, if you meet me right now, you'll find me ghosting through things. It's my mental state that's been compromised.

No. I haven't gone full on mental. I'm only insane within the limits of insanity. But the proceedings at office have ensured that I don't have any mojo left to even squeeze out a conversation - something I have been guilty of in the past few weeks. I guess this is a tipping point. Whether I fall over or fall back, we'll know only in the coming weeks. As of today, I haven't made a conscious decision to shift the posting day to Saturday or Sunday, but I guess I won't be left with a choice given my situations.

So, you'll, hopefully, find the full blog here by this time tomorrow. I will leave you with a teaser. The topic is Social Experiments, and the 5 things are - recounting leaving my zip open for a whole day, dimming the lights on the road, keeping the water running from the tap, giving way to others on the road, and one surprise item. The surpriase is not a surprise because I haven't thought about it. I have. Sachii.
"

You can see that the teething process at my new workplace, that I mentioned in our conversation last week, hasn't completely subdued yet. I don't know when it'll be over. Once it's over we'll have found a rhythm - a work life balance if you would let me call it so. That rhythm will help determine how, when and in what quality our future conversations are forged.

Scientists throughout the ages have studied how such rhythms are established. They found that it's not reached in a single cycle. It's a long, tedious and time consuming process. It uses a loop, which with proper feedback, achieves a state that it stays at, until it's disturbed again. For those interested in expanding their intellect in the nuances of the above, I would recommend at least one post graduate degree in advanced control systems, accompanied with significant practical experience in the field.

Even though I just said that the process is highly complicated to be understood by a layman, it was in no way meant to indicate that it's only something that you see in labs and kind. In fact, that process is the way most of the things get worked out in our life. It's something we all use.

Are you confused?? At least a little bit?? Well I have a few handy examples. You don't have to know the direction an electron flows to switch on the light in your room, do you?? You don't have to know the register settings of your Intel processor to use your computer, do you?? You don't have to understand the rules of English grammar to understand what I mean by all of this. Do you??  (o_O)

Similarly, without knowing the theory behind the process, you actually have been using the process all your life. It's something which was hardcoded into us. Like to stick close to your parents when you are little. Like having the propensity to have fears, etc etc.

And using these processes, we create rhythms. And using those rhythms, we create patterns and habits. We have already covered the habits of an individual in an earlier conversation. In today's conversation, we'll look at the habits of a society. In particular, we'll look at the results of a few social experiments that yours truly had carried out.

Shall we begin then??

***

1. Experiment - Open Fly

Procedure - Keep your zip open for an entire day and check how many people bring that to your attention. Before you start moral policing me, let me make it clear that I meant the zip of your bag, not anywhere else. If you thought anywhere else, it was your thought train - not mine. I can't take responsibility.

Result - About 5 people of the many I met that day provided positive responses.

Inference - The pass percentage is very low. It might be because they are too busy in their world of problems, or because they are not that much inclined to make such acute observations in daily life without being instructed to do so. Nothing to cause an alarm though. At least, people are generally quite helpful, if you ask them for help.

2. Experiment - Lights on road

Procedure - While driving at night on the highway, try to make an incoming vehicle dim it's light by alternating yours.

Result - Any positive result depends on your luck. If somebody does dim their light, I recommend you to stop at the nearest lottery booth and take a ticket for the lottery that will be drawn first.

Inference - People are generally selfish.

3. Experiment - Keeping the tap open

Procedure - When you go to use the loo at a public arena, keep the water tap open (if it isn't already). When you come back to wash, check if it is closed or not.

Result - Three out of eight is not good, but not bad either.

Inference - At least some people care about the environment.

4. Experiment - Giving way

Procedure - When you are driving in the city, check how many blocks are formed by people not giving way to others.

Result - Half of the blocks are made from this kind. The other half is made by the private security people minding the road.

Inference - A mix of experiment numbers 1 and 2. People are too resistant to go out of their way to help others. And even if they overcome the resistance, they are too selfish.

5. Experiment - Smile

Procedure - Just smile at random people - in the crowd, at the office, on the road, in the car which almost crushed you onto the divider, etc etc.

Result - Surprisingly, after a blank moment of "why the heck is this guy smiling at me for?", most of the participants in the experiments attempted their own at attempts at smiling - some were feeble efforts, some were a little discomforting.

Inference - There's hope for mankind.

***

Extra Experiment - Evaluate yourself.

Procedure - On any random day, instead of being the evaluating entity, subject yourself as the test specimens to all the experiments given above.

Result - Pending.

Inference - Depending on the result, you are either in the majority or the minority. For a better world, I hope you are in the minority.

***

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Nothing's here (5 things - Week 85) [Well sort of]

Considering the fact that the last time I had to do a conversation like this was when I found out that I might have won one of dengue-typhoid-jaundice lottery, you can guess my state right now. As I was physically wrecked that day, I can say with some surety that that isn't the case today. Today, if you meet me right now, you'll find me ghosting through things. It's my mental state that's been compromised.

No. I haven't gone full on mental. I'm only insane within the limits of insanity. But the proceedings at office have ensured that I don't have any mojo left to even squeeze out a conversation - something I have been guilty of in the past few weeks. I guess this is a tipping point. Whether I fall over or fall back, we'll know only in the coming weeks. As of today, I haven't made a conscious decision to shift the posting day to Saturday or Sunday, but I guess I won't be left with a choice given my situations.

So, you'll, hopefully, find the full blog here by this time tomorrow. I will leave you with a teaser. The topic is Social Experiments, and the 5 things are - recounting leaving my zip open for a whole day, dimming the lights on the road, keeping the water running from the tap, giving way to others on the road, and one surprise item. The surpriase is not a surprise because I haven't thought about it. I have. Sachii.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.