Ever since the days of watching "FRIENDS", I have always wondered about how it would be if the Ross-Monica-Chandler situation happened in some friendship circle around me.. Let me make this clear to those poor souls, who might not have been exposed to the sheer brilliance of, non-arguably, the greatest act by man ever..
Ross and Chandler have been best buddies since their college days.. And, as I see it now, they were part of a lucky few best friends, who got jobs in the same city, and gotta hang out with each other like in college, after college..
And Monica is Ross's sister, who happens to live in the apartment opposite to Chandler.. And these three, along with their other three phenomenal friends, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey, hang out at Monica's all the time..
Now, you people would have seen enough movies to understand what must have happened..
Well, into the fifth or sixth season, Monica and Chandler fall in love with each other.. They keep it as a secret from Ross for most of that season.. But once Ross finds out, all hells breaks loose.. Well, that's expected..
A brother, no matter how lenient or impressed, would not allow his best friend to be in a relationship with his sister.. Its basic human psychology.. Such a triangle always has a risk of making all the three relationship fail.. If you want proof, there is an episode when these three start sharing secrets of the others.. And if they hadn't stopped in time, everything could have got ruined..
Anyways, you might be wondering, why the hell I'm talking about all this.. That's cos I heard from one reliable source the following conversation, which was said to have happened with, between a friend of his and that friend's friend..
(After the usual, who is the one with the worst record with gals in the battle of the higher despness fight..)
A : You have known me for almost an year.. Can you tell me one thing?? Knowing me, will you let your daughter go out with me??
B : To tell the truth.. If I could, I would have allowed you to marry my sister..
A (stupefied) : huh??
B : Of all the recent contacts that I've made, I think you are the only one, who doesn't drink, smoke or have any other socially unacceptable habits.. You are a good guy at heart, and if you weren't of an another religion, I would have asked you to marry my sister..
A (still more stupefied, and partially blushing): Err... Thanks..
That is not the way a normal conversation would have progressed in, but due to the spur of the moment and/or the people involved, what came out was a gem of a praise to A..
The Ultimate Peer Praise.. That I'll let you marry my sister..
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Bad day
Coming to write something after a derby game, and a derby game we lost, you would expect me to mourn the decline of Arsenal.. But I guess enough has already been said and written about it.. I'm going to talk about music for a change..
From October last year to this September, I had come to take music as more of a pass time than a passion.. Well the difference is that no matter which song is on, my reaction would be the same.. Let it be the crappy songs or the awesome ones, I deemed it fit only to be some random background noise.. But it all changed once I got back from home..
To explain how it changed, I need to tell you about my on-off relationship with music.. I liked hearing music, like any other person, as I grew up.. But it started making a difference only when I reached 8th standard.. My grandmother, unfortunately, let it slip that my Father used to hear music while studying.. And being a son who wanted to be a xerox copy of his dad, from mannerisms to hobbies, I was quick to install the family stereo player at my study table (ya, it was in those days when you had to press play, stop, rewind and play to put a song on repeat)..
Of course, my father was not pleased with this arrangement.. I was not making the best of grades, and he didnt think that it would change with that old stereo player screaming radio and assorted film songs into my ears.. But he couldnt make me stop, because it was his own mother who gave him no foothold in the argument, by leaking to me the fact that his grades went up, when he started doing that..
And it all paid off for me by the time I reached 10th.. Yes, it took two years, but it was a momentous moment for me, when I finally hit a cent percent on a Maths test.. I am taking the liberty of puffing my ego by stating the fact that I have always been good with numbers.. But I never was able to weed out the simple mistakes, which always left me short (mostly, well short) of the full marks..
But that fateful day in 2004, I hit the 9th cloud.. And, my dad was there to celebrate it with me.. And as a special present (it were simpler days then), he got a new stereo cum CD player.. Well, not just for me.. It was for the entire family.. the old player had lived it life to the fullest, with me draining its blood in its old age..
Anyways, it was step forward in music for me.. I now had a varied range to select from - the Vintage Anathapuri FM, my steadily built stereo cassette collection, and the new CD base I was building..
All through this time, the songs I heard made a mark in my heart, either through its music, or its lyrics, or just some random instrument making a weird sound at some point in the song, which captured my attention.. So even though I was supposed to be learning, I would be waiting for that moment in the song which would make me happier than I was a second before..
And now, we fast forward to my 12th standard, when I got my portable CD player.. It meant that I could blast my favorite songs at full volume into my ears as I "studied" - let it be at the dinner table, on my bed or the couch.. It opened up another experience for me.. Of being with music for a larger share of my waking state.. Over the four years I have spoken of, music went from being an hour a day program, to a thing I had to have on whenever I was at home..
An interesting fact about that portable CD player.. One day, when for some reason it stopped working, I decided that hitting it hard 2-3 times with my writing board would make it work.. Needless to say, I had heard my last song from that player a few seconds before I executed that decision.. And that marked the beginning of the series of distasteful ends for various electronics devices, under my supervision..
Anyways, acquiring my music player/mobile camera/mobile phone, the legendary Nokia 6233, kicked off the third phase of my musical double life.. Having my favorite songs at a click of a button.. The ultimate freedom for any music lover.. So started my habit of plugging on my headphones whenever I was on the move.. Between home and college, when on trip with parents (looking back now, that was a lot helpful in ruining the times I could have spent with my family) etc etc..
Anyways, that was when I actually started moving away from the true sense of
enjoying music.. It's been written long before that anything, in excess is a danger.. So is music.. Over the four years of Engineering college life, I lost my weird sense of enjoying music.. Of enjoying the music, the lyrics, the instruments.. But more importantly, of enjoying the mood of the song, as it resonated with my mood..
I had specific songs.. Songs for happy times, songs for friendship, songs for romancing my heartthrob, songs for easing my broken heart, songs for goodbyes, songs for reunions.. But as I moved across 2006 to 2011, these songs lost their meanings, lost their soul for me.. Frankly speaking, my soul lost the ears with which I used to hear those songs..
And things took a turn for the worse, with me acquiring an Apple iPod Nano as part of my first salary blast.. Music became more of a luxury than a hobby.. Songs that touched my heart turned into random vibrations on my ears, that were lost in the background, as thoughts other than music filled my head..
And as I boarded the flight back to Gurgaon this September, I left all those things
behind.. Trying to find ways to make myself happy, by living the life I was living when I was a teenager, I'm going to back to music.. For comfort, for happiness..
I gave my iPod on loan to my brother.. He enjoys music more than me to lose his sense to that monster of a device.. I filled my phone with music, but only to keep me company when I on the go..
At home, I am hearing to, and constantly updating a Youtube playlist, which has all
those songs which made me happy in those years as a novice teen.. I'll publish those songs once I deem it fit to have something for everyone.. Until then, those beautiful songs from the years gone by will caress my ears as I am taken away on a beautiful journey by the music..
And as I told you, this was a bad day for me.. And to go with the mood, I have lined up a few songs on my playlist - "Kanner Poovintae" from Kireedom (Malayalam), "En Kadhalae" from Duet (Tamil), "Bin Tere" from I Hate Love stories (Hindi), and "Fact Fiction" by Mads Langer(English) to lull me to sleep as I forget this day with music..
From October last year to this September, I had come to take music as more of a pass time than a passion.. Well the difference is that no matter which song is on, my reaction would be the same.. Let it be the crappy songs or the awesome ones, I deemed it fit only to be some random background noise.. But it all changed once I got back from home..
To explain how it changed, I need to tell you about my on-off relationship with music.. I liked hearing music, like any other person, as I grew up.. But it started making a difference only when I reached 8th standard.. My grandmother, unfortunately, let it slip that my Father used to hear music while studying.. And being a son who wanted to be a xerox copy of his dad, from mannerisms to hobbies, I was quick to install the family stereo player at my study table (ya, it was in those days when you had to press play, stop, rewind and play to put a song on repeat)..
Of course, my father was not pleased with this arrangement.. I was not making the best of grades, and he didnt think that it would change with that old stereo player screaming radio and assorted film songs into my ears.. But he couldnt make me stop, because it was his own mother who gave him no foothold in the argument, by leaking to me the fact that his grades went up, when he started doing that..
And it all paid off for me by the time I reached 10th.. Yes, it took two years, but it was a momentous moment for me, when I finally hit a cent percent on a Maths test.. I am taking the liberty of puffing my ego by stating the fact that I have always been good with numbers.. But I never was able to weed out the simple mistakes, which always left me short (mostly, well short) of the full marks..
But that fateful day in 2004, I hit the 9th cloud.. And, my dad was there to celebrate it with me.. And as a special present (it were simpler days then), he got a new stereo cum CD player.. Well, not just for me.. It was for the entire family.. the old player had lived it life to the fullest, with me draining its blood in its old age..
Anyways, it was step forward in music for me.. I now had a varied range to select from - the Vintage Anathapuri FM, my steadily built stereo cassette collection, and the new CD base I was building..
All through this time, the songs I heard made a mark in my heart, either through its music, or its lyrics, or just some random instrument making a weird sound at some point in the song, which captured my attention.. So even though I was supposed to be learning, I would be waiting for that moment in the song which would make me happier than I was a second before..
And now, we fast forward to my 12th standard, when I got my portable CD player.. It meant that I could blast my favorite songs at full volume into my ears as I "studied" - let it be at the dinner table, on my bed or the couch.. It opened up another experience for me.. Of being with music for a larger share of my waking state.. Over the four years I have spoken of, music went from being an hour a day program, to a thing I had to have on whenever I was at home..
An interesting fact about that portable CD player.. One day, when for some reason it stopped working, I decided that hitting it hard 2-3 times with my writing board would make it work.. Needless to say, I had heard my last song from that player a few seconds before I executed that decision.. And that marked the beginning of the series of distasteful ends for various electronics devices, under my supervision..
Anyways, acquiring my music player/mobile camera/mobile phone, the legendary Nokia 6233, kicked off the third phase of my musical double life.. Having my favorite songs at a click of a button.. The ultimate freedom for any music lover.. So started my habit of plugging on my headphones whenever I was on the move.. Between home and college, when on trip with parents (looking back now, that was a lot helpful in ruining the times I could have spent with my family) etc etc..
Anyways, that was when I actually started moving away from the true sense of
enjoying music.. It's been written long before that anything, in excess is a danger.. So is music.. Over the four years of Engineering college life, I lost my weird sense of enjoying music.. Of enjoying the music, the lyrics, the instruments.. But more importantly, of enjoying the mood of the song, as it resonated with my mood..
I had specific songs.. Songs for happy times, songs for friendship, songs for romancing my heartthrob, songs for easing my broken heart, songs for goodbyes, songs for reunions.. But as I moved across 2006 to 2011, these songs lost their meanings, lost their soul for me.. Frankly speaking, my soul lost the ears with which I used to hear those songs..
And things took a turn for the worse, with me acquiring an Apple iPod Nano as part of my first salary blast.. Music became more of a luxury than a hobby.. Songs that touched my heart turned into random vibrations on my ears, that were lost in the background, as thoughts other than music filled my head..
And as I boarded the flight back to Gurgaon this September, I left all those things
behind.. Trying to find ways to make myself happy, by living the life I was living when I was a teenager, I'm going to back to music.. For comfort, for happiness..
I gave my iPod on loan to my brother.. He enjoys music more than me to lose his sense to that monster of a device.. I filled my phone with music, but only to keep me company when I on the go..
At home, I am hearing to, and constantly updating a Youtube playlist, which has all
those songs which made me happy in those years as a novice teen.. I'll publish those songs once I deem it fit to have something for everyone.. Until then, those beautiful songs from the years gone by will caress my ears as I am taken away on a beautiful journey by the music..
And as I told you, this was a bad day for me.. And to go with the mood, I have lined up a few songs on my playlist - "Kanner Poovintae" from Kireedom (Malayalam), "En Kadhalae" from Duet (Tamil), "Bin Tere" from I Hate Love stories (Hindi), and "Fact Fiction" by Mads Langer(English) to lull me to sleep as I forget this day with music..
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Notes & Letters
When you say that you are going to write something, but eventually end up working weekends or playing Age of Empires, you think that you can get away with it, because even though you made a promise, it was more to oneself than to the people following your blog. And all promises to oneself, like the countless New Year resolutions, are meant to be broken. Or so I thought.
I was made to come out of this illusion, when one of my two followers here, Mahavir, asked me at office the other day why I was not writing anymore. It must have been one among the umpteenth topics he finds to talk about, or a conversation filler, if not anything else. Anyways, it was enough to get my thought train running.
The oft repeated phrase while commenting on my literary works has been “nice way of telling the story, in simple, easy-to-follow English”. I don’t know if people are talking about a unique skill I have, or are taking a dig at my mediocre vocabulary (though I prefer to believe it’s the former), but I never thought they would want to read more from me. For me, the best work I could make has already happened (refer previous post), just like the best video I will ever make is the only one I made.
But to have a person actually ask why I’m not writing (forget that it might have been just a conversation filler), made me happy to say the least, like any ego-centric guy you can find out there. In the discussion that followed, I tried to blame a fictitious writer’s block, stopping the perennial flow of fiction from me, but in small quantities you see in my status messages.
Well, he played along with me, saying that it was hard to write anything without actually having a mood to write. He compared writing to playing a guitar (something which he does well). He could practice some song or tune all day, and still not come up with anything original, if there isn’t that elusive spark in our mind. On the other hand, if the spark does visit us, there will be no dearth of creative wealth.
With a few more words, he left me to mull over these points. And that’s when it struck me. Writing and playing a guitar are one and the same; with their obvious differences of course. Both are intended to please an audience, while showcasing a specific skill of the person, who does the show. And both need practice and a certain knack to attract people.
It also requires a certain sense on the part of the audience to really enjoy the “performance”. You can’t perform a rock song at a senior home, and expect to get a standing ovation. Likewise, I don’t expect you to understand what I write. I’m a normal 22 year old guy, with a decent job, who doesn’t know where the hell his life is heading. He’s going with the flow, and trying to make the least effort possible to get the maximum kick out of his life. What I write is basically aimed at people falling to a category, same or similar to my own. So, if you are some 25 year old entrepreneur, worth $100 billion bucks, I can assure you that you won’t understand anything here. But if you are a non-descript, aimless guy wandering through life as if it’s a museum, then you will feel like home here.
Guess I digressed too much with the boring details of my weekly self-evaluation. Coming back to the topic at hand, music and writing are like peas in pod. Similar in all respects, but visible only for the people searching for these similarities. When I write something, it’s actually like I’m writing a musical score. But unlike music, the audience doesn’t need to have someone perform for them. They can go to a place where it’s available (like my blog), read and eventually enjoy it.
And to sum up all the crap I have been talking about into four sentences…
Let it be a prose, a rock song, a poem, or an acoustic song; it all means the same thing. A way of communicating between people. And as long as we have Notes & Letters, I will keep writing and he’ll keep playing. Nothing, and I mean nothing can block that. \m/
I was made to come out of this illusion, when one of my two followers here, Mahavir, asked me at office the other day why I was not writing anymore. It must have been one among the umpteenth topics he finds to talk about, or a conversation filler, if not anything else. Anyways, it was enough to get my thought train running.
The oft repeated phrase while commenting on my literary works has been “nice way of telling the story, in simple, easy-to-follow English”. I don’t know if people are talking about a unique skill I have, or are taking a dig at my mediocre vocabulary (though I prefer to believe it’s the former), but I never thought they would want to read more from me. For me, the best work I could make has already happened (refer previous post), just like the best video I will ever make is the only one I made.
But to have a person actually ask why I’m not writing (forget that it might have been just a conversation filler), made me happy to say the least, like any ego-centric guy you can find out there. In the discussion that followed, I tried to blame a fictitious writer’s block, stopping the perennial flow of fiction from me, but in small quantities you see in my status messages.
Well, he played along with me, saying that it was hard to write anything without actually having a mood to write. He compared writing to playing a guitar (something which he does well). He could practice some song or tune all day, and still not come up with anything original, if there isn’t that elusive spark in our mind. On the other hand, if the spark does visit us, there will be no dearth of creative wealth.
With a few more words, he left me to mull over these points. And that’s when it struck me. Writing and playing a guitar are one and the same; with their obvious differences of course. Both are intended to please an audience, while showcasing a specific skill of the person, who does the show. And both need practice and a certain knack to attract people.
It also requires a certain sense on the part of the audience to really enjoy the “performance”. You can’t perform a rock song at a senior home, and expect to get a standing ovation. Likewise, I don’t expect you to understand what I write. I’m a normal 22 year old guy, with a decent job, who doesn’t know where the hell his life is heading. He’s going with the flow, and trying to make the least effort possible to get the maximum kick out of his life. What I write is basically aimed at people falling to a category, same or similar to my own. So, if you are some 25 year old entrepreneur, worth $100 billion bucks, I can assure you that you won’t understand anything here. But if you are a non-descript, aimless guy wandering through life as if it’s a museum, then you will feel like home here.
Guess I digressed too much with the boring details of my weekly self-evaluation. Coming back to the topic at hand, music and writing are like peas in pod. Similar in all respects, but visible only for the people searching for these similarities. When I write something, it’s actually like I’m writing a musical score. But unlike music, the audience doesn’t need to have someone perform for them. They can go to a place where it’s available (like my blog), read and eventually enjoy it.
And to sum up all the crap I have been talking about into four sentences…
Let it be a prose, a rock song, a poem, or an acoustic song; it all means the same thing. A way of communicating between people. And as long as we have Notes & Letters, I will keep writing and he’ll keep playing. Nothing, and I mean nothing can block that. \m/
Saturday, June 4, 2011
The Last Wish
*********************************************************
This post was originally posted in “whatitmeanstobehari.blogspot.com”, my previous blog… Half the people who read it at that time couldn’t understand the head or tail of it… And I can’t blame them… I wrote this as an emotionally drained grandson… So I have now decided to edit the original post, and repost it here for it to make some sense to you… Read it through, and tell me about a great talk you have had with your grandparents…
*********************************************************
He used to tell me, actually teach me about all the things in the world… Till the age of ten, the half an hour power cut every day was actually story time for me and my cousin sister … The majestic lives of Akbar and Birbal, the legends of Ram and Krishna, the whole big bang theory, evolution of life, dinosaurs, anything and everything... Such was the variety of things he talked to us about, that I can’t understand for what reason I stopped this tradition of ours… We hadn’t talked like this since I was a little boy… Until…
16.08.09 (whatever I’m saying in this conversation have been given in italics)
"Do you remember your grandmother’s brother??? He was tall... Like you... I think taller than you... Six feet four... or five... Well, no one was there to take care of him in the end, and your grandmother and I decided to that... He was bed ridden, till the very end… He had once asked me to get him a bottle of kallu (Kerala’s very own brand of alcohol)... He said even a half would be enough, but that he just wanted a taste of it, before he died... I asked him how I could get him that, when I have never bought one in my life...”
“He said, “There is a shaap (a place where you get kallu) at the junction... Just go in and tell my name... They'll give you my usual...””
“But I could not bring alcohol inside the house to give to a sick old man... My morals and the fear of what society will say made me reject his request…. A few of his fellow drinking friends used to visit him... I asked him to get the stuff through them…. But even they didn’t get his quota, and he died without getting that last drop he so much yearned for…”
“I have never felt bad for not getting him that last drop till now... But now my conscience is hurting... I feel his pain because I’m in the same stage as he was now... And it would end the same, if someone didn’t get me a beedi (cigarette) or a pakku (pan) before I die…”
“Why are you talking like this?? You are not that old... You'll live long...”
“One doesn’t know how much longer one is going to live at my stage... Getting one last chance of enjoying our favourite thing will be heaven on earth for a person of my age… I denied that chance for him…. I did a terrible thing… It was wrong… I should have bought him that… I could not understand him then…”
“What if someone doesn’t understand me at my end??? I just wish that I don’t have to be bed ridden... I don’t want to make my children suffer... I want to die in one go… You know, the best death is when you die in your sleep... You go to bed like always... You close your eyes... You never wake up… But only lucky people get that... I hope I’m lucky…”
“And what will I get by living a longer life?? I will be causing more trouble for you...”
“Taking care of you is not a trouble... It’s our duty...”
“Yes, it’s your duty… But as I get older, my bodily systems will get weaker... I'll need help... Always… Then, it'll be troublesome for both you and me... And I don’t have much more to see in this world... I would just like to see your sister's marriage and you getting a job... Just one more year will be enough for me... I just hope that I don’t get bed ridden...”
21.08.09
12.20pm
As I waiting for paying my bus fees at college, I get a call from home... It was my mom… “Kannan, come home now… Grandfather is not well... Its urgent…Come here fast...”
Even though my paranoid mind kept playing out the worst case scenarios, I convinced myself through the hour long ride back home that he was fine… Maybe some minor problem to his health… I remembered that he was out in the front yard in the morning, watering the plants, when I left for college…
As I reached home, Mom meets me at the gate... She's not crying now... That’s good, I thought…. But from her face, it seemed like she had just stopped crying... Mom takes my helmet from my hand... And then she starts crying... In the midst, she says, "Appupan poi." (Grandfather’s gone)
He went the way he liked... He fell down unconscious in front of our gate on his way home from the barber's... No broken bones or anything... Just a few scratches... I felt guilty... I could not give him the perfect exit... I must have got him his last beedi, or at least his last pakku... I would feel guilty about it forever... Since I had planned stocking one of each at home, if the need arose... But I didn’t think the end would happen so soon...
Slowly the news of his last few actions came in... He had talked to people standing just near our house... They said he was cheerful and hadn’t shown any pain or exhaustion... The doctor also said that he died because his heart stopped beating... Not a stroke, but his heart just stopped pumping blood... So the end came fast, like he liked...
Then came the message that made me happy in the middle of this tragedy... The local grocery man came to the funeral... He said, "Sir had come to my shop before coming home... We talked for a long time... Just before leaving, he bought a packet of pakku...”
Post-script
Ever since my sister's marriage was fixed, Appupan wanted it to happen no matter what happened to him... He kept saying that even if something happened to him, the marriage must happen... So, keeping in mind his last wish, we went ahead with the marriage...
And now, sitting here, nearly one year after I joined my job, I can say that all his last wishes were satisfied… Including the position in the front yard, where he wanted us to keep his ashes, as is the custom at our place… Even though, they have been removed about a year ago, I always steal glances to that spot, knowing well that he keeps watch over me…
I would like to end this with words taken from a post we received from a colleague of Appupan (grandfather)...
"I pray to Lord Padmanabha that may his noble soul rest in eternal peace"
This post was originally posted in “whatitmeanstobehari.blogspot.com”, my previous blog… Half the people who read it at that time couldn’t understand the head or tail of it… And I can’t blame them… I wrote this as an emotionally drained grandson… So I have now decided to edit the original post, and repost it here for it to make some sense to you… Read it through, and tell me about a great talk you have had with your grandparents…
*********************************************************
He used to tell me, actually teach me about all the things in the world… Till the age of ten, the half an hour power cut every day was actually story time for me and my cousin sister … The majestic lives of Akbar and Birbal, the legends of Ram and Krishna, the whole big bang theory, evolution of life, dinosaurs, anything and everything... Such was the variety of things he talked to us about, that I can’t understand for what reason I stopped this tradition of ours… We hadn’t talked like this since I was a little boy… Until…
16.08.09 (whatever I’m saying in this conversation have been given in italics)
"Do you remember your grandmother’s brother??? He was tall... Like you... I think taller than you... Six feet four... or five... Well, no one was there to take care of him in the end, and your grandmother and I decided to that... He was bed ridden, till the very end… He had once asked me to get him a bottle of kallu (Kerala’s very own brand of alcohol)... He said even a half would be enough, but that he just wanted a taste of it, before he died... I asked him how I could get him that, when I have never bought one in my life...”
“He said, “There is a shaap (a place where you get kallu) at the junction... Just go in and tell my name... They'll give you my usual...””
“But I could not bring alcohol inside the house to give to a sick old man... My morals and the fear of what society will say made me reject his request…. A few of his fellow drinking friends used to visit him... I asked him to get the stuff through them…. But even they didn’t get his quota, and he died without getting that last drop he so much yearned for…”
“I have never felt bad for not getting him that last drop till now... But now my conscience is hurting... I feel his pain because I’m in the same stage as he was now... And it would end the same, if someone didn’t get me a beedi (cigarette) or a pakku (pan) before I die…”
“Why are you talking like this?? You are not that old... You'll live long...”
“One doesn’t know how much longer one is going to live at my stage... Getting one last chance of enjoying our favourite thing will be heaven on earth for a person of my age… I denied that chance for him…. I did a terrible thing… It was wrong… I should have bought him that… I could not understand him then…”
“What if someone doesn’t understand me at my end??? I just wish that I don’t have to be bed ridden... I don’t want to make my children suffer... I want to die in one go… You know, the best death is when you die in your sleep... You go to bed like always... You close your eyes... You never wake up… But only lucky people get that... I hope I’m lucky…”
“And what will I get by living a longer life?? I will be causing more trouble for you...”
“Taking care of you is not a trouble... It’s our duty...”
“Yes, it’s your duty… But as I get older, my bodily systems will get weaker... I'll need help... Always… Then, it'll be troublesome for both you and me... And I don’t have much more to see in this world... I would just like to see your sister's marriage and you getting a job... Just one more year will be enough for me... I just hope that I don’t get bed ridden...”
21.08.09
12.20pm
As I waiting for paying my bus fees at college, I get a call from home... It was my mom… “Kannan, come home now… Grandfather is not well... Its urgent…Come here fast...”
Even though my paranoid mind kept playing out the worst case scenarios, I convinced myself through the hour long ride back home that he was fine… Maybe some minor problem to his health… I remembered that he was out in the front yard in the morning, watering the plants, when I left for college…
As I reached home, Mom meets me at the gate... She's not crying now... That’s good, I thought…. But from her face, it seemed like she had just stopped crying... Mom takes my helmet from my hand... And then she starts crying... In the midst, she says, "Appupan poi." (Grandfather’s gone)
He went the way he liked... He fell down unconscious in front of our gate on his way home from the barber's... No broken bones or anything... Just a few scratches... I felt guilty... I could not give him the perfect exit... I must have got him his last beedi, or at least his last pakku... I would feel guilty about it forever... Since I had planned stocking one of each at home, if the need arose... But I didn’t think the end would happen so soon...
Slowly the news of his last few actions came in... He had talked to people standing just near our house... They said he was cheerful and hadn’t shown any pain or exhaustion... The doctor also said that he died because his heart stopped beating... Not a stroke, but his heart just stopped pumping blood... So the end came fast, like he liked...
Then came the message that made me happy in the middle of this tragedy... The local grocery man came to the funeral... He said, "Sir had come to my shop before coming home... We talked for a long time... Just before leaving, he bought a packet of pakku...”
Post-script
Ever since my sister's marriage was fixed, Appupan wanted it to happen no matter what happened to him... He kept saying that even if something happened to him, the marriage must happen... So, keeping in mind his last wish, we went ahead with the marriage...
And now, sitting here, nearly one year after I joined my job, I can say that all his last wishes were satisfied… Including the position in the front yard, where he wanted us to keep his ashes, as is the custom at our place… Even though, they have been removed about a year ago, I always steal glances to that spot, knowing well that he keeps watch over me…
I would like to end this with words taken from a post we received from a colleague of Appupan (grandfather)...
"I pray to Lord Padmanabha that may his noble soul rest in eternal peace"
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My Paranoid Friend - Fine Print
"Bhaiyya... Ye kaun sa gadi hai??"
The fluency of his Hindi, or actually, the lack of it did nothing to hide the fact that Anush was not a versatile speaker in his adopted language. For a guy brought up in South India, all the Hindi he had to speak in active life was when he had to help some hapless tourist in his hometown with some directions.
Of course, being a product of the Kendriya Vidyalaya family stood him in good stead. Because 10 years of mugging up for the Hindi exams made sure that he could fit in with the crowd easily, when he had to go north in pursuit of his career.
Right now, he was returning to his "new" hometown, Gurgaon, after a three day weekend trip. Even though it was considerably far, he had his reasons to go. I could never understand his illogical antics, nor could any of his other friends. Despite this, he was good of heart, and that endeared me to this fella. And it was public secret that I always referred to him as "My Paranoid friend".
Many say he was inspired from Ghajini, but I remember seeing him trimmed up top even before that, with hair so scant, that you will think that he left them there just to let us know that he aint bald. But being a lanky figure with no 6 packs, he didn’t intimidate people with his "style" like Aamir or Surya did in Ghajini.
Going back to the origins of the said train journey, I remember him saying that he had got held up on his way to the station. Feeling that the sights along the roadside were way too good to be not framed by his new camera, he decided to walk to the station. He set out two hours before the train's due arrival at the station 2km away, but he was so caught up with taking pictures on the way that he arrived with time to just enquire which platform his train was at.
The person at the counter, Hafez had just put in his mouth his daily quota of betel leaves. His doctor had told him to cut his daily consumption, after a false scare, when he wrongly diagnosed with throat cancer. Hafez dropped taking it at first due to the scare he received, but as time wore on, he made a pact with God, that he would have it just once every day. He just couldn’t kill off his addiction.
Anyways, standing before him now was a young man, very much like his own son, trying to get back to his place. Hafez knew Anush had missed the last announcement for that train, but he didn’t want to miss his five minutes in heaven. So he just pointed him onto a train leaving the station.
Clutching the general class ticket he had had the brains to take the day before, he jumped onto the moving wagon, and found himself in the company of some fellow ticketless travellers. Wanting to confirm that the betel-chewing monster at the desk hadn’t tricked him onto the wrong train, he sought the company of this “nearing-30, but still trying to look like a dude” dude, with “Bhaiyya... Ye kaun sa gadi hai??"
“Tumko kahan jaana hai?”
“Dilli”
“Ticket hai?”
“General”
“Tho yahan kahin bhayt jao. Subah hoti hi dilli paunch jaagoge”
The “yahan kahin” that the dude referred to was the “vast” space between the cabins and toilet of the coach. Though already filled up with a varied assortment of bags and people, Anush made some space for himself, and sat in front of the wash basin.
And then started the non-stop ranting from the dude. I call him “the dude”, because for some reason Anush and the dude didn’t ask each other’s names. The norm of exchanging pleasantries, which is common everywhere else, loses its significance in lonely long travels, when the main thing the solo traveller requires is a person to talk to.
Anush was more than happy to have someone for company, because he hadn’t had anyone to talk to for the past two days. But like I said, most of the talking was by the dude, with Anush only allowed to talk when questioned. But on hearing that Anush was a junior level employee at a big company, who makes as much money as the dude does after 8 years of working, the dude goes into hyper drive, trying to prove a point, that the dude is way better than Anush.
“You know, I had got an offer when I was at dilli. This friend of mine had a friend, who on seeing my marketing skills, asked me to come join his company. He offered me 6 lakhs per month, a flat in east Delhi and a brand new four wheeler of minimum 8 lakhs. But I said no. These people offer these things, give you half of what they offer and make you stay for 5-8 years at the same place. And you gotta work like a slave to them.”
“I don’t like that. I want freedom. That’s why I chose this job. Yes, it pays less and it’s far away from home, but it gives me the freedom I need. Just last week, I barged into the room of my Area Manager and told him to make a decision about...”
Anush doesn’t actually remember what topic the dude discussed with his boss in such pompous fashion. He was actually trying to figure out what was the meaning of the dude’s t-shirt. It had the view of a city at sunset, with five skyscrapers. The one in the middle was the tallest one, with others decreasing in height symmetrically. And to add to the confusion, there was a letter “U” at the bottom of all this. Maybe, some new brand.
“… and so I told him that I will work when I want to work, and not any time else.” Anush had forgotten all about the monotonous talk that was going on beside him. “You should have seen his face. That fool with an MBA, only God knows from where he got it, wanted to kill me, but he couldn’t because I am the best he has in marketing. I just gave him my leave application and left.”
“Sitaphal… Meeta Sitaphal”, came the cry of a hawker from somewhere inside the train. “Say, would you like some sitaphal?? You must try it. It’s good for your body and health.” Saying so, the dude flagged down the passing hawker and asked him the price.
“Teen ka beez.”
“Arae yaar.. Paanch de de”
And after some shrewd wordplay, the dude was able to get five sitaphal at 20 rupees. Maybe, he wasn’t lying the whole time after all. Maybe he really is a good marketer like he said. As Anush was thinking over these lines, he was offered a sitaphal by a smiling dude.
Even though Anush tried to decline the offer, dude was persistent, and Anush had to accept it. Anush got up to wash the fruit, and that’s when his eyes fell on a poster above the wash basin. He sat down and began to read it. It was the usual poster you see in the coaches, saying “Passengers shouldn’t accept food from strangers, while travelling, as it might be drugged.” There was some fine print there too, but he couldn’t read it from where he was sitting.
As he bit into the sweet juicy flesh of the fruit, Anush thought about the futility of such messages. Now, who in their right minds would do such a thing? With so many instances of robbery on train committed using this MO, Anush was sure that nobody would fall for this trick. And that’s when it struck him.
He was doing exactly what the poster asked him not to do. And now, it was his paranoid mind which went into hyper drive.
Maybe the dude had planted himself there to get hapless people like him. Maybe the hawker was his accomplice, who came at the right time to sell the sitaphal. And didn’t he notice a prolonged eye contact when the hawker gave him the last fruit, the one dude gave him right now.
Such and more thoughts on this line whirred around his almost-bald head, until it struck him.
“Oh My God!!! I’m gonna get robbed.”
Anush hastily faked biting into a bad core, said a few curses out loud at the fruit, and threw it out the window. Dude offered him one more, but Anush, wisely refused it. As the baritone from the dude continued, Anush was thinking of how he could escape. And he was suddenly feeling sleepy. Even though he kept assuring himself that the cause for this was two days of sleeplessness and not a drugged fruit, he decided he could risk sitting there much longer.
Anush stood up. He had a confirmed ticket from the next station to dilli, and he just had to hitch a ride in this sleeper coach only till there. He told this to the dude, and said he was gonna go to his seat, as the next station was coming up soon. The dude was sad on hearing this, and asked Anush to keep him company a little while longer, but Anush was able to get himself loose from the dude’s grip.
Cursing his bad luck, Anush made his way to his coach. The walking was what he needed to lose his drowsiness, and he felt quite energetic as he reached his seat, just as the train reached the next station. The people who were sitting there got down at that station. Now, he didn’t have worry about travelling without a ticket. He jumped onto to his seat, and waited for his co-passengers to arrive. It was a family of four - father, mother and two kids.
He talked with the family for a few minutes, just out of basic courtesy. But the children took a liking to him, and he had to put off sleeping for an hour or so, as he played with kids. The mother called in the kids to give them some snacks, and Anush told them he was gonna sleep for a while, and that he would play with them later.
As he was getting himself ready for sleeping, the mother called out to him and asked him if he wanted some of the snacks. He refused, but she was persuasive, and the kids said they will eat only if he too ate it. Seeing the kid’s love for him, he couldn’t say no, and partook in their pre-lunch snacking.
And after that mini-meal, he set himself at the window seat, looking out at the passing scenery. The gentle rocking of the train, coupled with the cool breeze on his face was enough for him to lose his guard, and as he was lullabied into the ever-waiting sleep, he opened his eyes one more time, and it fell on the same poster he had seen earlier. It was stuck right opposite him on the wall, and now he could read the fine print.
"These miscreants are known to pose as a family, to catch the passengers off guard"
The fluency of his Hindi, or actually, the lack of it did nothing to hide the fact that Anush was not a versatile speaker in his adopted language. For a guy brought up in South India, all the Hindi he had to speak in active life was when he had to help some hapless tourist in his hometown with some directions.
Of course, being a product of the Kendriya Vidyalaya family stood him in good stead. Because 10 years of mugging up for the Hindi exams made sure that he could fit in with the crowd easily, when he had to go north in pursuit of his career.
Right now, he was returning to his "new" hometown, Gurgaon, after a three day weekend trip. Even though it was considerably far, he had his reasons to go. I could never understand his illogical antics, nor could any of his other friends. Despite this, he was good of heart, and that endeared me to this fella. And it was public secret that I always referred to him as "My Paranoid friend".
Many say he was inspired from Ghajini, but I remember seeing him trimmed up top even before that, with hair so scant, that you will think that he left them there just to let us know that he aint bald. But being a lanky figure with no 6 packs, he didn’t intimidate people with his "style" like Aamir or Surya did in Ghajini.
Going back to the origins of the said train journey, I remember him saying that he had got held up on his way to the station. Feeling that the sights along the roadside were way too good to be not framed by his new camera, he decided to walk to the station. He set out two hours before the train's due arrival at the station 2km away, but he was so caught up with taking pictures on the way that he arrived with time to just enquire which platform his train was at.
The person at the counter, Hafez had just put in his mouth his daily quota of betel leaves. His doctor had told him to cut his daily consumption, after a false scare, when he wrongly diagnosed with throat cancer. Hafez dropped taking it at first due to the scare he received, but as time wore on, he made a pact with God, that he would have it just once every day. He just couldn’t kill off his addiction.
Anyways, standing before him now was a young man, very much like his own son, trying to get back to his place. Hafez knew Anush had missed the last announcement for that train, but he didn’t want to miss his five minutes in heaven. So he just pointed him onto a train leaving the station.
Clutching the general class ticket he had had the brains to take the day before, he jumped onto the moving wagon, and found himself in the company of some fellow ticketless travellers. Wanting to confirm that the betel-chewing monster at the desk hadn’t tricked him onto the wrong train, he sought the company of this “nearing-30, but still trying to look like a dude” dude, with “Bhaiyya... Ye kaun sa gadi hai??"
“Tumko kahan jaana hai?”
“Dilli”
“Ticket hai?”
“General”
“Tho yahan kahin bhayt jao. Subah hoti hi dilli paunch jaagoge”
The “yahan kahin” that the dude referred to was the “vast” space between the cabins and toilet of the coach. Though already filled up with a varied assortment of bags and people, Anush made some space for himself, and sat in front of the wash basin.
And then started the non-stop ranting from the dude. I call him “the dude”, because for some reason Anush and the dude didn’t ask each other’s names. The norm of exchanging pleasantries, which is common everywhere else, loses its significance in lonely long travels, when the main thing the solo traveller requires is a person to talk to.
Anush was more than happy to have someone for company, because he hadn’t had anyone to talk to for the past two days. But like I said, most of the talking was by the dude, with Anush only allowed to talk when questioned. But on hearing that Anush was a junior level employee at a big company, who makes as much money as the dude does after 8 years of working, the dude goes into hyper drive, trying to prove a point, that the dude is way better than Anush.
“You know, I had got an offer when I was at dilli. This friend of mine had a friend, who on seeing my marketing skills, asked me to come join his company. He offered me 6 lakhs per month, a flat in east Delhi and a brand new four wheeler of minimum 8 lakhs. But I said no. These people offer these things, give you half of what they offer and make you stay for 5-8 years at the same place. And you gotta work like a slave to them.”
“I don’t like that. I want freedom. That’s why I chose this job. Yes, it pays less and it’s far away from home, but it gives me the freedom I need. Just last week, I barged into the room of my Area Manager and told him to make a decision about...”
Anush doesn’t actually remember what topic the dude discussed with his boss in such pompous fashion. He was actually trying to figure out what was the meaning of the dude’s t-shirt. It had the view of a city at sunset, with five skyscrapers. The one in the middle was the tallest one, with others decreasing in height symmetrically. And to add to the confusion, there was a letter “U” at the bottom of all this. Maybe, some new brand.
“… and so I told him that I will work when I want to work, and not any time else.” Anush had forgotten all about the monotonous talk that was going on beside him. “You should have seen his face. That fool with an MBA, only God knows from where he got it, wanted to kill me, but he couldn’t because I am the best he has in marketing. I just gave him my leave application and left.”
“Sitaphal… Meeta Sitaphal”, came the cry of a hawker from somewhere inside the train. “Say, would you like some sitaphal?? You must try it. It’s good for your body and health.” Saying so, the dude flagged down the passing hawker and asked him the price.
“Teen ka beez.”
“Arae yaar.. Paanch de de”
And after some shrewd wordplay, the dude was able to get five sitaphal at 20 rupees. Maybe, he wasn’t lying the whole time after all. Maybe he really is a good marketer like he said. As Anush was thinking over these lines, he was offered a sitaphal by a smiling dude.
Even though Anush tried to decline the offer, dude was persistent, and Anush had to accept it. Anush got up to wash the fruit, and that’s when his eyes fell on a poster above the wash basin. He sat down and began to read it. It was the usual poster you see in the coaches, saying “Passengers shouldn’t accept food from strangers, while travelling, as it might be drugged.” There was some fine print there too, but he couldn’t read it from where he was sitting.
As he bit into the sweet juicy flesh of the fruit, Anush thought about the futility of such messages. Now, who in their right minds would do such a thing? With so many instances of robbery on train committed using this MO, Anush was sure that nobody would fall for this trick. And that’s when it struck him.
He was doing exactly what the poster asked him not to do. And now, it was his paranoid mind which went into hyper drive.
Maybe the dude had planted himself there to get hapless people like him. Maybe the hawker was his accomplice, who came at the right time to sell the sitaphal. And didn’t he notice a prolonged eye contact when the hawker gave him the last fruit, the one dude gave him right now.
Such and more thoughts on this line whirred around his almost-bald head, until it struck him.
“Oh My God!!! I’m gonna get robbed.”
Anush hastily faked biting into a bad core, said a few curses out loud at the fruit, and threw it out the window. Dude offered him one more, but Anush, wisely refused it. As the baritone from the dude continued, Anush was thinking of how he could escape. And he was suddenly feeling sleepy. Even though he kept assuring himself that the cause for this was two days of sleeplessness and not a drugged fruit, he decided he could risk sitting there much longer.
Anush stood up. He had a confirmed ticket from the next station to dilli, and he just had to hitch a ride in this sleeper coach only till there. He told this to the dude, and said he was gonna go to his seat, as the next station was coming up soon. The dude was sad on hearing this, and asked Anush to keep him company a little while longer, but Anush was able to get himself loose from the dude’s grip.
Cursing his bad luck, Anush made his way to his coach. The walking was what he needed to lose his drowsiness, and he felt quite energetic as he reached his seat, just as the train reached the next station. The people who were sitting there got down at that station. Now, he didn’t have worry about travelling without a ticket. He jumped onto to his seat, and waited for his co-passengers to arrive. It was a family of four - father, mother and two kids.
He talked with the family for a few minutes, just out of basic courtesy. But the children took a liking to him, and he had to put off sleeping for an hour or so, as he played with kids. The mother called in the kids to give them some snacks, and Anush told them he was gonna sleep for a while, and that he would play with them later.
As he was getting himself ready for sleeping, the mother called out to him and asked him if he wanted some of the snacks. He refused, but she was persuasive, and the kids said they will eat only if he too ate it. Seeing the kid’s love for him, he couldn’t say no, and partook in their pre-lunch snacking.
And after that mini-meal, he set himself at the window seat, looking out at the passing scenery. The gentle rocking of the train, coupled with the cool breeze on his face was enough for him to lose his guard, and as he was lullabied into the ever-waiting sleep, he opened his eyes one more time, and it fell on the same poster he had seen earlier. It was stuck right opposite him on the wall, and now he could read the fine print.
"These miscreants are known to pose as a family, to catch the passengers off guard"
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