Bad day

Coming to write something after a derby game, and a derby game we lost, you would expect me to mourn the decline of Arsenal.. But I guess enough has already been said and written about it.. I'm going to talk about music for a change..


From October last year to this September, I had come to take music as more of a pass time than a passion.. Well the difference is that no matter which song is on, my reaction would be the same.. Let it be the crappy songs or the awesome ones, I deemed it fit only to be some random background noise.. But it all changed once I got back from home..


To explain how it changed, I need to tell you about my on-off relationship with music.. I liked hearing music, like any other person, as I grew up.. But it started making a difference only when I reached 8th standard.. My grandmother, unfortunately, let it slip that my Father used to hear music while studying.. And being a son who wanted to be a xerox copy of his dad, from mannerisms to hobbies, I was quick to install the family stereo player at my study table (ya, it was in those days when you had to press play, stop, rewind and play to put a song on repeat)..


Of course, my father was not pleased with this arrangement.. I was not making the best of grades, and he didnt think that it would change with that old stereo player screaming radio and assorted film songs into my ears.. But he couldnt make me stop, because it was his own mother who gave him no foothold in the argument, by leaking to me the fact that his grades went up, when he started doing that..


And it all paid off for me by the time I reached 10th.. Yes, it took two years, but it was a momentous moment for me, when I finally hit a cent percent on a Maths test.. I am taking the liberty of puffing my ego by stating the fact that I have always been good with numbers.. But I never was able to weed out the simple mistakes, which always left me short (mostly, well short) of the full marks..


But that fateful day in 2004, I hit the 9th cloud.. And, my dad was there to celebrate it with me.. And as a special present (it were simpler days then), he got a new stereo cum CD player.. Well, not just for me.. It was for the entire family.. the old player had lived it life to the fullest, with me draining its blood in its old age..


Anyways, it was step forward in music for me.. I now had a varied range to select from - the Vintage Anathapuri FM, my steadily built stereo cassette collection, and the new CD base I was building..


All through this time, the songs I heard made a mark in my heart, either through its music, or its lyrics, or just some random instrument making a weird sound at some point in the song, which captured my attention.. So even though I was supposed to be learning, I would be waiting for that moment in the song which would make me happier than I was a second before..


And now, we fast forward to my 12th standard, when I got my portable CD player.. It meant that I could blast my favorite songs at full volume into my ears as I "studied" - let it be at the dinner table, on my bed or the couch.. It opened up another experience for me.. Of being with music for a larger share of my waking state.. Over the four years I have spoken of, music went from being an hour a day program, to a thing I had to have on whenever I was at home..


An interesting fact about that portable CD player.. One day, when for some reason it stopped working, I decided that hitting it hard 2-3 times with my writing board would make it work.. Needless to say, I had heard my last song from that player a few seconds before I executed that decision.. And that marked the beginning of the series of distasteful ends for various electronics devices, under my supervision..


Anyways, acquiring my music player/mobile camera/mobile phone, the legendary Nokia 6233, kicked off the third phase of my musical double life.. Having my favorite songs at a click of a button.. The ultimate freedom for any music lover.. So started my habit of plugging on my headphones whenever I was on the move.. Between home and college, when on trip with parents (looking back now, that was a lot helpful in ruining the times I could have spent with my family) etc etc..


Anyways, that was when I actually started moving away from the true sense of
enjoying music.. It's been written long before that anything, in excess is a danger.. So is music.. Over the four years of Engineering college life, I lost my weird sense of enjoying music.. Of enjoying the music, the lyrics, the instruments.. But more importantly, of enjoying the mood of the song, as it resonated with my mood..


I had specific songs.. Songs for happy times, songs for friendship, songs for romancing my heartthrob, songs for easing my broken heart, songs for goodbyes, songs for reunions.. But as I moved across 2006 to 2011, these songs lost their meanings, lost their soul for me.. Frankly speaking, my soul lost the ears with which I used to hear those songs..


And things took a turn for the worse, with me acquiring an Apple iPod Nano as part of my first salary blast.. Music became more of a luxury than a hobby.. Songs that touched my heart turned into random vibrations on my ears, that were lost in the background, as thoughts other than music filled my head..


And as I boarded the flight back to Gurgaon this September, I left all those things
behind.. Trying to find ways to make myself happy, by living the life I was living when I was a teenager, I'm going to back to music.. For comfort, for happiness..


I gave my iPod on loan to my brother.. He enjoys music more than me to lose his sense to that monster of a device.. I filled my phone with music, but only to keep me company when I on the go..


At home, I am hearing to, and constantly updating a Youtube playlist, which has all
those songs which made me happy in those years as a novice teen.. I'll publish those songs once I deem it fit to have something for everyone.. Until then, those beautiful songs from the years gone by will caress my ears as I am taken away on a beautiful journey by the music..


And as I told you, this was a bad day for me.. And to go with the mood, I have lined up a few songs on my playlist - "Kanner Poovintae" from Kireedom (Malayalam), "En Kadhalae" from Duet (Tamil), "Bin Tere" from I Hate Love stories (Hindi), and "Fact Fiction" by Mads Langer(English) to lull me to sleep as I forget this day with music..