Cheater cheater!! (5 things - Week 106)

So I was sitting there beside a window today evening, enjoying the heavy rains lashing outside, thinking of how the hell I was going to get back home with the floods on the road which was imminent. It was then that I was finally reminded of you. Yes, you - the faithful followers of this conversation, which has been stalled on by its conversor.

I can't keep blaming this on external factors. I had vowed to keep writing something daily, and for the past two weeks, I basically stood you all up. I can't blame it on work, on new found personal responsibilities, commitments or enjoyments. I need to put my hands up and shoulder the whole, complete, universal responsibility for my digressions. It is on account of the lack of planning and commitment from yours truly.

We had crossed two years of this conversation in the middle of all this non-drama. Last year, we had a special post in which I had actually written the post by hand, and posted it on the blog by uploading the photos. This year, ZILCH. Sorry, but I have always been bad with regards to anniversaries. [I hope you read the last statement Ammu, cos that is going to be my defense in all the fights we are going to have in the future. You were forewarned.]

I think I'll just go ahead with today's blog now. The origin of this thought flow goes back two weeks. We tried to ride our luck on our way back home from Kochi, by taking a general ticket, and converting it into sleeper or AC, once we were onboard. To say that the plan backfired would be an understatement. We had discounted the fact that it was the culmination of a three day weekend. The train was packed to the rafters. I counted [I had the time you see] 176 people in one coach. And that was the case of a reserved sleeper coach. I don't even want to imagine the count in an unreserved one.

I had actually kept my SMARTPHONE to full charge so that I won't be bored through the five hour journey. I had kept enough video content to keep me engaged, when I felt bored of hearing the music or of playing the indulging games. And by God, was I wrong. The "5 things" for this week will be on the same.

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1. I wish my SMARTPHONE could become a bag of chips.

I had the audacity to believe that I'll get a seat. So much so that I declined the offer to have lunch at home, and packed everything to have after getting seated in the train. That parcel was still untouched when I reached back home.

2. I wish my SMARTPHONE could become a bottle of water. 

Because of the huge rush, the Pantry car people found it tough to move inside the compartments. The result was that we were cut off of our valuable supplies of snacks and drinks.

3. I wish my SMARTPHONE could become a chair.

Again, because of the huge rush, I couldn't find a seat, and had to stand on my two legs all the way.

4. I wish my SMARTPHONE could become a fan.

Standing in a crowd, with no food, no water, suffocation starts to settle in. It is then that you wish you had some fresh air come in and punch you right in the face.

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TIP - In such suffocating circumstances, it would be wise to spend some time inside the toilet in the train. One, the person per square feet drops to a very low value once you are inside. Two, the window can be nudged open enough to let in a drought, which is refreshing to say the least. Three, make sure you get out before the train stops at the next station, cos the lack of air flow is going to make the stench unable to bear.

NOTE - Even though the evidence points to the contrary, this TIP IS NOT THE RESULT of the author spending thirty odd minutes inside the train's lavatory.

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5. I wish my SMARTPHONE could become a SMARTPHONE again.

Last weekend, I was on my way from Trivandrum to Kochi [yeah I do this travel thingy a lot these days]. A blue spot appeared on my phone. I let it slide thinking that it was my pen's ink. I checked an hour later. There were more spots. It covered the whole screen. Then it changed to a mossy green colour. Then everything went black. And so now, my SMARTPHONE is still smart, but is not able to show me how smart it actually is.

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So, as I trudge towards the second week of leaving a SMARTPHONE less life, I would like you to realize that life without a SMARTPHONE is possib........ BAAAAAAH.. I WANT MY SMARTPHONE BACK.....

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Meh 2?? (5 things - Week 105)

What is the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life?? If the answer to that question comes to your mind easily, then we'll have to infer that you've been scarred for life. If the answer requires some serious chin scratching, then either you've never been reasonably disappointed, or you have been done the wrong way, way too many times.

It's not normal to think about the dark side when you are standing, basking in the sun in the middle of a park in Spring, but I've never assured you of sticking to what may be called the generally accepted levels of sanity. At least, you have to remember that I am still the owner of the now dormant blog, "The pasture of lunacy".

So, what shall we do for the "5 things" tonight?? If you are thinking that I'm going to do a Chetan Bhagat and list out the "5 mistakes of my life" through a third person narrative of an analogous protagonist, then you are sadly mistaken. It's not that I don't want to, but I'm still compiling the list. And yes, I'll let you know once I finish.

I've this habit of cooking up one liners in my spare time. One liners which generally are private, either because of their perverted nature or their intended target. I have claimed that they are original in any respect. If I had to give a reason for the inherent plagiarism, then it would be similar to the reply given by the music directors who get caught -

"There are only 26 letters in the alphabet, and hence there is a limit to the number of meaningfully permissible permutations and combinations - however large a number it may be. So, there is always a probability that what Mr.X says is in someways similar to what Mr.Y said."

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1. Let's begin quite unceremoniously. If you are ever on a bus/train, and are lucky enough to choose between side seats on the opposite end of the aisle, always co relate the position of the sun and the direction of travel to minimize the sun burn. It's not pretty when you are sitting in the sun, wishing you had chosen the right option.

2. How about another free advice regarding bus journey?? Never chose a seat near to or on top of the wheel, especially if you are traveling inside Kerala. Well you could, but only if you want to know how a  throughly shaken soda can feels like.

3. Let's go airborne for this one. If you are planning to travel by air on a Sunday or a Monday, you would be a brave soul to chose Air India. The reason for my supposedly pessimistic opinion can be found in my last post.

4. Shall we move to the seas for a change?? I'm pretty sure you won't mind as you are hardly in a mood to participate actively. So I might as well decide for you. If you plan to go to Lakshadweep, let it be made known to you that there are only very few vessels ferrying passengers and cargo to and fro from the mainland.

5. We've covered land, air and seas. Wonder where we could go next?? Space is an option. But we'll refrain from deliberately discussing it in order to wait for an opportunity to experience it first hand.

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Meh 2 only because I'm not sure if I've used Meh before.

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This epilogue has got nothing to do with whatever has been written above. This is all but a genuine doubt from yours truly. Today I was asked by a friend, who was here in Thiruvananthapuram on deputation, to suggest a place for him to meet up with some other friends. All I could answer was the Napier Museum garden, which he said was the most popular answer to that question. Hence, it is also the most stale answer. I would love to hear suggestion from my fellow City-zens. Please feel free to disturb me with your answers.

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Life After You Tie The Knot (5 things - Week 104)

And finally, here with today's conversation is the Mrs herself. Enjoy...

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28 days since I became Mrs.Harisankar. I know 28 days are not enough to judge a long term commitment, but here are the nuggets I've been able to forage.

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1. You will look at world differently

For some people, being married doesn't substantially change things. But to me, it makes things different because it's a highly public act of faith, hope, and optimism. Most of the time, we keep our hopes and dreams tucked safely out of sight, but marriage puts them on display. And that mere act turns the relationship into something that others - your friends, your family - have a stake in. You have a standard to live up to for the rest of your lives, but you've also got all these other people cheering you on and help you to hit the mark.

2. The world looks at you differently.

  

Well if you have ever gone out for a date in India, you would have experienced those uncomfortable stares from the self declared moral police. A wedding ring, a dot of vermilion on your forehead and that sacred thread around your neck suddenly changes the whole story. Those meaningful stares suddenly turn into respectful smiles. Out of the blue, you will be treated as a respectable component of the society - may be because you are capable of handling a relationship which requires a certain level of responsibility and commitment, or maybe because they realize you are following the conventions.

3. Changes within

It doesn't matter how long you have known each other ,how long you were dating, people will always change, some for the better ,some for the worse. 28 days are very less time to say whether we have changed or not. I  hope we will remain same and I could say the same even after 10 years. But I am sure about one thing, I love him more and more with each passing day.When you get married to a particular person, you have altered your relationship to that person. Responsibilities,compromises,expectations all will change the way you look at life. That doesnt mean that marriage is a prison. From the day you get married, you are part of a two member club. You will always have some one to share everything with. Someone to support you,which makes life worth living.

4. Your two biggest enemies.

Your two biggest enemies in this new and improved form of relationship will be his greatest passion and his favorite pass time. In my case, it is the football club Arsenal and his insistence in watching TV all the time.

5. Unrealistic expectations.

Like this blog!!!.You would think after 28 days you are capable of delivering 5 things that will change after marriage. Nope. It is a life long journey, and I have signed a contract that I will tolerate him at least for the next 50 years. We have just started out, a lot more to experience, a lot more memories to make.

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Let me just conclude with this.

"I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn't something about you at all. It was just you."

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

You've got an hour... (5 things - Week 103)

That’s right. It has come down to this. The conversation which was weekly is on the verge of becoming a fortnightly. There are some changes in life you can’t resist, but I hope this is one I have the strength to wage a successful battle against.

As has been the content of our deliberation over the past few weeks, we'll continue on the topic of the changes I've seen effected on my life after marriage. One interesting fact is that I seem to misplace an hour or two every day. For the love of God, I can't remember where I'm loosing them.

This is how my typical days used to go. I wake up at around 8; get ready and reach office by 9.30; spend the day doing whatever I supposed to be doing; leave by 7; reach home by 7.30; rest for an hour; watch some random TV show; have dinner by 10pm; then start calling her, ending the conversation as we drift off to sleep around 1am.

Nowadays, everything upto reaching home at 7.30 remains the same; but after that it's blur. If I had one thing I wanted to change about myself, it was that I was inherently lazy. Take a typical bachelor day Saturday for example. I would laze around at home all day - watching the weekend football.

Today. Well, today I was at office till 3pm; came back; went to the Napier museum; then to the beach; traveled another 30 odd kms before reaching back home. That's what she has me doing now - making me come out of my shell. And I don't mind loosing my time over her.

Now, what shall we do for the week then. How about a recap of the major events from the past two weeks??

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1. Kurumesherry

That's the place from where she is from. And as a part of our custom the 'virunnu', we visited this green lush land, not too far away from the city. And it was an incredible experience for me. After spending the better part of the past 15 years in cities, it was a chance for me to unwind in a different environment. The place and the people have me en rapt, and looking forward to my next trip this week.

2. Goa

If you the kind to label things, you might have called it the honeymoon; but call it whatever you may, we made a trip to Goa, much to the bemusement of even my close friends. They were so surprised by the choice of location that two of them actually called me up, just to confirm that I wasn't playing a prank.

3. Goan Beaches

Why would I give Goan beaches a special mention? Well, it was just an awesome experience. We visited a few beaches, and each had its own unique flavor to offer. A very good part of our trip.

4. Air India

Now, comes the worst part. What are you supposed to do if the Airline says that your flight out from destination is 5 hours late, which makes you miss a connection flight from the same carrier? What will you say if the same carrier says that it can't do anything, that it doesn't have any other south bound flight, will take you further north of your home, asks you to stay for one day longer so that it can fly you home the next day without even giving a hint of providing accommodation? What will you do if the only viable option they give is a full refund on cancellation? Will you take a taxi overnight to Mangalore 380km away, stay there for one day costing you one day's leave, catch a bus, supposed to arrive at 8.30am in the morning in your city, but reaches late? 

I guess I won't have to say which airline I will always avoid in the future.

5. Watching football

I wrote this whole thing watching Arsenal beat Burnley in the Barclays Premier League to extend their winning stretch to eight games.

I guess, somethings will never change.

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

5 things to expect from your wedding [Groom’s Version] One (5 things - Week 102)

I don’t know why they call it a ‘sheepish’ smile. I mean, has anyone seen a sheep actually smile? And more importantly, why would a sheep smile? For the general betterment, I would stop there with that weird question. There’s going to be a lot more weird stuff coming soon after for us to be burdened by the intricacies of a smiling sheep.

Now, the whole point of bringing the sheepish smile into our conversation was to define what has been one of the more popular smiles to adorn our faces this week. We started smiling 7 days ago, and through the aches and groans, we are still going strong - we are still smiling.

She is of the opinion that we concentrated on the lips and teeth than the faces and eyes at our wedding and at our reception. To reciprocate in kind was our motto. We would stand there - feeling numb in our legs and mind, with a stomach crying out loud for a tiny morsel of food, shoulders drooped, eyes half closed – almost zombie like. And then when a guest made an entrance to the stage left, we were transformed, as if by magic - a glow in our eyes, a spring in our steps and an appropriate smile adorning our lips.

Over the course of the past 7 days, we have learnt jointly as well as individually many things which we feel we should share with the wider audience. Of course, only our close friends will be privy to the nuances that make a marriage work, but that doesn’t mean that the offering we have for you is any less valuable.

As a special, since we missed our conversation last week, and since we are on the cusp of two years of being in a conversation, you’ll have a double header this week. The general heading is ‘5 things to expect from your wedding’, but with two sets – one from the Groom’s side, one from the Bride’s side.

Shall we begin then??

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5 things to expect from your wedding [Groom’s Version]

1. Angry photographers

It might be because of having to constantly convince you to smile in a better manner; it might be because they are getting an earful from us and our relatives; or it might just be the summer heat; but whatever it is, there is a high chance that the photographers leave the premises angry at you – and you can’t blame them really. They were just trying hard to do their job that you are paying them for.

2. Insomnia

As the date of your wedding draws close, you’ll realize that sleep is a rare commodity. Over the three days of main functions that we have had, I got around 12 hours of sleep. That is a very, very, VERY short span of time to rest your aching limbs and hyper heart.

3. Gaseous build up

If you thought that sleep deprivation was the only issue you were going to have, you were terribly mistaken – like us. The irregular sleep pattern is made to look like a regular thing by the timings at which we have food. And the abnormality in food timings make for wonderful entertainment in the form of gaseous build up and acidity.

4. The tasteless feast

Which bring us to the actual act of consuming the feast made available for your wedding. As someone had pointed out to me before the wedding, you can seldom enjoy the food at your own wedding. When you are placed at the table after a barrage of ceremonies, guests and cameras, the last thing on your mind is trying to eat the delicacies while enjoying their taste. So, when our friends and relatives pour praises on the ‘payasams’, we are absolutely clueless.

5. Happiness

In middle of all this chaos, in the midst of all the ceremonies and customs, when you are not thinking about whether your ‘mundu’ is coming loose again, when you are given a welcome break from the invited crowd, when you have a moment to share with the other – all alone in the middle of the general public; you’ll look into her eyes and you’ll realize that you just married her. That’s when you will feel a certain kind of happiness – a happiness which I hope everyone of you will realize one day.

One such moment of happiness

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Well, both you as well as myself will have to wait for the ‘5 things to expect on your wedding’ from the Bride’s side. I’ll make sure that she gets working on it, as soon as she possibly can.

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I know one week ain’t a lot of time to judge or evaluate a lifelong commitment, but being married to Ammu has been more than anything I expected it to be. Thank you for being the usual goodness and the necessary evil in my life [which makes me happy indirectly, by making me do stuff, which I probably should do, but hate doing].

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.