Five of the best (5 things - Week 89)

A very short post for this week, as a lot of unexpected stuff keeps on happening around me these days, derailing me from my normal routine.

The engagement ceremony went off without any hitch thankfully. I had to readjust my mundu [dhoti] only once, which was like one percent of what I expected. And there were relatives going around clicking pictures like that's why they came to the event. Can't complain though. They have given in their creations before the professionals come back with their art work. For the 5 things for this week, we'll go through five of the best pictures to come in till now.

***

1. The “MAIN” event of the day.

2. The “COMEDY” event of the day.

That's my cousin sister placing a strand of flowers on her, as per the custom. But my cousin was so afraid of ruining her hair that it took way longer than required.

3. The “SMILE” event of the day.

This was the default smile we decided on to give to everyone who came looking for one. Not bad, huh.

4. The “pain-in-the-a**” event of the day.

“Stand over there. Put your hand on her shoulder. Look at each other.” Thank God that we had only one professional photographer for the ceremony.

5. The “What-the-” event of the day.

That's my mother-in-law being genuinely surprised by my dining tactics. I was trying to avoid the camera that was trying to get me eating food.

***

We've all heard of friends giving surprises to the groom and bride on their special day. Let it be putting up big humiliating banners outside the marriage hall, putting itchy powder on the bed for the first night, etc etc. My dear friend, Dileep, went one step further and decided to give such a surprise for our engagement.

He created the following comic strip from a collection of innocent pictures taken at the engagement. Suffice to say, he's not getting invited to the marriage.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Will you marry me??

***

Ek bandha thaa,

Ek bandhi thi,

Ye he unki love story,

And for us, it is the most beautiful piece of history.

***

We met 285 days ago. Our first impression were the polar opposite of what it’s now. After all, “Meh” and “Nerd” aren’t the more pleasing of first thoughts about your life partner. Over six months, our perceptions changed as we slowly fell in love, as fast as we could. And now, in another 30 odd hours, we are going to exchange two pieces of precious metal to officially indicate that we are each other’s for as long as possible. However, it has been months since we decided to be each other’s for forever and more.

The journey of us reaching this point will have to wait though. Today, there is a more pressing story to pursue. I’ve an important question that I have to ask her. I’ve already asked her this question before, and I know the answer to it. And, if you have read the heading for this post, you’ll know what the question is. If the question and the answer are already known, the real question is then with regards to the purpose of asking it again.

The original purpose was that I had made a promise to her that I would write about her the day before our engagement. But as the days caught up with me, I found myself at a loss of words. But slowly, there came into view another purpose for this prose. The purpose of this prose now is to remind her why I asked her that question the first time.

Shall we begin then my dear??

***

1. Total disclosure.

If there was a foundation to build our life on, it couldn’t have gotten better than this. Our deal to enforce total disclosure was not the best of ideas back then. It had its rough moments. To compensate for that, it also had its not so rough moments. But what it gave us was the freedom of speech – the freedom to tell what we love/hate about each other. And it’s what paved the way for us to find out that we love as much as possible about the other, and we hate as less as possible about the other.

2. Can’t say no to each other.

The idea of not being able to say NO to the other works marvels when you are with the right person. If not for the right person, it may leave you feeling vulnerable and exploited. But the idea of saying yes to everything you say, keeping full faith and trust in you, is not something I dread, but actually something I enjoy. And I love the fact that you trust me as much, to say yes all the time.

3. You support me supporting Arsenal.

I always feared about how my future other half would feel about my unhealthy obsession with the football club, Arsenal FC. Just the past fortnight tells the whole story. Two Saturdays ago, you saw me go into grumpy mood after the Man United game that we lost 2-1. Over the past two days, you see me merry as we won three games on the trot. I’m highly susceptible to the fortunes of a team playing 8500km away. To understand and handle this fluctuation, on top of the myriad other factors which affect ones mood, is difficult.

And so, I am as happy as I can be, in knowing that you support me supporting Arsenal.

4. Similarities

Just the past week, you knocked your left knee against something, making it swell up. To mirror that, my body decided to skip more than a couple of steps on the stairs. Now, I’ve a swelling on my left ankle. I know you hate me saying this but, "See, we are sooooooooo similar."

Jokes and painful knocks aside, I think we are way too similar than you would like to admit. For starters, we both had to give up an activity that we love because of an ankle ligament injury we had while performing it. You lost your left ankle to dancing, I lost my right ankle to football.

We both decided to try to make it in core engineering and hence, passed up opportunities in other sectors which would have suited us better. We ended up regretting our decisions and chose a different course.

What I mean to say by all this is that we could understand each other’s viewpoints, and more importantly pains, because of these similarities. And that brought us closer.

5. Accepting me

I always feel like I have different personalities to match different situations. One to fit in with my friends, one to fit in with family, one for work, one for strangers, one for acquaintances. When I felt someone/some group needed me to be something else, I make a new personality to match that. For you though, I didn't have to make a new personality. I tried on a lot of different personalities before deciding that being myself was the best option with you. Because you accept me for what I’m.

***

And for these reasons, and lots more, I love you. But most of the time, I love you for no particular reason at all.

I still haven’t decided whether I should go formal and ask

"Ms.Sreerenjini Menon, will you be interested in accepting a proposal of marriage from me??"

Or, whether I should try the other way.

"Ammu, will you be mine forever??"

I am going to put them both away and just ask

"Will you marry me??"

I know we both can’t wait to start our lives together.

***

I think I have just justified my nerd credentials with this writeup. I don’t care. I am lucky enough to find someone who loves me as much I love her. I have refrained from terming us as soulmates during the discourse, but I would be hugely surprised if this isn’t as close as it gets to being soulmates.

And so, let me take your leave. There’s a lady waiting for me, with a ring. I never intend to disappoint her.  Hopefully, we will have a few snapshots of the function when we meet next week. Until then, bye.

Goof ups (5 things - Week 87)

Yes. We're going to talk about some of the more spectacular goof ups, instigated and carried out to imperfection by yours truly. Let me start off with the latest one then.

I normally am very hesitant to buy shoes online. The main reason being I can never be sure that they look as good as they look in the pictures on the site. We live in an age where, with artificial lighting, clever posturing and unbelievable editing, anything that looks as drab as garbage is made to look like next big thing in fashion.

So, it was nothing short of a monumental decision that I made earlier this week to buy shoes from Amazon.in. I went to their site, went to the men's shoes section and put in the filters - size UK11 or above, preferably Puma [as Puma is now sponsoring Arsenal]. And that's how I chanced upon this predominately black, with red designs and a Ferrari symbol "boat" shoe. No. The goof up isn't with respect to it being a "boat" shoe.

I clicked order and spent close to what you would spend for a dinner buffet for two at a Taj restaurant. It got delivered to me, within two days, yesterday. I came back from work, all excited - I made a mental note that this would be what a teenager feels on Xmas day. You know what is inside the package when you are opening. But that doesn't take away the feeling of genuine happiness as you open it. You can't wait to get your hands on it.

Alas, the shoe was only big enough for me to put my hands into it. In the name of the product, there was a "Puma NM Jr". I thought Jr was just an extension to the naming sequence put out by Puma. And since they didn't say it was for kids anywhere in that page, I assumed my assumption to be correct and brought the shoe.

Fortunately, Amazon was kind enough to accept that it was a mistake from both sides which created this situation. Kids shoe in the men's section, along with myself overlooking the Jr. They have accepted my request for return, and will refund me soon.

I guess, all's well that ends well. But it'll be some time before I return to buy shoes online.

And for today, we'll go through five such goof ups as the "5 things" for this week.

Shall we begin then??

***

1. Amazon shoes

The less said, the better.

2. Hollywood chappals

Four months before, I brought chappals from an established local store, Hollywood. In one month, the sole began coming off. I stuck it back together using Fevi-qwik. Last Sunday, it came off completely while I was in the neighborhood of that store. I went in and expressed my lack of satisfaction in the product that they sold. It was then that they said this *conditions apply thing to me.

"This chappal is not intended for rough use. Stay away from water, and it'll be fine."

If you live in Kerala, you'll know that recently, the rain isn't stopping for more than a few days. To avoid water while walking here is like to avoid potholes while driving. But the shop owner was good enough to hear me out, and offer me merchandise for the money I had spent on the original chappals. I went from home wearing half torn chappals. I came back wearing brand new chappals, one belt and a pair of socks. :D

3. Wolverine Tee

I think I might have mentioned this Tshirt before. The first one I brought without parental guidance. A black Tshirt with three cuts across the chest, showing a red underlying layer of cloth. Wearing it would make it look like you just had Wolverine strike you. I still don't remember why I brought that.

4. My phone

Well, get this into your head. When they offer you 10% off on a phone, check if they are going to release the next generation phone in that series anytime soon. If you can wait that long, that's better. Cause they'll selling it at around the same price then. And yes, I fell for the 10% off.

5. My Engagement shirt

"A little lighter."

"I think the last one was better"

"This one is okay, but I think we should check for more options in regular fit. If nothing good comes up, we'll settle on this one."

"Size 42 is not there. Let's check the other shop."

A pleasant Saturday which I had hoped to spend with my fiancée, turned into a sneak-peak of what my future shopping experience would be like. The shirt we finally picked up for the engagement turned out to be a lighter version of what I originally had brought. To spend an equal amount of money to buy another similar shirt is certainly as close to a recent goof up as I can serve to you.

P.S. The lady choosing the shirt isn't always this crazy. She just wants all the wedding proceedings to be as close to the one she has always imagined.

***

It would close to being criminal if I invite you for my engagement only a day before the event. So, let's get the formalities out of the way. I'm getting engaged to this amazing woman on the first Sunday of next month, 7th December 2014. Even if our relationship can wait for a little longer, she is very much due a post dedicated to her. And that's how it's going to be next week. A little bit of added pressure for me.

P.S. Don't remind her that I wrote a post on having that operation on my ass within a week, and I kept her waiting this long. And NO!!! I'm not giving you a link to that operation post. You are welcome to search and find it out for yourself. :P

P.P.S. Technically, it's still Saturday for another 1200 seconds.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Excel(lent) Hacking (5 things - Week 86)

I think I've mentioned this before. After years of hearing that a good academic record is the foundation on which a career is built, someone who graduates out of a professional college expects to use all those things they have learned over two decades to show their class in the office. Alas, for most of us, it's a different, and most probably, a sad little ending.

We are not allowed to use only the desired high end software and technology. At the end of a day's or project's work, we always end up using the same software that your local DTP shop uses - MS Office. Why?? One word - DOCUMENTATION.

No matter whether you are designing toilets to go on a spacecraft heading for Mars, or just a plain old toilet; at the end of the project, before it's release, you've to sit down and write prose about whatever you had just done. I've worked in two very different fields, and this is the common factor at both places.

I guess it's because documentation is part of the ISO certification processes that most institutions undergo these days. To get certified with the appropriate certification, you are required to maintain the proper documents regarding whatever is the process or transaction that you are performing at your organization.

I once had a junior ask me, what is the difference between us and DTP people?? My reply was that the DTP people just made what was kept in front of them. We are supposed to understand, modify, verify and then create these critical documents. And the other difference is that we have knowledge of all these hacks - these shortcuts. We know how to finish the job by 5pm instead of 9pm.

And it is some hacks of this nature that we are going to discuss for the "5 things" of this week. Shall we begin then??

***

1. Formulas and Macros

Now, I can't teach you each and every function that is provided to us - because there's too many. Nor can I teach you about the macros - because I don't know what the heck that is myself. But if you can master them both, it's said that you can master the tool completely. Let me just guide you onto this site, which provides detailed explanation of all formulas in Excel. The only issue is that you have to figure what to use for your application.

http://www.techonthenet.com/excel/formulas/

2. Ctrl + PgUp/PgDown

Use these to move back and forth among the various sheets in the excel file you have kept open.

3.  Ctrl/Shift + Space

This allows you to select an entire row or column. Use Shift button to select the entire current row. Use Ctrl button to select the entire current column

4. Ctrl + <arrow keys>/<backspace>

Using the arrow keys, will move the cursor to the next word in the document, or next populated cell in the spreadsheet. You could use backspace to delete the previous word too.

5. F4

This is the mother of all hacks. One press of that button lying inconspicuously at the top left corner of your keyboard and Excel is forced to do the last action you did on the current selection. If you had just done some cell formating, Excel does the same on the currently selected cells. If you had inserted a new row, Excel inserts a new row at your current selection.

***

There's one more thing though. If you just search in the net for "Excel hacks", you'll get a lot of sites which shall give you a lot more hacks than the ones I have mentioned over here. But just knowing the hacks doesn't make you an "expert" in Excel. You've to use them properly. And to use them properly, you must be as lazy as only a lazy genius could be.

To borrow an idea from some wise guy, most of the items of daily use intended to reduce human effort are the work of geniuses who were so lazy that they went out and made something to do it for them. Likewise, just knowing these hacks ain't enough. You gotta be truly lazy to use them at the apt places. Hope you can find that inner laziness that is required of you.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

5 things - It's OFFICIAL!!!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Official.

No. Not that. There's still [starts counting on his fingers - realizes that there are more days than fingers on his hands - decides to use all toes on one foot and the pinky toe on the other to come up with the magic number, which is] 16 more days for that.

What I wanted to let you people know is that I've finally decided to give in to the relentless pressure of having to write every Friday night. Like I've mentioned before, I used to have enough time on my hands before. Due to a multitude of reasons - official works, daily travel pains, personal timeouts - I've had to thrown in my metaphorical towel. I'm very sorry.

If you ask me whether I can't churn out 1000 words for our benefit every Friday night like we have done before, I can't deny my ability to do so. But just spewing forth a thousand words is not enough. I had rather have time to toy with the idea I want to present - to know what I want to do with it, how and in what exact words should I let you know about my thoughts on the same, where I want to lead you on to, etc etc.

If I'm going to give you an idea half-baked, I had rather sit on that idea for some time. What I've been doing for the last few weeks is equivalent to someone with constipation does. Sit there long enough while forcing yourself as much as you can - there'll always bound to be some output. What I want to do is sit on it like a hen roosting. I want to nurture it and let it break open from its shell and come out as a live chicken.

[We would to break this broadcast to bring you this SHAMELESS PLUG to the most read post on this page. If you don't know what's the relation between Ormayundo? and chicken, there's only one way to find out - and you know it's just one click away. We'll be back with more Shameless plugs after these messages.]

So, after giving it some serious thoughts, I've decided to shift our weekly blogging routine conversations to Saturday. I'll have one extra day to think through whatever I want to write, and hopefully the output will have more quality to quantity ratio.

Tomorrow's topic - currently - is some hacking methods. Not how to hack into Pakistan University websites to avenge an attack on your favorite actor's website, but since most of us are using computers and smartphones a lot, I thought it would be helpful to share some tricks which I've picked up over the years.

***

So, that's all for today then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til tomorrow.