5 things I learned this week (Part 13)

What do you say when someone asks you “How’s your ass?”

I know that it is not a typical question to be included in the “English for Dummies” book. From last week’s blog, you might have come to know about my predicament, and hence, the need for me to find an apt answer for the above mentioned question. When you get asked the same question, repeatedly and from a small group of people, you would undeniably feel the need to spice up the reply.

But by the time I came up with a kick ass reply, people stopped asking me the question. I don’t know if they suddenly sprouted psychic antennas on their heads to know of my premeditated reply, but once I made up my mind to answer  the said question with “Not as good as yours.”, no one, and I repeat, no one asked me how my behind is.

Moving on to more important matters and milestones, in less than 50 hours of the official publishing of this blog, I’ll be reaching the third anniversary of the birth of my career. Three years of trying to find my feet in this big world. Three years of optimizing the way to optimize your work. Three years of waiting for increments and grading, only to reassure oneself that it’ll be better next year. Three years of successfully avoiding the thought of higher studies. Three years of convincing oneself to not resign from the job.

Why you may ask? My idea of my career was always centered in and around my beautiful city of Trivandrum. This was so that I could be lost in the surroundings that I feel reflect my inner mind - the serenity, the “laidbackness”, the inertia to change, the weather, the hartals, and from what I heard, a whole week given as holiday by the Government so that everyone can sit at home and enjoy the torrential rains this monsoon.

How I wish I was back in my room at my home. With the rain tapping on my window, some bouncing off the metal sheets over the parking lot, and with thunder flashing across the sky. That would be heaven.

But here I am, on a Friday evening, sitting at my desk in office at 8pm, compensating for the short leaves that I took this month. I got overtime tomorrow for some work. I don’t go home for another two months. There is not even an inkling of rain here, even though there seems to an unrespectable amount of it in all the neighboring states.

As I reflect on what I deem to be a cruel trick on me by my fate; which professed to me a successful, fulfilling job, when I allowed it to uproot me from my comfort zone, and plant me here; I think of the next batch of freshers joining here on Monday. And keeping in mind the feedback that I’ve received regarding my Interview tips blog, I’m going to do a “Tips for Fresher “ themed post here so that my experiences can be of some use to them.

So, let’s begin, shall we?

Did you know…

1.  …that you should be humble enough to do any work, no matter how trivial or menial, that comes your way?

“Go take that printout I just gave. (cos I can’t be arsed out of my seat)”

“Stamp these files.”

“Go and see if so-and-so is there at his seat. (cos I don’t know his extension number)”

“Count the number of pages in this set of printouts. (cos I think you are sitting idle)”

“Do this (meaningless) data entry work (that I’m too lazy to do).”

You’ll be hearing a lot of these and more. I’ve seen enough “I’m an Engineer now” egos stop the said person from undertaking these tasks. And I get their point. Fresh out of a reputed college with a B.Tech degree, you are thinking of being the next big thing in the field, working with the brightest minds on the latest technology. But, you have to understand that before assigning you to such work, those higher up in the hierarchy should be confident of your abilities to do the same. The seriousness and accuracy in the way you react to menial tasks will be used to extrapolate your performance in more serious matters.

So, please, for your own good, don’t say that “I’m too good to be doing this.”- at least the first few times.

2. …that you are better off not showing a genuine enthusiasm to the trivial or menial works?

If you follow my advice from above, blindly and indefinitely, you’ll sure enough be arriving at this one by yourself. From experience, I can tell you that any form of enthusiasm in doing the “other” work is considered as being selected as the default candidate to that work – forever. So, when you say a reluctant “Yes” to doing the “other” work, do make sure that you moan about it, so that the person giving you the work will be less inclined to do give you the same latter.

3. …that you should keep your ears open at all times?

This is not so that you can get the latest rumor scoop, even though doing this helps a lot in doing that. ;)

This advice from me is to make sure that you don’t miss the little stuff. I believe that information – of any kind, coming from any source – is valuable. So, keep your ears open and listen at all times, no matter who is talking. Let it be your CEO explaining to you how to run the company. Let it be the office boy telling you how to cure the “paper stuck” disease of printers. It always helps to have a patient ear.

4. …that hard work and dedication may not always be rewarding?

Again, this is another thing you should really be learning through experience, first hand. I’m not saying that showing these two qualities is going to always unfruitful. But remember that you got only 24 hours a day. If experience shows that something is unrewarding, irrespective of your attitude towards it, you are better off employing your hours elsewhere.

5. …that the client is God, even though they act more like Adolf Hitler?

The less I say about this, the better are my prospects of keeping this job. But you get the idea, right. ;)

And with that let me take your leave so that I can join in the banter taking place in the next row.

Oh!! And one more thing. No matter how much you hate coming back here on a Monday morning, at the end of the month, you will always love to hear the virtual ringing of cash falling in your bank account. :D ;)

So, that’s all folks!!!

Have a great weekend!!!

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....and we got 2000 HITS here...
Thank you. Yes, you. I'm talking about you only. You are the reason I churn out my mind into readable bits every weekend. After the untimely death of my football playing days, this blog post has become the reason for me to look forward to the weekend. Your responses and your comments make my work better. A few of you were kind enough to enquire about when the next post is coming - which eggs me on to keep writing. But most of all, just knowing that you read this makes me feel better.

So, thank you my dear friend.
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Identity Crisis

Suppose you are standing in the cafeteria in your office. Now, suppose someone spilled some coffee on you. How you react to this will depend on a multitude of factors:

• How much coffee was spilled;
• whether the person meant to spill it on you deliberately or was it a genuine mistake;
• who is this said person – male or female; friend, acquaintance or stranger; boss, co worker or junior;
• what your prior mood was – excited, dull or angry;
• how that person responds to this situation – is he apologizing, or playing it cool, or just walking away; etc

What happened till now was not in your hands. Well, sort of. If you had stood 1 foot to your right, or if you had come 5 seconds later, or if you were on a fast that day, then this wouldn’t have happened. But those factors are way out of your league to control.

But what happens next is in your hands. You can accept an apology; you can say “It’s all right” and go on with your life; you can show a constipated feeling on your face and snort at the apologies he’s making; you can go all “Gaali Baaz” and start abusing your antagonist’s family; you can lift the coffee machine with you right hand and the guy on the left, and start banging them together till he is drenched in coffee (remember that you are still imagining this scenario and hence anything is possible :P ).

Now let’s do a recap on our glorious history as a country. We have had kings like Buddha, who gave up everything he had – all the riches, all the glories and material festivities – to start living the life of a monk, a saint – living on alms, sleeping on rags and practicing penance. We have also had kings like Ashoka, who utilized everything available to him to expand his empire, till he could see blood no more.

Let’s move on to a more recent example. We have had people fighting the colonists for our freedom (which we now gladly misuse). The father of our nation was an exemplary pacifist, requesting us to show our other cheek if someone slaps us on one. Then there is Shaheed Bhagat Singh, an influential revolutionary, who was, to put it mildly, not entirely opposed to the idea of using force to get things done.

If we look at the effect the two people in the two eras have had on our history – Buddha and Ashoka ultimately led the society to unite and leave in peace (in their own ways), Mahatma Gandhi and Bhagat Singh were heavily instrumental in their own manner to help us gain our independence.

So, if we assume history repeats itself, let me ask you, based on the examples above, where the end result is the same irrespective of the path chosen, how would you like to live your life??

At one end of a spectrum, or at the other end?

Or would you like to be somewhere in between?

I know where I would be.....

5 things I learned this week (Part 12)

Did you know...

1. ... that there is actually something called "Gray's Anatomy"?

This is just in case you've heard of a show on TV called "Grey's Anatomy". I always thought it was a peculiar name for a show, especially since they had no interest in showing the "anatomy" of Grey (who is the female protagonist in the show). I don't know about you, but this is every bit against what you expect from the show on the basis of its title.

But I digress. Gray's Anatomy is the title of a book which was written in 1858, by an Englishman Dr.Gray. This book is considered to be one of the earliest documentation on human anatomy, and is still in print, after nearly 155 years of its first print.

2. ...that Indian doctors successfully removed tumors and performed amputations and other operations, not only over the past few decades, but also during centuries before the birth of Christ?

Indians of the ancient type were something, weren't they?
Apparently, they developed dozens of metal tools, relied on alcohol to dull the patient, and controlled bleeding with hot oil and tar.

But the coolest thing I like about them is giving "zero" to maths, so that, after two millennia, my maths teachers could give them to me. I always wondered how else they would represent the 100s they gave me?? :P

3. ...that the Code of Hammurabi included what were perhaps the first penalties for surgical malpractice?


The Code of Hammurabi was written in the 18th century B.C. It contained the laws governing ancient Babylon. According to this manuscript, doctors who killed a patient when draining an abscess had their hands cut off.

4. ...that there is something called "Perianal Abscess"?

Our trustworthy source, the Wikipedia, defines this state of human condition as having " is an abscess adjacent to the anus". Even though our source defines it in such simple terms, let me assure you, it's anything but so.

5. ...that the above mentioned disease is what happened to me this week, giving this week's blog this medical theme?

Nothing more to say on that.

Now. For this week's blog, I've gone in reverse actually. I'm done with my 5 things for the week. Now, I start on my usually digressive storyline from which I usually reach my topic for the week's blog.

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You are never going to think about modesty, when you are lying on the operation table with your buttocks exposed to one and all who might cast you a glance. The development of an infection in your nether regions is the worst kind of condition to be in, as you can’t possibly discuss its presence unless the issue becomes unbearable. And since I waited that long, I ended up with a bulbous growth on my butt. I think GOD heard my prayer to make my butt bigger, but used the wrong spell to affect it.

Anyways, coming back to the exposed situation I found myself in, I had just had one dose of glucose injected into me, some blood taken out to do a blood routine test, some antibiotic injected directly under my skin to test my allergies; well, you get the flow. It was at the end of these that the doctors decided that it was time to end my ordeal of four days by a minor operation over “there”, under full anesthesia.

But when I saw the doc coming towards me with some 5-7 syringes in his hand, I immediately felt like I was losing my grip on consciousness. Luckily, the first of those was the anesthesia. I thought I would go blank the way they showed it in the movies. You know, the “fade to black” effect. But what I felt was entirely different. He injected it into me, I looked ahead, saw some equipment before me, it faded a little, I thought “this is it”, and then it cloned into two, and ran off in the opposite direction.

And just like that, for the first time in nearly 25 years on this lovely planet, I lost my hold on my consciousness. I was flying HIGH.

And to be honest about it, I liked it. I’ve never smoked; I’ve never allowed myself to come under the effect of alcohol or drugs, but these 15 minutes of Medical practitioner prescribed ecstasy gave me a peak through the door that lead into those paths – of what makes people get addicted to these intoxicating lifestyles.

Even though I was completely knocked out for under 15 minutes, it felt like hours to me. I dreamt of stuff I’ve no inkling about now. But I remember most of what happened once I got my grip back on myself.

a. I clearly remember asking my friend to shoot this “coming down from the sky” phase of mine; so that I can study it later (he didn’t do that).

b. I also remember asking someone the time, only to not understand what he said in reply (I think he replied in Hindi).

c. I remember recording whatever I was thinking out loud into my phone, but due to my incoherent speech and the rumblings of some fan, the playback sounds more like static than the philosophical outpourings it was meant to be.

d. I clearly remember (and acutely felt) my hand slapping my face, every time I tried to swat away that dogged fly which was trying to irritate me.

e. I remember deciding to make this week’s blog about the medical condition I found myself in (Perianal Abscess).

This condition can occur to anyone, but hasn’t occurred to anyone I know till last week. But it’s a really painful situation to be in, and I felt you should be aware of it. I ignored it for two days, thinking it was some kind of summer boil, but it kept on growing, literally becoming a “pain in the ass”. I went to the doc only after it started hindering my daily activities. I couldn’t shift my posture with wincing in pain.

I’m not going to explain the location/type of the growth, as it will become too explicit, but do go through that Wikipedia page, and get some info on it. One thing that I prayed to GOD in my condition was that this shouldn’t happen even to my enemies. It was that bad a condition, and hopefully, you’ll not have to go through that.

Before I end, I would like to say a few more words about the uninhibited freedom I enjoyed in my unconsciousness. In those fleeting moments, I forgot everything - the pain, my present situation, where I was, my other joys and sorrows - my entire life, if you would allow me to say so. Even though it was quite an enjoyable state, keeping in tune with what friends of mine had already told me, I feel taking drugs is risky business.

Forget the legal problems, being aloof from the world you are in is never going to help you. People who take drugs say it is safer, less of a nuisance maker than alcohol and not harmful to the body. But it hurts your mind, and I think that is a far worse situation to be in.

Well, that's all from me for this week folks!!

Have a Great Weekend!!!

5 things I learned this week (Part 11)

If you scroll down from the beginning of history, you’ll see it being divided into various ages according to the 'in' thing of that period.

The Bronze Age was upgraded to Iron Age once man chose the better metal. His fears and superstitions were exploited in the Dark ages, which were stopped by the Renaissance movement. This heralded the Industrial revolution, which saw an exponential rise in human greed, resulting in the devastating world wars. This was followed by the race between two giants in the space age, and then the subsequent cold war. The progress of humanity was accelerated over the ensuing decades by technological advancements, which inspires us to refer to that period as the Information age.

A general consensus is yet to be reached whether that age is still continuing or not. A lot of ideas are being bounced about these days, and here I’m going to throw in my own.

This is age of social networking.

You want to have a “conversation” with your friend, there’s gtalk.

You want to “share” with your friends what you are feeling now or something funny, there’s Facebook.

You want to “shout out” to the world your ideas, there’s Twitter.

Hell. There’s LinkedIn just in case you want a new job.

We have a detailed pathway through which we share information among ourselves these days. If you don’t have an internet enabled Smartphone, you are deemed unfit for progressing in this society. I’m not going to go into a rant about this, because my opinions on this matter are not sorted out to one side till now. I believe you should be given the freedom to enjoy the luxuries that are offered to you, if you can afford it. But no matter what the case may be, you should keep in mind that this is just a luxury, and you can live without it.

Let me start out on today’s blog. It’s about Facebook. Please refrain from reminding me that this is not technically “5 things I learned” this week, because I’ll feel more guilty for writing this. I’ve lost many a blog posts in this series just because I couldn’t find 5 interesting/relevant things to go with it. I don’t want this blog to enroll in that list, and so I present to you the “5 things I made up/learned/noticed this week”.

Did you know..

1. …that you may be having the most bizarre of acquaintances as your friend in Facebook?

In my case, this would be the bus conductor who used to be in my college bus. We had only known ourselves to each other by casual, “acquaintancial” smiles. You know the ones where you suddenly get your face to bloom into a picture of happiness, only for it to fade away in a second, as soon as that person is past you. The least I can say about all this is that Facebook has changed the way you define the word “friend”.

2. …that Facebook understands the pain you are going through to stalk “that” gal??

That is the reason behind this new tool developed by the tech team at FB HQ, which is basically a room full of nerds. 'The Graph Search', or as it is fondly known 'The Stalker', helps you to find people in facebook who, I believe, never thought they would be found. You can now search for people in FB by giving conditions like male/female, single/double, lives in delhi/mumbai, is/is not my friend, etc etc.. I don't think I will now have to mix it up and spoon feed you as to how stalkers can find you using this. The only positive, if any, is that this is not available to every Tom, Dick and Harry out there. There is a waiting list. But sometimes, I don't know how, you get lucky, and you bypass that waiting list to full on stalking glory.

3. …that you need to be aware that your family and seniors at work can see what you post publicly?

This is from a very bad experience, in which I shared something publicly on Facebook, without remembering that I've my father, my brother, my cousin sisters, a few aunts/uncles, my teachers from school/college, my seniors,etc at work as my friends there. Needless to say, I now have a custom list to share to now. And I believe it's time you made one too, in case you haven't already.

4. …that you’ll have at least one friend, to whom you will be having the best conversations on chat, but the moment you two are put face-to-face, it becomes awkward?

You might have only one friend like this, but for me, well, let me just say that I’ve lost count. If you see me chatting with someone from this category, the world will forgive you for mistakenly identifying me as the superhero “Flash”. But put me in a room face to face with that same person, and you can easily hear Casanova banging his head on his coffin. (-_-)

5. …that Facebook is one of the most unproductive, time wasting, energy consuming, addictive, engrossing, lively, interactive fun (where am I going with this) thing around?

There. I’ve said all those adjectives for Facebook and that makes my point clear. Like in the movie ‘How to train a dragon”, Facebook can be a dragon, which we could have as a pet. Or Facebook can be a pet, which could become a dragon. I know you didn't get what I meant there, but don't worry, most people don't. :D

Again, Facebook should be treated by one and all as a luxury. Something you can have, but not something you should have. To quote myself, (I’ve always wanted to do that :D )

“I believe you should be given the freedom to enjoy the luxuries that are offered to you, if you can afford it. But no matter what the case may be, you should keep in mind that this is just a luxury, and you can live without it.”

Before the customary goodbye, let’s just go back to the beginning of this discussion. We were talking about the different ages that mankind has been through, before settling into this age of information. And in a month’s time, India will say goodbye to one of the oldest method of information transfer (read communication) – the Telegraph. By July 15^th, the dots and dashes will be no more.

Read more at:

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/dot-dash-full-stop-telegram-service-ends-july-15/article4806921.ece?homepage=true

Well, that’s all for this week folks.

Have a great week ahead!!!

5 things I learned this week (Part 10)

Three years to this day, on a sunny Monday afternoon, I bid goodbye to my college life officially. The last hurdle that I had to pass was called the “Course Viva”, in which I had to prove to a complete stranger that whatever I had mugged up over the course of four years is still somewhere inside of me. Thanks to the lord almighty, I scrapped through the ordeal without too much questioning of my credentials as an electrical engineer.

Such experiences are one too many these days. Those of us, who were lucky enough to have had a chance to attend campus placements, have also had the curse of goof ups at interviews to content with. I’ve had my fair share of them. My first interview in my life was epic in many terms.

It was the first company on campus. A respectable IT MNC. Everyone in our 2010 batch from all departments sat for it. We had gone through 4-5 levels of elimination on the first day. A two hour aptitude test, then multiple group discussions, and in the end, those who were left standing where told to make a computer program to solve the Conway’s way of life in a matrix form. (It’s an interesting puzzle. Read about that here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conway's_Game_of_Life)

I am not humble enough to say that I just got through, nor am I an egomaniac to say that I aced it, but yes, I was asked to be one of the 10 odd people to attend the interview the next morning. I had started working on my resume a month back, so I was able to go into the interview with two full pages of “achievements” and “recognitions”.

But the interview was anything but smooth. I wasn’t able to answer any question properly. He was asking some advanced technical questions related to database creation and query retrieval. And being just a little better than a novice in that, I wasn’t able to answer properly. Then, I heard that grunt. You know the one who hear the interviewers make when they’ve had enough of you. That grunt.

With that, he picked up my resume, went through it, then made a remark which still rings in ear.

“Oh!! You are from the electrical stream, are you?? I thought you were a computer science student.”

I don’t have words to express my feeling at that moment. Even if I had the words, I don’t think that I can make you understand the pain and anger I felt at that moment. I’ve never hated a moment in my life as much as that till now.

Anyways, the whole saga was brought to your notice for one thing. The summer has ended. Most have got their yearly increments. Most are unhappy with it. Now, the time for jumping ships is upon us.

And in that respect, I am going to theme this week’s blog on interviews – what to say, what not to say, and what to do if you say what you shouldn’t have said. :D

Did you know…

1. …that there is more chance of you being asked “Tell me about yourself” than not?

And it pays to keep a premeditated answer for that - something fancy if possible. If you can make a first impression on your interviewers that you are strong and confident, it’ll hold you in good stead over the course of the rest of the interview. For more information on what to say and what not to say as your answer, refer: http://www.theladders.com/career-advice/10-good-ways-to-tell-me-about-yourself

2. …that looking your best is not an option, but a necessity?

Imagine the me of today going for an interview. I haven’t shaved in two weeks; wearing an oddly bright shirt with arms folded up; a fading jeans; shoes which have been enjoying its time out in the dirt and dust. It would take two seconds for the interviewer to know I’m not that interested in the job. So, keep a clean profile for this day at least. And yes, if you see someone clean shaven in the middle of the week, it means that he has been to an interview the day before.

3. …that anything you say in your resume can and will be used against you in a court of interview?

I learnt this the hard way. It is a whole other interview story, but the gist of it is that I filled my resume with stuff I just looked into, not worked actually. And to say that I was technically raped by the interviewer would be an understatement. So, please my dear friends, your resume should hold only those things which you can substantiate convincingly.

4. …that you have to say the right things, even if it is not the truth or if it goes against what you believe in?

Interviewer: “How do you study during a semester?”

Candidate: “Because of the fests and other extracurricular activities I  participate in, I mostly study the week before the exam.”

This candidate was kept in the “Waiting List” after this incident. He was given one more chance to redeem himself.

Interviewer: “How do you study during a semester?”

Candidate: “I have prepared a time table for what to study on each day and follow it religiously.”

Interviewer: “You said you do a lot of extracurricular activities. How do you keep your schedule when you have other work to do?”

Candidate: “I improvise. I shift my time table around and so that I effectively do the same work every week.”

This is a true story. This is how I got my first job offer. I usually am a very honest, open person, but I lied my ass off to make sure that I got a job in the recession years. I don’t think I need to explain my point any further.

P.S. Luckily, I got the job offer from GS soon after, and hence didn’t have to join up at this said company.

5. …that no matter how hard you prepare, irrespective of how correct you answer, there is always a chance that the interview can go wrong?

Take my case for an example. If you want more, think of all the government jobs/seats in colleges that you will miss out on because of reservation, corruption, gender bias and what not. What you can do is send a prayer in the general direction of whomsoever you believe as your God, and hope that you get what you are looking for. I’m not saying that this is all you can do, or that this will work, but it is just the least you can do to unburden yourself.

Well, that’s all for this week folks. Catch you next week.

Have a great weekend!!!