one call

** Warning: This story has a sad ending. So, if you are a weakheart like me, I would request you to not proceed further. It has taken me two weeks of preparation to just right this **

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“So, you phone can make outgoing calls.” She said as she answered the phone, after what seemed to an eternity of ringing. But I was cautious as not to impose my urgency as I started chatting with her.

“Well, you are the one who always asks me to do something different.”

“Oh. So, is this call because you have finally decided to heed my words??”

“Let’s not get into that.”

“You never want to listen to what I want to say. Well, leave it then. So, why did you call? There must be some reason.”

“Nope, nothing. I just felt like talking to you, and ask about how things are over there.””

“It’s the same as it was when I called you this morning. Everyone’s good.”

“Well, that’s great. I hope it continues to be same.”

“Why the sudden urge to ask such questions and make such philosophical comments?”

“Nothing at all. It was just conversation filler.”

“Hmmm.”

“Well, I got some work to do. Talk to you later.”

“Ok bye. Don’t work too much. Take care of your health.”

Stifling an ironic smile, I replied “Always. Love ya. Bye.”

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After cutting the call, I laid down on my bed. The same bed, where it happened a few minutes before. I had thought that wasting a Saturday at home would be the better option, instead of going to the mall with friends, while my roomies went for their weekly Saturday overtime. But it all went wrong when I felt a bite on my ankle and a sharp pain searing up through my legs.

As we hadn’t had time to buy cots since moving into this flat some 5 months before, we have our mattresses on the floor. And somehow or the other, a snake had found its way into my room, and it bit me as I lay there enjoying a movie.

My knee jerk action was enough for it to slither away into the hole from which it came, but it had done its damage. I called the security of my flat, and asked him to send help, someone to carry me away.

I didn’t know what to do, after I made that call. I was thinking of why the snake bit me, how it got in, and how the hell a snake was able to make its way up to the 9th floor of this building. But it all seemed trivial now. I just accepted the fact that I might be on the verge of death, and if I had to do something, what would it be.

Her face was the only thing that came to me. That’s why I made that last call. And now as I lay there, I decided to send a message to her as well.

I can now hear the security outside my house. Oh Shit!! I had left it locked. How will he be able to get in? I can’t get up in this condition. I just can’t feel my legs. And I’m feeling drowsy.

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And as the thuds and kicks on the door grew louder, Arjun looked up. All he was able to see was the blurred vision of the family enjoying a picnic on the laptop screen. As he slowly drifted into unconsciousness, he thought to himself, “I wonder if they will live happily ever after. I hope they will”

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Beep. Beep.

Some 2000 miles away, Kavita picked up her phone. She read the message, and called out to her husband.

“Hear what your engineer son has to say. ‘I love you Mom and Dad. You have always done the best for me. And tell, Karan to study and to be able enough to support you people.’ First a call, and now this. Something is definitely wrong with that boy today.”

The Ultimate Peer Praise

Ever since the days of watching "FRIENDS", I have always wondered about how it would be if the Ross-Monica-Chandler situation happened in some friendship circle around me.. Let me make this clear to those poor souls, who might not have been exposed to the sheer brilliance of, non-arguably, the greatest act by man ever..

Ross and Chandler have been best buddies since their college days.. And, as I see it now, they were part of a lucky few best friends, who got jobs in the same city, and gotta hang out with each other like in college, after college..

And Monica is Ross's sister, who happens to live in the apartment opposite to Chandler.. And these three, along with their other three phenomenal friends, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey, hang out at Monica's all the time..

Now, you people would have seen enough movies to understand what must have happened..

Well, into the fifth or sixth season, Monica and Chandler fall in love with each other.. They keep it as a secret from Ross for most of that season.. But once Ross finds out, all hells breaks loose.. Well, that's expected..

A brother, no matter how lenient or impressed, would not allow his best friend to be in a relationship with his sister.. Its basic human psychology.. Such a triangle always has a risk of making all the three relationship fail.. If you want proof, there is an episode when these three start sharing secrets of the others.. And if they hadn't stopped in time, everything could have got ruined..

Anyways, you might be wondering, why the hell I'm talking about all this.. That's cos I heard from one reliable source the following conversation, which was said to have happened with, between a friend of his and that friend's friend..

(After the usual, who is the one with the worst record with gals in the battle of the higher despness fight..)

A : You have known me for almost an year.. Can you tell me one thing?? Knowing me, will you let your daughter go out with me??

B : To tell the truth.. If I could, I would have allowed you to marry my sister..

A (stupefied) : huh??

B : Of all the recent contacts that I've made, I think you are the only one, who doesn't drink, smoke or have any other socially unacceptable habits.. You are a good guy at heart, and if you weren't of an another religion, I would have asked you to marry my sister..

A (still more stupefied, and partially blushing): Err... Thanks..

That is not the way a normal conversation would have progressed in, but due to the spur of the moment and/or the people involved, what came out was a gem of a praise to A..

The Ultimate Peer Praise.. That I'll let you marry my sister..

Bad day

Coming to write something after a derby game, and a derby game we lost, you would expect me to mourn the decline of Arsenal.. But I guess enough has already been said and written about it.. I'm going to talk about music for a change..


From October last year to this September, I had come to take music as more of a pass time than a passion.. Well the difference is that no matter which song is on, my reaction would be the same.. Let it be the crappy songs or the awesome ones, I deemed it fit only to be some random background noise.. But it all changed once I got back from home..


To explain how it changed, I need to tell you about my on-off relationship with music.. I liked hearing music, like any other person, as I grew up.. But it started making a difference only when I reached 8th standard.. My grandmother, unfortunately, let it slip that my Father used to hear music while studying.. And being a son who wanted to be a xerox copy of his dad, from mannerisms to hobbies, I was quick to install the family stereo player at my study table (ya, it was in those days when you had to press play, stop, rewind and play to put a song on repeat)..


Of course, my father was not pleased with this arrangement.. I was not making the best of grades, and he didnt think that it would change with that old stereo player screaming radio and assorted film songs into my ears.. But he couldnt make me stop, because it was his own mother who gave him no foothold in the argument, by leaking to me the fact that his grades went up, when he started doing that..


And it all paid off for me by the time I reached 10th.. Yes, it took two years, but it was a momentous moment for me, when I finally hit a cent percent on a Maths test.. I am taking the liberty of puffing my ego by stating the fact that I have always been good with numbers.. But I never was able to weed out the simple mistakes, which always left me short (mostly, well short) of the full marks..


But that fateful day in 2004, I hit the 9th cloud.. And, my dad was there to celebrate it with me.. And as a special present (it were simpler days then), he got a new stereo cum CD player.. Well, not just for me.. It was for the entire family.. the old player had lived it life to the fullest, with me draining its blood in its old age..


Anyways, it was step forward in music for me.. I now had a varied range to select from - the Vintage Anathapuri FM, my steadily built stereo cassette collection, and the new CD base I was building..


All through this time, the songs I heard made a mark in my heart, either through its music, or its lyrics, or just some random instrument making a weird sound at some point in the song, which captured my attention.. So even though I was supposed to be learning, I would be waiting for that moment in the song which would make me happier than I was a second before..


And now, we fast forward to my 12th standard, when I got my portable CD player.. It meant that I could blast my favorite songs at full volume into my ears as I "studied" - let it be at the dinner table, on my bed or the couch.. It opened up another experience for me.. Of being with music for a larger share of my waking state.. Over the four years I have spoken of, music went from being an hour a day program, to a thing I had to have on whenever I was at home..


An interesting fact about that portable CD player.. One day, when for some reason it stopped working, I decided that hitting it hard 2-3 times with my writing board would make it work.. Needless to say, I had heard my last song from that player a few seconds before I executed that decision.. And that marked the beginning of the series of distasteful ends for various electronics devices, under my supervision..


Anyways, acquiring my music player/mobile camera/mobile phone, the legendary Nokia 6233, kicked off the third phase of my musical double life.. Having my favorite songs at a click of a button.. The ultimate freedom for any music lover.. So started my habit of plugging on my headphones whenever I was on the move.. Between home and college, when on trip with parents (looking back now, that was a lot helpful in ruining the times I could have spent with my family) etc etc..


Anyways, that was when I actually started moving away from the true sense of
enjoying music.. It's been written long before that anything, in excess is a danger.. So is music.. Over the four years of Engineering college life, I lost my weird sense of enjoying music.. Of enjoying the music, the lyrics, the instruments.. But more importantly, of enjoying the mood of the song, as it resonated with my mood..


I had specific songs.. Songs for happy times, songs for friendship, songs for romancing my heartthrob, songs for easing my broken heart, songs for goodbyes, songs for reunions.. But as I moved across 2006 to 2011, these songs lost their meanings, lost their soul for me.. Frankly speaking, my soul lost the ears with which I used to hear those songs..


And things took a turn for the worse, with me acquiring an Apple iPod Nano as part of my first salary blast.. Music became more of a luxury than a hobby.. Songs that touched my heart turned into random vibrations on my ears, that were lost in the background, as thoughts other than music filled my head..


And as I boarded the flight back to Gurgaon this September, I left all those things
behind.. Trying to find ways to make myself happy, by living the life I was living when I was a teenager, I'm going to back to music.. For comfort, for happiness..


I gave my iPod on loan to my brother.. He enjoys music more than me to lose his sense to that monster of a device.. I filled my phone with music, but only to keep me company when I on the go..


At home, I am hearing to, and constantly updating a Youtube playlist, which has all
those songs which made me happy in those years as a novice teen.. I'll publish those songs once I deem it fit to have something for everyone.. Until then, those beautiful songs from the years gone by will caress my ears as I am taken away on a beautiful journey by the music..


And as I told you, this was a bad day for me.. And to go with the mood, I have lined up a few songs on my playlist - "Kanner Poovintae" from Kireedom (Malayalam), "En Kadhalae" from Duet (Tamil), "Bin Tere" from I Hate Love stories (Hindi), and "Fact Fiction" by Mads Langer(English) to lull me to sleep as I forget this day with music..

Notes & Letters

When you say that you are going to write something, but eventually end up working weekends or playing Age of Empires, you think that you can get away with it, because even though you made a promise, it was more to oneself than to the people following your blog. And all promises to oneself, like the countless New Year resolutions, are meant to be broken. Or so I thought.

I was made to come out of this illusion, when one of my two followers here, Mahavir, asked me at office the other day why I was not writing anymore. It must have been one among the umpteenth topics he finds to talk about, or a conversation filler, if not anything else. Anyways, it was enough to get my thought train running.

The oft repeated phrase while commenting on my literary works has been “nice way of telling the story, in simple, easy-to-follow English”. I don’t know if people are talking about a unique skill I have, or are taking a dig at my mediocre vocabulary (though I prefer to believe it’s the former), but I never thought they would want to read more from me. For me, the best work I could make has already happened (refer previous post), just like the best video I will ever make is the only one I made.

But to have a person actually ask why I’m not writing (forget that it might have been just a conversation filler), made me happy to say the least, like any ego-centric guy you can find out there. In the discussion that followed, I tried to blame a fictitious writer’s block, stopping the perennial flow of fiction from me, but in small quantities you see in my status messages.

Well, he played along with me, saying that it was hard to write anything without actually having a mood to write. He compared writing to playing a guitar (something which he does well). He could practice some song or tune all day, and still not come up with anything original, if there isn’t that elusive spark in our mind. On the other hand, if the spark does visit us, there will be no dearth of creative wealth.

With a few more words, he left me to mull over these points. And that’s when it struck me. Writing and playing a guitar are one and the same; with their obvious differences of course. Both are intended to please an audience, while showcasing a specific skill of the person, who does the show. And both need practice and a certain knack to attract people.

It also requires a certain sense on the part of the audience to really enjoy the “performance”. You can’t perform a rock song at a senior home, and expect to get a standing ovation. Likewise, I don’t expect you to understand what I write. I’m a normal 22 year old guy, with a decent job, who doesn’t know where the hell his life is heading. He’s going with the flow, and trying to make the least effort possible to get the maximum kick out of his life. What I write is basically aimed at people falling to a category, same or similar to my own. So, if you are some 25 year old entrepreneur, worth $100 billion bucks, I can assure you that you won’t understand anything here. But if you are a non-descript, aimless guy wandering through life as if it’s a museum, then you will feel like home here.

Guess I digressed too much with the boring details of my weekly self-evaluation. Coming back to the topic at hand, music and writing are like peas in pod. Similar in all respects, but visible only for the people searching for these similarities. When I write something, it’s actually like I’m writing a musical score. But unlike music, the audience doesn’t need to have someone perform for them. They can go to a place where it’s available (like my blog), read and eventually enjoy it.

And to sum up all the crap I have been talking about into four sentences…

Let it be a prose, a rock song, a poem, or an acoustic song; it all means the same thing. A way of communicating between people. And as long as we have Notes & Letters, I will keep writing and he’ll keep playing. Nothing, and I mean nothing can block that. \m/

The Last Wish

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This post was originally posted in “whatitmeanstobehari.blogspot.com”, my previous blog… Half the people who read it at that time couldn’t understand the head or tail of it… And I can’t blame them… I wrote this as an emotionally drained grandson… So I have now decided to edit the original post, and repost it here for it to make some sense to you… Read it through, and tell me about a great talk you have had with your grandparents…

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He used to tell me, actually teach me about all the things in the world… Till the age of ten, the half an hour power cut every day was actually story time for me and my cousin sister … The majestic lives of Akbar and Birbal, the legends of Ram and Krishna, the whole big bang theory, evolution of life, dinosaurs, anything and everything... Such was the variety of things he talked to us about, that I can’t understand for what reason I stopped this tradition of ours… We hadn’t talked like this since I was a little boy… Until…


16.08.09 (whatever I’m saying in this conversation have been given in italics)


"Do you remember your grandmother’s brother??? He was tall... Like you... I think taller than you... Six feet four... or five... Well, no one was there to take care of him in the end, and your grandmother and I decided to that... He was bed ridden, till the very end… He had once asked me to get him a bottle of kallu (Kerala’s very own brand of alcohol)... He said even a half would be enough, but that he just wanted a taste of it, before he died... I asked him how I could get him that, when I have never bought one in my life...”

“He said, “There is a shaap (a place where you get kallu) at the junction... Just go in and tell my name... They'll give you my usual...””

“But I could not bring alcohol inside the house to give to a sick old man... My morals and the fear of what society will say made me reject his request…. A few of his fellow drinking friends used to visit him... I asked him to get the stuff through them…. But even they didn’t get his quota, and he died without getting that last drop he so much yearned for…”

“I have never felt bad for not getting him that last drop till now... But now my conscience is hurting... I feel his pain because I’m in the same stage as he was now... And it would end the same, if someone didn’t get me a beedi (cigarette) or a pakku (pan) before I die…”


“Why are you talking like this?? You are not that old... You'll live long...”


“One doesn’t know how much longer one is going to live at my stage... Getting one last chance of enjoying our favourite thing will be heaven on earth for a person of my age… I denied that chance for him…. I did a terrible thing… It was wrong… I should have bought him that… I could not understand him then…”

“What if someone doesn’t understand me at my end??? I just wish that I don’t have to be bed ridden... I don’t want to make my children suffer... I want to die in one go… You know, the best death is when you die in your sleep... You go to bed like always... You close your eyes... You never wake up… But only lucky people get that... I hope I’m lucky…”

“And what will I get by living a longer life?? I will be causing more trouble for you...”

“Taking care of you is not a trouble... It’s our duty...”

“Yes, it’s your duty… But as I get older, my bodily systems will get weaker... I'll need help... Always… Then, it'll be troublesome for both you and me... And I don’t have much more to see in this world... I would just like to see your sister's marriage and you getting a job... Just one more year will be enough for me... I just hope that I don’t get bed ridden...”

21.08.09
12.20pm

As I waiting for paying my bus fees at college, I get a call from home... It was my mom… “Kannan, come home now… Grandfather is not well... Its urgent…Come here fast...”

Even though my paranoid mind kept playing out the worst case scenarios, I convinced myself through the hour long ride back home that he was fine… Maybe some minor problem to his health… I remembered that he was out in the front yard in the morning, watering the plants, when I left for college…

As I reached home, Mom meets me at the gate... She's not crying now... That’s good, I thought…. But from her face, it seemed like she had just stopped crying... Mom takes my helmet from my hand... And then she starts crying... In the midst, she says, "Appupan poi." (Grandfather’s gone)

He went the way he liked... He fell down unconscious in front of our gate on his way home from the barber's... No broken bones or anything... Just a few scratches... I felt guilty... I could not give him the perfect exit... I must have got him his last beedi, or at least his last pakku... I would feel guilty about it forever... Since I had planned stocking one of each at home, if the need arose... But I didn’t think the end would happen so soon...

Slowly the news of his last few actions came in... He had talked to people standing just near our house... They said he was cheerful and hadn’t shown any pain or exhaustion... The doctor also said that he died because his heart stopped beating... Not a stroke, but his heart just stopped pumping blood... So the end came fast, like he liked...

Then came the message that made me happy in the middle of this tragedy... The local grocery man came to the funeral... He said, "Sir had come to my shop before coming home... We talked for a long time... Just before leaving, he bought a packet of pakku...”


Post-script


Ever since my sister's marriage was fixed, Appupan wanted it to happen no matter what happened to him... He kept saying that even if something happened to him, the marriage must happen... So, keeping in mind his last wish, we went ahead with the marriage...
And now, sitting here, nearly one year after I joined my job, I can say that all his last wishes were satisfied… Including the position in the front yard, where he wanted us to keep his ashes, as is the custom at our place… Even though, they have been removed about a year ago, I always steal glances to that spot, knowing well that he keeps watch over me…

I would like to end this with words taken from a post we received from a colleague of Appupan (grandfather)...

"I pray to Lord Padmanabha that may his noble soul rest in eternal peace"