A random post

It's never too late to do something, that you had stopped doing long before, again.. That nostalgic feeling you get - when you ride a bicycle again; when you visit your ancestral home; when you hear your favourite lullaby; it's all the same..

That's what I'm feeling right now.. I'm writing this blog by typing it out on my mobile - the way I started writing my blogs some 5 years ago..

I had my trusty Nokia 6233 with me then.. I still have the worn out mobile with me, reminding me of the fonder memories of the yore.. Then I used to write such inspired nonsense (these days it's just nonsense) that I wonder how I even thought of writing those stuff..

Anyways, I'm deviating from my original train of thoughts.. What I actually wanted to tell you people is that sometimes it just feels right to do something old..

It gives you these exhilarating moments  which you would learn to value as much as those earlier ones..

I wrote this post over three days.. Starting on wednesday, while I was in a cab coming back from office; then yesterday, ay office, when I smudged and nudged this post into shape; and now, at MGF Metropolitan Mall, after watching "The Croods", when I'm giving the finishing touches.. This mall is refereed to by Alok, Anupam and myself as "Tharavadu", meaning ancestral home.. And it was such to us in our first year here.. The place we came for every holiday, a place where we knew which would make us happy..

As I sit here on this bench, thinking of a way to properly end this blog, I hear on the speakers here a song playing.. "Stereo love". The same song they played here when I first came here.. And for the whole of the first year... Needless to say, I'm getting that feeling again..

P.S. I wrote this on my mobile.. So spell check and grammar is out of the question.. So, please bear with me..
Also, the "5 thing I learned this week" blog is coming up as soon as I get home..

5 things I learned this week (Part 2)

There are some dreams you wish you never have to wake up from. I just had one of those.

I was in my room in my flat in Gurgaon, and everything was the same, except for two new doors. When I opened one door, I found myself coming out of my room in my home in Trivandrum. I was confused so I went back in and tried the other door. This time I found myself on the pitch in the Emirates Stadium (for those of you who are non-football freaks, that is the home ground of Arsenal FC). Anyways, I was so confused that I decided to wake up, and I find myself in my room  with just the one stupid door, which leads me back to this stupid world.

Anyways, I've deviated so much from the topic at hand that I guess most of you have already gone down and read the points I'm gonna say now. But for those of you who are intent on sticking with me, and have read through till here, let me personally welcome you to the five things I learned this week.

Did you know...

1. ...that there is a difference between unbalanced and imbalanced?

UNBALANCE means to unsteady something so that you try to make it fall.
IMBALANCE means a lack of proportion between two similar things.

2. ...that Eurofighter is a military aircraft that flies unstable?

Yup, you read that right. This brainchild of a party of European superpowers flies unstable at sub-sonic speed. So much so that it requires AI to control itself. Human reaction speeds can't control it. The reasons those geniuses made this seemingly idiotic feature is so that the flight can respond to change in trajectory quickly. Since it is already twisting and turning in all possible directions, it becomes easier to turn it in a different direction. This gives the flight a unique advantage in close combat.

You could say that the inherent IMBALANCE in the flight UNBALANCES it. (You see what I did there..;) )

But I can't help but wonder whether this was a EUREKA moment from one of the scientists..:D

3. ...that if you do overtime, your expenses also increases?

This is because you spend on things you normally wouldn't, thinking you are earning more. Simple logic really.

4. .. that my roomie thinks mosquitos follows lights?

I don't know where he got the idea from, but he believes this theory to such an extent that he keeps the light in the hall burning the whole night.

But don't take the guy to be a dumbo just cos of this. He has got a job offer to work with Mangalore Refinery today. He has more to him than he lets us know. Congratulations and Best wishes to him from my readers and myself.


5. .. that I can't seem to finish off two blogs that I'm writing right now??

**************************************************************

Now, if you could be burdened so much as to remember that I had skipped the last point last week, I would like to inform you that I have it now, and that I'm pleased to share it with you.

5 (of last week). ...that you can click the "Follow the Blog" button, available somewhere on this page, and you'll get updates directly to your feeder reader or something. I don't know how that works even after clicking the button myself - that's why you see me following this blog :D. But I think you can work it out.

That's all for today..

Have a Happy weekend folks!!!

5 things I learned this week (Part 1)

I’ve tried daily blogs. And I’ve been more successful in that than I expected. But like most of my other ventures, it became spasmodic and ultimately fell at the hands of its maker. Its’ corpse is preserved – mummified - in this online pyramid that we call the internet.

Anyways, so much for that. “Let bygones be bygones” goes one of my favorite sayings.

This is a new venture. And I would like it to be successful like my recent ventures. As the blog title suggests, I’ll be making a weekly note of 5 new things that I learnt during the week that was.

So, let’s begin this week’s countdown (or countup).

Did you know…

1. that there is a difference between Learned and Learnt?

While researching (read “googling”) the title for this very blog, I was stumped as to which of the above two words I should use. After further research, it turns out that LEARNED (having knowledge) is more of an adjective – used to describe a person.  And LEARNT (gained knowledge) is, well, the past tense of learn.

2. that the distance between the two axles of wheels on a bus is to be a maximum of 6 meters?

True story. ;)

3.  that it is possible for Gabbar Singh and Phoolan Devi to have a relationship?

Gabbar Singh (fictional character from the legendary movie “Sholay”) and Phoolan (real life character from our crappy life) are well known protagonists of their own evil, wicked stories. Both are similar in most aspects of their life, are egoistic and would take any step necessary to win their own battle. This led me to think that they can’t be a couple (without having a counselor telling them to calm down every 5 minutes). Well, apparently, they can be a couple. And I’m happy for them. 

That was a personal rant, and if you didn’t understand it, please be pleased to know that the people it was meant for, understood it.

4.  that the use of reflective tiles on the floor of adjacent bathroom stalls (with stall’s walls hovering one feet above the ground as they do in the so called "modern lavatories ) shall lead to uncomfortable scenes when you trying to go?

5. that, for the present future, I don’t have a fifth point to tell you? :P

Have a great weekend!!!

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Day 3, Time 13.00

Debilitating Depression. That’s what Google says I’m going through right now. Literally, it means being depressed to such an extent that you make yourself weak and vulnerable to further depression, which as you would have guessed, puts me again at the starting point of this vicious cycle.

I’ve read that the third day is the hardest. The day when you realize that you’ve siphoned off the last of your adrenaline juice. Oh my sweet, sweet adrenalin!!! My great warrior!! You’ve fought the battle valiantly for me. But now, I know it is just me against the monster. It taunts me into going back to my old ways, constantly reminding me of the sweet memories I’ve had in the past.

To try not to think about those memories, I tried to read articles about quitting addictions. Here are a few excerpts that caught my eye.

“…Expectations are higher than ever before. Yet the one thing you depended on to cope with stress -- the addictive behavior -- is now off limits. This is why it is so important to have other ways of coping firmly established, ideally before quitting…”

Well, that’s just great. I should have read about things like this before I stopped doing something which was second nature to me. Now, I’m here – all alone, helpless and vulnerable – and I have to try to force me away from my addiction without a specific plan.

“…Ambivalence, the mixed feelings of both wanting to continue with the addictive behavior and wanting to quit, is part of the addictive process…. Often, this is felt in terms of "right" and "wrong," a moral dilemma….”

And this moral dilemma is further compounded by the following argument…

 "I would rather live a shorter life and be happy than quit and be miserable."

Well, that sentence draws a very thin line between right and wrong, and I’m not going to try and push you onto any one side of it. All I say is that you should think for yourself, keeping in mind that it is your life and your decisions, and make a choice.

I’ve read somewhere that all choices in life can be divided into two – the Good and the Pleasant. In this case, the “shorter, happy” life would be Pleasant one, and the “quitting, miserable” life would be the good one. I chose pleasant before. I’m choosing good now.

Upon further reading, I’ve come across the various effects that can arise due to withdrawals from addictions namely - Anhedonia, paranoia, psychosis, anxiety, agitation, suicidal thoughts, and vivid, lucid nightmares etc etc.

Well, I should have expected nightmares since I’m dealing with this monster.

Day 2, Time 19.45

Not much to report from today as it was a holiday at the office, due to the festival of Holi. I would have been halfway on the highway to madness by now, if it weren’t for my juniors. Playing holi, a game of football, a game of cards, 10 hours of sleep and some friendly face-to-face banter helped me keep myself away from the monster. Even though I was enjoying myself, I was constantly reminded of its presence, which was like an unknown shadow following me, waiting for a lapse in my concentration, so that it can make me fall prey to it again.

Luckily for me, I live to see another day in this new path I’ve chosen for myself. I just hope tomorrow will be easy like today.

Day 1, Time 23.15

Office got over slow. I didn’t want it to be so slow, but it was. I still haven’t found that key which controls time yet. Maybe I could have used the years I had in between the minutes I had to pass at the office to find that key. That would be a task worthy of me right now, especially because I don’t know how to pass my time since I quit my addiction.

It wasn’t that tough to rein in my thoughts of going back. I kept hallucinating that there is this huge iron hand holding me by my hair as I try to run back to my dear old friend. That mirage of having an iron fist holding me back did nothing to actually hold me back. The real reason for that was the “new year resolution” syndrome.

You would know how that works. The guilt of going back to do something you decided not to do is really strong on the day after you make that decision. This is normally associated with the way people behave with regards to their New Year resolution - hence the name.

Day 0, Time 20.06

I think I’ve reached the watershed moment in my addiction. Either I quit, or continue living this lie of a life. I don’t know how I’ll be able to live without this, how I’ll plough through these unforgiving times I’ve planned for myself, but I know that I’ll be strong enough to face them. This small effort I’m going to make tonight might be lost into the obscurity as another one of my attempts to quit, or become the single-most influential step I’ve taken till now.

With a prayer to the one watching over me from above to make this not another false-start, I checked the box written “Deactivate” and clicked on the “Save changes” button.  With that, my dear friends, I’ve quit Facebook.

P.S. To make the transition complete, I’ve signed out of chat on Gmail, quit twitter and stopped the internet service on my mobile. From now on, no chats, no pings, no pokes, no whatsapping. If you want to talk to me, meet/call/text me. I’ll do likewise if I want to interact with you. And this blog shall remain the only online portal through which I’ll continue to spew my madness. And you are welcome to not read it, if you find it not to your taste. On the other hand, if you welcome my tirades on life, please feel free to come back another time to check if I’ve something fresh for you to read. Thank you.

POST-SCRIPT

Day 7, Time 20.06

It’s all NOT going fine, but it could have been worse. It’s been seven days and I still am to go back to my old ways. I’ve started reading again, I’m writing again, I’m calling up my friends again, I’m going out (anywhere), I’m thinking of ways to spend my time productively, which includes dusting off the cobwebs on my director’s hat, which I had left untouched since 2010.

It is for exactly these little things that I committed this virtual social suicide for.

"It's not you, it's me."

The cultural shock a conventional South Indian boy receives, when he makes the journey up north in India is something which has to be experienced to be believed. In my case, it was, for the want of a better word, exhausting. Exhausting in the sense that the journey of past three years has made me change the rules and regulations I had cultivated in myself over the 21 years before that.

I've begun to accept the erstwhile unacceptable.

• the temperature outside can be 4 degrees or 49 degrees. Deal with it.
• drinking alcohol isn't a crime.
• drinking alcohol every weekend isn't a crime.
• drinking alcohol during the week, just cos the weekend is still far away isn't a crime.
• you can have a masala dosa for 20 rupees from the roadside, or walk a 100m and have it for 200 inside the mall.
• waking up before 12pm on weekends is a crime, unless you want to catch the "cheaper by 50 bucks" show of that movie you want to watch.
• traffic signals are meant to be more of a guideline than rule.
• a monkey can come inside your apartment, eat the flour, open the fridge, drink some cold water and leave. (I've video proof for this)
• women drivers are allowed to drive on any side of the road, at any speed as they feel.
• If you are unlucky enough, the Rs.150 Tommy Hilfiger tshirt you brought from Karol Bagh, can become so famous that Pallika bazaar starts mass producing the same design in Lee Cooper.
• it's okay for girls to show skin - legs, knees, cleavages and all.
• it's actually practical to wear skin tight clothes in the summer.
• it's only natural to look at the said skin and/or skin tight bodices.

I've say to that the things I have said above is not unheard of in the south, but from where I come from, from the kind of values my family has tried to cultivate in me, alcohol, breaking of rules and provocative dressing is a big no-no. (Luckily, I haven't been given any guideline on what to do about the last point.) What I'm basically saying is that someone else coming from the south might be at ease with all of these, but I've been schooled in a different me.

Again, the underlying concept that I wanted to convey to you can be presented in the clichéd break up line "It's not you, it's me." 

I think that if instead of the national capital and the millennium city, if I had been designated to a more Indian-ized town/city, then I wouldn't have this much of a shock. But well, the shock has come and gone, and I'm still here.

I would like to believe that I've matured over the past 3 years. The friends, the situations and the public has changed me, hopefully for the better. If you don't believe me, let me give you some instances.

Once in college, one of my friends asked me to lend him my bike so that he can go and buy some "stuff" for the party he was hosting that night. I said "No, nothing of that sort is gonna come near my bike." And in the last 3 years, I've been the chauffeur for many a drunk/high individual.

Before, I would switch off my bike's engine at a red light. Now, when I'm running late for office, I have to think twice about whether to cut the light or not.

Again, in college, I noticed that some guys were passing lewd remarks about a classmate cos of the dress she was wearing. I gave her a mouthful of advice at the first chance I got (no effect from the advice though). In the past 3 years here, I've accepted that lewd remarks and provocative dressing are something that's part of life.

The experiences at workplace has been sobering. Hard work and commitment is not the path to success it seems. May be it is, but there seems to a lot of short-cuts to reach success and I'm not familiar with any.

As you can see, the naive, young, almost-stupid-enough-to-believe-anything boy, who came to Gurgaon on 29th June, 2010 is not the guy currently spamming your brain. He was the innocent and dependable guy you would see in the movies. Now, he is confused about what he is. I think I'm somewhere between the comical sidekick and the dark alter-ego.

I would like to believe that the innocent guy is still in their somewhere, but I'm not so sure anymore....

P.S. I would like dedicate this insane rant of mine to Mr. Mahavir Singh Rawat. He pinged me in the morning at office asking why I hadn't blogged in the past 6 months. The words of encouragement from him is what made me sit here and write this rant out. So now you know whom to beat up.. ;) :P