5 things for this week (Part 22)

Well, today is a special day. Because we have our first guest post in this series. But due to the nature of the content being discussed, the author has insisted that he remain incognito for this post. Nonetheless, I would like you to welcome him and appreciate his ingenuous piece on ingenious ways to feel more happy at work.

***

The month of March is very special. The cycle of seasons finish one more lap, and the month welcomes the season of Spring. After the cold weather leaves the land barren, Spring heralds the coming of new life everywhere. Flowers start blossoming, rivers start gushing with more water, animals come out of hibernation - basically, life celebrates the arrival of the spring sun.

And you would normally expect the homo sapiens to take part in the same "festival". But most of us are forced to curb our natural inclination towards having a jovial time. This is because, while our fellow fauna use the Autumn season to stockpile resources, we tend to use the season of Spring for the same task.

The month of March in the season of Spring is that time of the year, when everyone (except those on probation) are busy filing out their yearly review form. They are on their best behaviour; putting in those extra hours at the office, which will take them higher on the list.. And they are all doing this for the same thing.

INCREMENT.

I have done the same too. Now, please let me tell you the gist of what I learned from my said efforts.

Hard work, dedication, loyalty and good behaviour may be the conventional methods to improve your career, but it doesn't give you 100% satisfaction on the increment front. A change in stance from management; an unlucky mistake on your part leading to a black mark; the now never mentioned 'recession'; or a multitude of other factors can put a spanner in that double digit increment you were looking forward to.

But don't worry Ladies and Gentlemen. Don't worry any more. I'm here to give you five sure shot methods to increase your salary.. But before that, let me explain to you the basic terms we are going to use here..

1. CTC : Cost To Company. It is just what it reads. It is the net amount that the company has to spend to keep you slaving for them. Remember the term properly. We are going to misuse this term for our benefit. ;)
2. Working hours : We are going to assume that the normal working hours is 8 hours.
3. Daily wages : The money we earn for working a day (that is a minimum of 8 hours).

So, as a part of the "5 things" series on this blog, here are the five ways you can increase your CTC.

Did you know that you can increase your CTC by...

1. ...taking more stationery?

Need a book to write down the expenses at home? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a pen to write an exam? Issue it from the stationery.
Need some color markers to give to a friend who is currently studying? Issue it from the stationery.

Need some stick-ons to write down the grocery list? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a stamp pad/glue stick/file clamp/folder or just some blank A4 papers? Issue it from the stationery.

The amount of money spent by the company to keep up the inventory at the stationery is a part of the CTC that is consumed by you. This has been termed as cheap/stealing by few, but so is not rewarding you according to your hard work.

2. ...by taking the "Phone a friend" helpline?

"Phone a friend" is an option available to the contestant taking part in the famous "Kaun Banega Crorepati". While answering a series of questions, each with continually increasing prize money, if the contestant feels like he needs help, he can choose this option and ask one of his friend.

You could use the same option too. You must have an office landline phone near you. Use it to the maximum.

Call your girlfriend and talk about where to meet up today.
Call your college friends and discuss the latest escapades.
Call your parents and try to convince them why you don't want to save money right now.
Call your relatives and enquire about their health.
Call your bank and inquire about their new credit card offer.
Call your grocery store and place an order.
Call that guy with the weird laugh you met at that wedding years ago, and check if he still laughs like that.

And no prize for guessing who pays the bill for all these calls.

3. ...by surfing?

Not that kind of surfing.

I meant surfing the internet. Sites maybe blocked, but an obstacle has never stopped an enterprising man. [Hint : Proxy sites]

4. ...by looking busy?

I learnt quickly in my previous job that this has to be a skill that you can pull off with ease. It doesn't matter if you are working to meet the target, or looking at the latest "page 3" pictures, the look on your face must be the same - of someone who's very busy in doing something. And if someone tries to break this monotony, react as if you were pulled away from something important. This reduces the workload and keeps people from dumping work on you.

5. ...by doing shit?

This doesn't mean that you should not do anything. This just means what it literally means - go shit. It can be mathematically proved that spending time in the restroom is equivalent to a whole week of holiday.

If you spend 10 minutes in the restroom, sitting on the thinking chair, everyday, every week, every month; then it means 50 minutes per week. As there is 52 weeks in an year, that equates to 2600 minutes per year. For those of you lazy enough to convert that into hours, it is 43.33 hours.

As there are 8 hours in a normal working day, this means that you are getting paid more than 5 days worth of daily wages every year for sitting on the other chair at the office.

Now, there's a happy thought.

Well, that's it from me. Hope you liked the little mischievous ways for increasing your CTC.

***

Those were some mischievous way to increase your CTC indeed. I don't endorse it, but it's always good to know your options.

Now, I'll take your leave till next week. I'm working on another blog, and hopefully it'll be up soon.

Anyways, see you later.

Have a great weekend!!!

5 things for this week (Part 21)

The first day back from home after your vacation is always the worst. The obstreperous nature of things inside your head makes you question yourself.

"What is the purpose of staying out here for four months, if 7 days at home is all you want? Is this sort of penance worth the money you are supposed to be making? Is this what I wanted all along, or what I want for myself?"

I know the answer to the last one. For someone who wished to be able to work in his home city for all his life, so that he can live blissfully in the same circumstances in which he grew up, I know pretty well that the answer to the first part of that last question is a big NO.

And when I consider that I'll leave for home again in December end and come back on New Year's day, I shudder to my bones. I'll be leaving when it's cold here, then spend some quality time at home when its moderately warm there, and then come back to a colder Delhi for another four, or maybe, five months of abstinence.

And it's hard to rue your fate when you made an informed decision three years back to NOT to go for that IT job, which would have eventually placed you in your hometown, but to go for the other job, which will take you far, far away from there. I don't think I need anything other than that singular decision to prove my insanity.

Anyways, here I am, trying hard to figure out the loophole in my prayer that God had exploited to put me here. I don't know what he could do with "Please help me get a good job here in Trivandrum.", but he did something. The pessimist in me had thrown in the towel and became an atheist long back. The optimist in me believes that since I didn't specify a time frame, he must have something planned for me back home, based upon the experience I have gained here.

With all said and done, on the basis of the thoughts on prayers that I've had now, this week's post is going to be themed on "Temples". Not actual facts, mind you, but more of what my experiences have taught me.

So, let's begin, shall we?

Did you know...

1. ...that you have to pray for the thing you actually wanted??

It is a common sight to see people breaking coconuts in front of Lord Ganesha for removing any obstacles in some effort that they are about to undertake. These efforts vary from writing an exam to going to get married. What I've personally experienced in such situations is that at the time of breaking the coconut, instead of praying to the God that he remove all obstacles, you are most probably going to pray that the coconut should break.

The ridicule-drenched looks you get on an unsuccessful attempt is enough to keep your mind sorely concentrated on the act of breaking the coconut, making you forget to specify for what you are breaking it in the first place.

2. ...that the best place to find beautiful gals are here?

Now, when I say there's beauty in a female, I know that it's arbitrary. My friends have never spared a moment to remind me that what I find beautiful is not that beautiful in the eyes of the general public. But no matter how skewed your scale of beauty is, I can assure you that you can find one specimen of the highest order if you visit a temple on an auspicious day. This is another reason why I often forget to actually pray when I get to a temple. I get immersed in the distractions walking around me.

3. ... that a temple is a good place to be on the look out for?

Look out for what, I hear you ask. Well, let's pretend that your parents are delusion-ed enough to suggest that you should get married. Let's continue with the pretending by assuming that they are actively looking for a possible match for you. In such circumstances, it might be plausible for their expectation to be not matching with yours. In such a hypothetical situation, it would do you good to go on a temple visit with your parents, where there shall be a variety of specimen of the female kind for you to, hypothetically, suggest one as your expectation.

4. ... that, hypothetically, if you meet again that girl, that you had hypothetically suggested to your parents as a possible lifemate, it doesnt mean anything?

Just keep repeating that to yourself. Hypothetically, of course. :D :p

5. ... that I've never set foot on a place of worship other than a temple?

I find this odd. In 25 years of roaming about on this Earth, in spite of living in God's own country for more than two decades, I'm yet to enter a place of worship that adheres to a different set of principles than that I'm supposed to follow.

The closest I came was in the May of this year, when I went to attend a Christian wedding at a church. But since we (me and my collegemates) were quite noisy, we felt it would be better if we just stuck to the little space near the juice stand.

----------

So, that's all for this week. I would have loved to hit a hat trick with three "special event of the week" posts on the trot, but the special event for this week has already been described by me in the past.

You won't normally find an aspiring writer who'll say that he has already written the best he could/would ever write, but I might be something like that. This past Wednesday, August 21st  had three special events on the same day for me. In the chronological order in which I was introduced to them in my life, it was the day one of my best friends was born; it marked four years since my grandfather died; and it was the second birthday of my nephew.

I had written "The Last Wish" nearly four years before, to pay my tribute to one of the best personalities I've ever known. I recounted my last meaningful talk with him in that. And I believe that that is the best prose I'll ever write in my life.

That's all folks. See you next week.

Have a great weekend!!!

5 things for this week (Part 20)

Now, if I had done a post last week on a special day happening during the week, then it makes sense on my part to continue with that same philosophy for this week too. But don't think that this post is obligatory. This post is going to be sweet, short and simple. But if in some manner you deem this post to be obligatory, then please do sympathize with my situation. By the time I'm posting this, I'll be at home and I will personally be enjoying those 140 hours of freedom from THIS life - freedom being our choice of theme this week.

So, as you might have read in today's newspaper, it was our Independence day yesterday. Now, that sentence is a lie. Why? Because I don't know any newspaper which comes out with an issue on the day after a national holiday.

Anyways, August pandrah san unniz sou sayntaalees main, humare pandit Jawaharlal Nehru ji ne lal qila me bharat ka pataka udake bhaarat ko swathantre ghoshit kar liya.

For those of you who don't understand Hindi, or if you don't understand the "Hindi" that I wrote above, it's translation in English would be along the lines of

on August 15th, 1947, our Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru flew the Indian Flag atop the Red Fort, declaring to the world that India is a free state.

With that, we shall begin today's "5 things".

Did you know...

1. ...that Telangana will be our 29th independent state of the Indian Republic?

"On 30 July 2013, the ruling Congress party resolved to request the Central government to make steps in accordance with the Constitution to form a separate state of Telangana. The timeline for the creation of the new state involves an elaborate process, which has been allotted 122 days, or at least four months. The split has to be approved by the Parliament of India before the state is officially created."

So, that is another state's name your child will have to remember when he goes for his Social Science exams. Some people have extrapolated this increase in the number of states in India to come up with a future map of India, titling it "United States of India".

P.S. Let's let go of the states here and turn our attention to the union territories in India. There are seven of them. Can you name them all??

2. ...that the last time I sang our National anthem was some 5 years back?

This is a confession. I've to admit that since I left school, few situation have arose wherein I had to sing our National anthem. I believe this to be situation of grave consequences. Being the National Anthem, there are restraints of location and timing for the use of National Anthem. Our generation shouldn't be allowed to squalor in the songs of the west, but be given opportunities to sing aloud their National Anthem.

3. ...that the last time I took the National Pledge was back in school?

That would be the early part of 2006, a good seven years before. What I mean to say with the National Anthem and National Pledge points is not that we don't care. I'm pretty sure that you, like me, would repeat the words of both; refresh them in due time in your mind. But the basic aim of these two pillars is to imbibe the spirit of Patriotism in those who take part in it. It is not something that should be done by an individual, but by the community. There has to be more venues for doing the same.

4. ...that the person who designed our national flag is yet to receive a Bharat Ratna - the highest civilian award in India?

The name you are looking for is Pingali Venkayya. He was the one who suggested the idea of a national flag for India at an annual congress meeting, and was entrusted with the making of the same by Mahatma Gandhi. He used safforn and green to represent the major communities in India, Gandhiji added white to represent the minorities, and the Ashok Chakra was included to represent the laws of Dharma.

5. ...that a group of tribal girls, who have never played football outside of their village, came third at an international competition in Spain?

You can't keep me away from football for too long. I'll find some way to sneak it in here. But this is not something which we have to whisper among ourselves. These girls braved the odds, went afar, played to their full potential and came back glorious. Kudos to them and their mentor, Franz Gastler.

Well, that's it from me for this week.

See you all next week.

Have a great weekend!!!

5 things for this week (Part 19)

I just got off the phone after talking to a special person. Even though he is just about two years old, he has become a maverick at home, wooing and amusing all who are there with his antics. In between his calls of "Maama*!! Maama!!", he was trying to tell me about this cooker he was playing with.

*Mama is Uncle in Malayalam

I'm told that his reaction to the cooker is rather amusing, and depends entirely on the place where it is resting. All places bar the stove means that he is the master - he can lift it up, throw it around, bang it on the ground, play with it for an eternity as it may seem.

But when the said cooker is placed on the stove (the stove hasn't to be lit; it just has to be there on the stove), you won't find him within 10 feet of it. He'll seen hiding behind the curtain on the door frame, trying to sneak a peak of whether someone is going to move his "toy" into a more non-hazardous area.

Even if you try to take him near to the cooker, he will start getting agitated, screaming "Shoo!! Shoo!!", referring to the obnoxious sound that emanates from his favorite toy.

After he got bored with talking to the phone which sounded like his Maaman, he started asking my mother to take him back to the cooker. So, my mother gave the phone to my father to cut the call.

As I was saying my regards, I heard something in the background. Cries of "ALLAH HO AKBAR!!!" from the mosque near my home. Since my blog this week is themed on "ISLAM", with it being Eid, you might think that this is suspiciously convenient for me, but I think of it as nothing more than a happy coincidence. A sort of "you are doing things the right way" signal from someone above us.

Coming back to the cries that I heard, I still remember the early mornings I used to have on exam days. Roughly two and a half minutes after I had snoozed my first alarm, I would be jolted out of my half-sleepy state by this cry ringing out clear and loud from the mosque nearby. It was God's alarm to remind me that I had about two hours to mug up some more so that I don't face more problems than necessary at the exam.

Living at a place which was two minutes away from a temple and a mosque meant that I never thought of people from other religion as something different. I didn't need someone to teach me the customs and practices of people from other religions are different to mine. I observed as much in my daily life. I believe that this is a far better tool to make us less bitter in the inside.

I've been always been horrified at all the hate I've heard about, and recently seen, towards this particular sect of our fellow denizens. Like I said before, maybe it's because I've never thought of them as any different to us.

If we are going to blame a community for the doings of a few among them, then think of all the things that the earth will be blaming on the seven billion of us living on her.

If we are going to retaliate on the whole for the act of a few, then think of how you will protect yourself, if all the animals in the world retaliated for the cruelty hurled upon them by a few.

Most of us would have seen the above picture in some social networking site, and had a laugh - if not at the apparent stereotyping, then at the levels to which humans have degraded themselves to.

I know it is hard to change the views that you have had for years, but I think if you can be a bit more lenient in your thoughts and words, then this world can be a better place for everyone here.

"There's already enough hate in this world without you adding to it."

It's a cliche, but such cliches exist because we can't seem to follow what it says.

So, as my little step towards fostering an amicable relation towards the followers of Islam from the rest of us, today's "5 things" will be about the customs, practices and rituals of Muslims.

Shall we begin then?? Alrighty then.

Did you know...

1. ...that the religions of Islam is based upon the "Five pillars of Islam"?

They make up Muslim life, prayer, concern for the needy, self purification and the pilgrimage. They are :

1. Shahadah (belief or confession of faith)
2. Salat (worship in the form of prayer)
3. Sawm Ramadan (fasting during the month of Ramadan)
4. Zakat (alms or charitable giving)
5. Hajj (the pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in a lifetime.

2. ...that Muslims fast in the month of Ramadan because they feel that it brings them closer to God?

In the month when the Quran was revealed, Muslims all over the world fast from sunrise to sunset. They abstain from eating, drinking and conjugal relationships for that time over a period of month as a penance. This carries a significant spiritual meaning for them. It teaches one the principle of love: because when one observes fasting, it is done out of deep love for God and to learn self-restraint. Also, this enables them to feel compassion at the plight of those who are less fortunate than them.

3. ...that the Hajj is the largest gathering of people around the world every year?

As a part of the "Five pillars of Islam", it is the religious duty of every able-bodied Muslim, who can afford to, to go for pilgrimage, at least once in his or her lifetime. As a part of this, millions of believers folk to the city of Mecca, Saudi Arabia to fulfill their duty.

4. ...that a believer must pray five times a day?

This prayer is the cries to the God that I heard as I grew up. Called Salah, this ritual consists of repeating a set of prescribed actions and words. Obligatory salah is prescribed at five periods of the day. These are measured according to the movement of the sun. These are: near dawn, after midday has passed and the sun starts to tilt downwards / Noon, in the afternoon, just after sunset and around nightfall.

5. ...that the Muslims believe that Jesus is a prophet?

Now, before I cause any unnecessary controversy, let me make my point clear. If you would be kind enough to click on that link you will read the following,

"Muslims believe that God had previously revealed Himself to the earlier prophets of the Jews and Christians, such as Abraham, Moses, and Jesus. Muslims therefore accept the teachings of both the Jewish Torah and the Christian Gospels. They believe that Islam is the perfection of the religion revealed first to Abraham (who is considered the first Muslim) and later to other prophets"

(and an extra one for today)

...that the food at Muslim wedding is unbelievable?

Unbelievable because of the variety of dishes served. Unbelievable because of the taste of the served dishes. Unbelievable because of the amount of the dishes you would treat yourself to. You have to go to one to understand how good it is.

Another surprisingly convincing thing in this blog will be that my neighbour (who is a Muslim) is getting married on the 15th of this month, and as my luck would have it, I'm at home from that day for my second vacation of the year. You would think that I would now go on and gloat about me having a non vegetarian feast on the day I reach home, but no, I won't do that.

Why?

Because I'm a vegetarian on Thursdays.

Why?

I'll tell you some other time. I'm now off to buy a toy cooker.

See you all next week.

Have a great weekend!!!

The purpose of THIS

I came across this image on the internet in the recent past.

If you can't see the image, here is what's written in it.

"Time changes everything.
That's what people say. It's not true.
Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves them exactly as they were."

I came across all this and more at a site called "quora". There, they have civilized discussions on all topics under the sun, from "what's your opinion about a guy who worked as a professional footballer for over 20 years without ever having to step onto the pitch" to "Do female astronauts were bras in space?". Like I said, they discuss all kinds of topics there. ;)

Anyways, I found the picture that I've shown you in a discussion happening in that site. The topic being discussed was "At age 25, would you pursue a good paying corporate job that makes you unhappy or a hobby that makes you happy, but has no guarantee to pay the bills?"

Well, just picture me reading that question. A 24 year old guy, in a good paying corporate job, who is partly unhappy because he finds himself not anywhere near where he wanted to be by now. And sad to say, I don't think I'm that good enough at any of my hobbies to earn a penny from it. After all, knowledge in most matter relating to the football club called Arsenal; or knowing how to use the computer in an optimal manner; or writing something every week is not going to make me any money.

Moreover, I don't think I want to make money from them. It's all well and good, if you can work in a field you love, but for people like me, who have a mediocre skill set, it's always safe to make sure that the hobby is just that, a hobby. Something you do to derive pleasure from. Something which strokes your ego. But there was a time when I felt that it was tedious to make an effort to do your hobby.

That was the time when I asked myself this question over and over again - "How do I make myself happy?" That is a question that has plagued the minds of the best. I saw my friends trying for higher studies; trying for high paying jobs; trying to get into government service; trying to follow their dream; trying to go and study abroad; etc etc. I evaluated each option and said "NO" to each. The fact that I had to "try" for them put me off from doing them.

Don't get me wrong. It is not that I'm lazy or anything. I look at where I am now, and I feel that if I step in any other direction to better my career, it'll be asking more of me in return. I won't say that the job that I've and the work that I do are perfect, but, to be honest, it suits me fine.

There is no never-ending, undue pressure on me; the work is always doable; I get my weekends off; I'm valued for the work I do. These are the things I want from my work. Of course, I would love to get paid thrice the money for doing a quarter of this work, but you can't have it all, can you?

It is in this scenario that I accepted my friend's advice to work on my writing skills as a means of improving my look on my life. And what better way to better your writing skills than to write regularly. Jerry Seinfeld is a popular comedian in the Western world, and this is what he had to say about how he continually achieved creative success.

"Seinfeld explained his method for success: each January, he hangs a large year-at-a-glance calendar on his wall and, for every day he wrote new material, he had the exquisite pleasure that can only come from drawing a big red "X" over that day.  Drawing those Xs got to be pretty fun and rewarding, so he kept doing it. Eventually, he began to create a chain of red Xs.

The idea was to never break that chain.

Not only does this approach program the body and mind to sit down and write daily – it also motivates you to continue that beautiful string of big, red Xs. If you don't write one day, you don't get to draw the X."

I came across this after I started the "5 things" series, but I'll gladly accept that this is in fact something I keep in my mind as I continue the series. I know that I might expose myself to ridicule just because I write for the sake of writing, but I feel it is necessary to write something every week. It makes me happy in the sense that I feel like I've met the target that I set for myself.

Speaking of ridicules, "She has a blog, and to tell the truth, it is ten times better than yours."

Let us forget for a moment that this comment is coming from a person actively stalking the said 'she', who is a new joinee at my office; and just concentrate on the last part of that sentence. 'it is ten times better than you.' But just after a short while.

Have you heard about the Infinite Monkey Theorem??

"A monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare."

I'm someone who believes very much in the possibility of that happening. So for a person, who believes in the prospect of a monkey outwitting him to full-on literature glory, I'm at peace with the fact that the world contains people better than me.

For a language as widely used as English, there are only 26 letters for you to work with. And with just those handful of letters, it opens up the possibility of a great love story; an emotional prose; a poem describing the beauty of nature; a phrase encapsulating the universal truth; a sentence about the current socio-economic situation; a word on the lifetime achievement of a legend, etc etc.

No where is it written that you can find a gem of a sentence, but at the tip of a genius's pen. What the internet has done is to provide "monkeys" like us a platform to showcase what we have typed. It has opened up our work to an unequal amount of praise and ridicule. It has provided us a way to know how good we are in the eyes of the world.

But if ever someone says to you that your work could improve, never be disheartened. Just realize that you might have to type some more on that typewriter, before you find your own literary gem.