The Special One

The following was part of a real conversation between a husband and wife.

Husband :

"You know what?? If we were a normal couples, the other person would make the birthday celebrating person feel special on that day. Let's start a new trend. The birthday celebrating person will make the other person feel special."

Wife :

"Okay"

Husband :

"This is a big change. So we'll phase it in. We'll try this for the first half of the year and revert back for the second half."

Wife :

"Okay. But my birthday is in August and and yours is in December - both in the second half. How's this plan going to work then?"

Husband  :

"Who said anything about calendar years woman? I'm a Banker now. Everything's based on financial years."

***

Let me just confirm that this conversation took place between a husband and his very own wife. And even though the wife was cutting vegetables, the husband escaped unscarred - well mostly unscarred.

***

It's things like these that make me realize that we are special - not the royalty kind of special, the mentally challenged kind of special.

I often wonder at our ability to be at the same level of maturity, no matter what is being discussed - what to have for breakfast, or whether we'll love each other the same 50 years from now, or what should be the maximum number of farts a spouse can be exposed to in a day. Remember, I said same level of maturity, not high.

She celebrates her birthday tomorrow. And I've been repeatedly goofing up my plans for the day. All the gifts I could think of buying for her are unavailable, non financable, or inappropriate. Tried to buy a Shuffle for her, the Apple store were out of stock. A vehicular purchase is putting a credit crunch on the acquisition of glittering items. And don't get me started on the inappropriate plans.

So what do I have planned for tonight?? I won't divulge it here for sure. Maybe she will be moved to write something about how - ummm.. for the want of a better word - "happening" her birthday was this time around.

Talking about writing over here, I haven't written anything for the better part of two months now. And it just wasn't the lack of time or content this time. It was the lack of need. When I started blogging continuously two years ago, my friends always remarked that my BLOGGER personality was very different from my real personality. And since I always felt like releasing some sort of pent up feelings on these virtual pages, I knew they were right. I was being who I really was here.

Now, I need not do that. As the lyrics of one of my favorite song goes,

You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see, I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMMUTTI !!!

For BETTER or for WORSE (5 things - Week 110)

As was said unspoken on 21st of March, 2014...

I, Harisankar S A, take you, Sreerenjini Menon, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

***

1.

I guess the reason why people say/think/write something similar during their wedding is for moments like these. She has been down with viral fever since yesterday. And while taking care of her, I have gotten a case of I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-what-I-got. For worse, huh?? She is unsure about me being sick though - at most, she's ready to give it a label of sympathetic, I call it symbiotic.

And so here we are. Us, the bed-ridden couple, watching our significantly important weekend plans get postponed by a combination of disease, and disease combating medical drugs.

The weekend plans were pretty straight forward - grab most of what we can from here and shift ourselves to Kochi - the business capital of Kerala. Yup, that's right - yours truly is shifting his base for the near future to Cochin. The city of Ernakulam is going to be blessed with a consistent footfall of me. 

That's three names for the same city, and I was thinking Thiruvananthapuram and Trivandrum is driving me crazy.

2. 

In case you want a game to get addicted to, I would recommend the 1010!. You can get it downloaded for your android phone here. 

The rules are like tetris, but instead of lego blocks falling down from the sky for you to arrange and pack off, you are given pieces three each every turn to fill out a 10 x 10 area till you can't fix the next piece in there. I hope you didn't understand that, because I sure didn't. But it's addicting I tell you.

3.

Have I told you the story about how I got so tall?? That's because I used to hang for long from a swing bar that was there in my cousin's house. True story.

Have I told you the story about why I stand straight almost always - after a really old painter, who was painting my neighbour's wall called me over when I was coming back from school, and advised me to stand tall always - so that I could show the world that I'm confident?? Well, that was the story.

4.

Have you looked for signs?? I have. When I unsure about doing something, I always look for signs. For example, there's this 'Naagar' [serpent king] idol kept for worship in our temple. I used to circumambulate the said idol (walk in a circle around a temple, idol, etc. in the clockwise direction). But then, I overheard someone saying that doing so is not good. But I just couldn't stop a habit. So, I decided that I would wait for a sign.

The very next [early] morning, we had an early train to catch - so we went to the temple around 5.30. And as I was to go around the idol, she asked me not to. Of course, she was saying that because doing that before sunrise isn't as per scripture, but that was a sign good enough for me.

5.

Have you looked for signs?? Well, I'm sick and tired and fed up and nauseous. I don't know whether it is an inconsequential burp or a at my mouth, and I don't even want to think about what's happening at the other end. That's as good as a sign to let me know that I should be resting. Hence,  I'm stopping.

And here's a sign to help you evacuate the premises.

Thank you for visiting.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

LUCKY ME (5 things - Week 109)

I guess there is no continuing the recent past trend of holding our conversations in this fortnightly, story telling format for the present future.

***

1. THE BULL'S EYE

Bull's eye is a pretty simple concept - how accurately can you hit a target. And I'm about to tell you how good of a, um sharp shooter I am. But the kind of target hitting I intend to pursue doesn't include shooting any ballistic projectiles. It has more to do with hitting a car with a bike.

Suppose you are coming along a highway like road at 60kmph - not too fast, but not too slow either. You see an Innova taking a U turn from the opposite side, coming on to your road. As is the case of many such on road interactions, a split second communication takes place between the two drivers - a dialogue which mostly doesn't use words. The message from the opposite driver is deciphered by how he sets the path for his vehicle.

In this case, the Innova driver showed intend to do a U turn, and you made it clear that you are going to move forward, keeping the same speed. At this moment, the car in front of you decides to slow down and stop right at the intersection. And the Innova guy decides to take a full right turn instead of the U. What happens it that the road in front of you is completely blocked - to the left by the stopped car, to the right by the waylaying Innova.

What do you do??

Let me help you. You proceed on your path, altering just enough to make sure that you hit the middle of the front wheel of the perpendicularly laying Innova. And let me assure you that it works. You'll shaken to your core, but the only actual damage will be to your bike. I would have had a very different story to tell you if this wasn't possible.

2. THE BULL

We will not be done with the "bull"ish theme to this conversation even after this one. The last story is also a bull story. Let's finish this one first though.

This is a story, of which even though I'm the primary protagonist, the events took place at an age where I was too young to keep them stored in memory for eternity. The tale for this story comes mostly from hearsay, and over the course of time, as in any story based on hearsay, the effects are magnified in each telling. I present my own abridged version here.

I was maybe three years old at that time. I had gone to a temple with some cousins, but decided to go back home on my own. I had to take a route which included a narrow alleyway. As I entered the alleyway from one end, a bull, of yet unknown owner and free of its master's grip, entered at the other end. A clash of horns and baby bones, and a subsequent sorry end, was inevitable for yours truly.

Nobody knows from where, or how or why, but he suddenly appeared, swiped me off the ground and put me on top of the wall, and moved himself into safety afterwards, keeping a hand on me throughout. That superman was my Grandfather.

3. DESTINY'S DESTINATION

When talking about how lucky I'm, I always have to talk about us. In July of 2013, I was employed at Gurgaon, taking home a pretty good paycheck every month, and she was deciding to put off joining for that PG Diploma course for six months. Two years down the road, I'm writing this, and I can't wait to see the smile on her face when she reads this line.

4. LITTLE BIG THINGS

As we are doing a lucky me theme, let me just take this moment to thank from the bottom of my heart, every known-unknown source of my luck, who knowingly/unknowingly chose to bestow upon me their bit of luck, so that it made my life at least a little bit better. And for those of you awaiting your luck, it might already have come to you - you just wouldn't have realized it.

5. THE BULL'S EYE AGAIN

Let me recount my first experience of hitting a bull's eye. I was fresh off driving school, with a shiny new driving license in my pocket. I was on my way somewhere when I happened to hit another bike on it's mudguard. This would be an inconsequential offense these days which would end in a polite sorry from me. But on that day, for my first traffic accident, I chose to do this to a Police unit bike. Talk about hitting the Bull's eye.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Blog me, maybe (5 things - Week 108)

Okay. So here is what we are going to do. We are going to pretend to ignore the fact that I haven't been here for the past three weeks. I'm pretty sure that you are bored of my lackadaisical commitments and relinquished responsibilities. On a personal level, I'm tired of making up excuses. Maybe I should change the 'week' in the title to 'part' back and just get on with it.

***

THING ONE

If only the travails of monotony could be charged in the courts of criminal boredom, then only could you bring a man back from insanity. I don't expect you to understand that. I wouldn't write if I wanted you to understand. And if you were able to understand, I'm confident that I wouldn't find you here.

***

THING TWO

I went to the beach today evening. Of course, she came with me - turns out that it is some unwritten law that we have to be together forever and wherever and whatever. Who knew, right?

Well, there were a lot of people at the beach, even though monsoon season started last week. I don't think there is any sanity left in humanity these days. I know there isn't any left in us - cos we fell for a scam of 5 million milli-paise. There was this guy selling kites, and he was flying it pretty fine. My wife sees this, thinks of 'The Kite Runner' book she finished yesterday, and says she wants one. Only problem is she doesn't know how to fly one. And then looks at me and says,

"I'm pretty sure that you know how to."

If you are a man, then you know you are trapped cos of your ego. If you are a woman, you know you can trap a man by his ego like this.

So, I ended up willfully, knowingly, submissively submitting myself to the scam. What helped salvage some pride was the fact that by holding the string at a height equal to my height plus my arm's length, the kite was at a respectable point in air - higher than what other people could achieve, but still casting envious glances at the kite in the hand of the scammer.

***

THING THREE

"So, you think that's conspiracy-ious? Our company's board passed a resolution to the effect that we would get the then Chief Minister to inaugurate our 400th store in the state within the end of the next quarter. This was passed in the penultimate week of the present quarter.

And as is everywhere else - The board passes, the slaves enforces. It was then that we came to know that the CM was free for a slot only in the first month. And as per our original plan, we would reach our 400th stall by the end of the quarter only. This was when my supervisor gave a very valuable piece of advice.

"Whichever store the CM inaugurates, that's our 400th stall."

As you would have guessed by now, the stall which was opened by the CM was numbered 400, and the stall which was opened after that is still carrying the number 381."

***

THING FOUR

So, my phone was finally fixed up this week. Motorola came through for me, and had my new screen delivered in time, and I was able to have my phone back in top notch shape within ten days of lodging my complaint officially. Well, almost top notch. After the screen fix, I noticed that the maximum volume of the speaker was barely audible. I took it to the service center again today.

He said it was not the problem with the speaker, but a software issue. He wanted to format, but I said I'll do it later after backing up my data. So, he put my phone back together let me continue my journey to the beach. After reaching the beach, I tried to unlock my phone. Lo and Behold. The power button was not working. Thanks to a combination of smart display and screen locking app, I'll have no major problems. At least I have a screen to look at. Last week, it wasn't so.

***

THING FIVE

It's Barcelona vs Juventus in the Champions League final which will start soon - under four hours to go as I finish this sentence. I hope it'll be as interesting as it's built up to. I know I don't watch the regular games these two teams partake in, and am looking at this from a premeditated point of view.

But when you consider that the quotes associated with the teams are 'Pass like the Spanish' and 'Defend like the Italians', I'm afraid that it might just be a bore fest. Only one way to find out though.

***

THING ZERO

When the fog finally lifts, the clouds disappear and the sun starts shining again, I know I'll find you right where I left you.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

A very nice surprise (5 things - Week 107)

I'm confident that you are surprised to see me back here so soon - I just hope that it is a pleasant surprise. I have some time on my hands, and no one/chore is pressing me to spend it on them/it. And since, I've been ignoring you lot a little more than usual for the past few weeks, I thought I would spend it here.

I do this quite a lot for my own liking. For example, I read this Shiva Namajabba board in the temple in front of my home, everyday when I go there. There are 102 slokas, and it takes upto five minutes to finish. If on a particular day I find myself in a hurry, then I would skip it; and then would read it twice the next time I'm there. Compensation is what you might call it; I tend to think of it as giving the due due.

Unfortunately, this doesn't work in all situations. There is no point in reading a particular chapter after the exam is over. There is no point in going for your anniversary dinner, three days after the day you were supposed to. There is no point in talking to a picture frame after the person you want to talk to has left this world.

So, with that deep thought, I am going to start giving the due due here. How about "5 things" which came as an unpleasant surprise, followed by a disturbingly pleasant one??

***

1. The unreserved journey PART I

On May 3rd, we started on a train journey hoping that a general ticket could be converted on board to a better seating arrangement. Unfortunately, the plan fell through disastrously - as was mentioned in the last post. I had to stand suffocated for the whole five hour journey in a coach, which was carrying twice the people it was designed to seat.

2. The unreserved journey PART II

For May 9th, I had booked a ticket to Guruvayoor so that I could attend my friend's wedding the following day. Four hours before the journey, I checked my messages, my email and my IRCTC account to confirm the coach and seats. It was then that I realized that I hadn't actually booked the tickets. Still to keep a promise, we took a bus, stayed at her home overnight, then drove a total of 180km on Sunday to attend the marriage. Somehow, a routine journey was messed to its maximum extent.

3. The SMARTPHONE blackout

Again, as was mentioned in the last post, my phone has gone completely black during the unreserved journey Part II. The touch facility works, so it is still partly useful. You just need to know the area where to press, swipe or touch.

4. The Houseful week

There is this tradition of visiting your relatives house for a feast after you marriage. The idea behind the tradition must be to entertain the new couple as well as to get to know the new member of the family. We had skipped going for that during April because I was regularly late from office. The end result was that the first week of May was packed with these. And as expected, I was shifted on to another job, resulting in the erstwhile kind of homecoming. Still, we stayed strong and completed the whole ordeal.

5. The Speed denial

Late on last Thursday night, we were on our way back home from dinner, when I realized that I had to refill my Avenger. We stopped at a nearby petrol station to find out that they only had more refined, costlier version of the usual stuff. To save around three rupees, I decided to postpone the chore to the next day.

The next day I woke up to the news that the petrol prices have gone up by a little over three rupees.

NOTE - That one petrol pump got an additional profit of three rupees for every litre that they didn't sell on Thursday, by selling it on Friday. They always talk of an unholy axis, and this does nothing to disprove that.

***

In case you are wondering what was the good surprise I had, I won't make you wait any longer. I had gone to buy chicken today morning from the local shop. It was a thing I used to dread - even though I love the thought of putting my teeth into the supple flesh of a deliciously cooked chicken, I have nightmares about going out and buying the same.

It might be the omniscient blood; the grimness prevailing because of the impending death; the chuckles and the cries of the sacrificial fowls which are heard, but unheard; or the blank expressions on the faces of the children on their first visit here - they thought they were on a regular shopping trip.

Anyways, today there were no palpitations, no urge to run out, no vomiting tendency induced due to the blood. I didn't feel anything. To test myself, I pushed myself as close as possible to the guy who was slitting their throats and putting them in the bin. ZILCH.

Maybe the standards have fallen cos of the unfair and unfortunate surprises. Maybe this is a part of growing. Maybe I've finally got "tremendous mental strength" [a Wenger favorite]. But one thing is for sure. I've changed.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.