5 things for this week (Part 22)

Well, today is a special day. Because we have our first guest post in this series. But due to the nature of the content being discussed, the author has insisted that he remain incognito for this post. Nonetheless, I would like you to welcome him and appreciate his ingenuous piece on ingenious ways to feel more happy at work.

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The month of March is very special. The cycle of seasons finish one more lap, and the month welcomes the season of Spring. After the cold weather leaves the land barren, Spring heralds the coming of new life everywhere. Flowers start blossoming, rivers start gushing with more water, animals come out of hibernation - basically, life celebrates the arrival of the spring sun.

And you would normally expect the homo sapiens to take part in the same "festival". But most of us are forced to curb our natural inclination towards having a jovial time. This is because, while our fellow fauna use the Autumn season to stockpile resources, we tend to use the season of Spring for the same task.

The month of March in the season of Spring is that time of the year, when everyone (except those on probation) are busy filing out their yearly review form. They are on their best behaviour; putting in those extra hours at the office, which will take them higher on the list.. And they are all doing this for the same thing.

INCREMENT.

I have done the same too. Now, please let me tell you the gist of what I learned from my said efforts.

Hard work, dedication, loyalty and good behaviour may be the conventional methods to improve your career, but it doesn't give you 100% satisfaction on the increment front. A change in stance from management; an unlucky mistake on your part leading to a black mark; the now never mentioned 'recession'; or a multitude of other factors can put a spanner in that double digit increment you were looking forward to.

But don't worry Ladies and Gentlemen. Don't worry any more. I'm here to give you five sure shot methods to increase your salary.. But before that, let me explain to you the basic terms we are going to use here..

1. CTC : Cost To Company. It is just what it reads. It is the net amount that the company has to spend to keep you slaving for them. Remember the term properly. We are going to misuse this term for our benefit. ;)
2. Working hours : We are going to assume that the normal working hours is 8 hours.
3. Daily wages : The money we earn for working a day (that is a minimum of 8 hours).

So, as a part of the "5 things" series on this blog, here are the five ways you can increase your CTC.

Did you know that you can increase your CTC by...

1. ...taking more stationery?

Need a book to write down the expenses at home? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a pen to write an exam? Issue it from the stationery.
Need some color markers to give to a friend who is currently studying? Issue it from the stationery.

Need some stick-ons to write down the grocery list? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a stamp pad/glue stick/file clamp/folder or just some blank A4 papers? Issue it from the stationery.

The amount of money spent by the company to keep up the inventory at the stationery is a part of the CTC that is consumed by you. This has been termed as cheap/stealing by few, but so is not rewarding you according to your hard work.

2. ...by taking the "Phone a friend" helpline?

"Phone a friend" is an option available to the contestant taking part in the famous "Kaun Banega Crorepati". While answering a series of questions, each with continually increasing prize money, if the contestant feels like he needs help, he can choose this option and ask one of his friend.

You could use the same option too. You must have an office landline phone near you. Use it to the maximum.

Call your girlfriend and talk about where to meet up today.
Call your college friends and discuss the latest escapades.
Call your parents and try to convince them why you don't want to save money right now.
Call your relatives and enquire about their health.
Call your bank and inquire about their new credit card offer.
Call your grocery store and place an order.
Call that guy with the weird laugh you met at that wedding years ago, and check if he still laughs like that.

And no prize for guessing who pays the bill for all these calls.

3. ...by surfing?

Not that kind of surfing.

I meant surfing the internet. Sites maybe blocked, but an obstacle has never stopped an enterprising man. [Hint : Proxy sites]

4. ...by looking busy?

I learnt quickly in my previous job that this has to be a skill that you can pull off with ease. It doesn't matter if you are working to meet the target, or looking at the latest "page 3" pictures, the look on your face must be the same - of someone who's very busy in doing something. And if someone tries to break this monotony, react as if you were pulled away from something important. This reduces the workload and keeps people from dumping work on you.

5. ...by doing shit?

This doesn't mean that you should not do anything. This just means what it literally means - go shit. It can be mathematically proved that spending time in the restroom is equivalent to a whole week of holiday.

If you spend 10 minutes in the restroom, sitting on the thinking chair, everyday, every week, every month; then it means 50 minutes per week. As there is 52 weeks in an year, that equates to 2600 minutes per year. For those of you lazy enough to convert that into hours, it is 43.33 hours.

As there are 8 hours in a normal working day, this means that you are getting paid more than 5 days worth of daily wages every year for sitting on the other chair at the office.

Now, there's a happy thought.

Well, that's it from me. Hope you liked the little mischievous ways for increasing your CTC.

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Those were some mischievous way to increase your CTC indeed. I don't endorse it, but it's always good to know your options.

Now, I'll take your leave till next week. I'm working on another blog, and hopefully it'll be up soon.

Anyways, see you later.

Have a great weekend!!!