Life After You Tie The Knot (5 things - Week 104)

And finally, here with today's conversation is the Mrs herself. Enjoy...

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28 days since I became Mrs.Harisankar. I know 28 days are not enough to judge a long term commitment, but here are the nuggets I've been able to forage.

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1. You will look at world differently

For some people, being married doesn't substantially change things. But to me, it makes things different because it's a highly public act of faith, hope, and optimism. Most of the time, we keep our hopes and dreams tucked safely out of sight, but marriage puts them on display. And that mere act turns the relationship into something that others - your friends, your family - have a stake in. You have a standard to live up to for the rest of your lives, but you've also got all these other people cheering you on and help you to hit the mark.

2. The world looks at you differently.

  

Well if you have ever gone out for a date in India, you would have experienced those uncomfortable stares from the self declared moral police. A wedding ring, a dot of vermilion on your forehead and that sacred thread around your neck suddenly changes the whole story. Those meaningful stares suddenly turn into respectful smiles. Out of the blue, you will be treated as a respectable component of the society - may be because you are capable of handling a relationship which requires a certain level of responsibility and commitment, or maybe because they realize you are following the conventions.

3. Changes within

It doesn't matter how long you have known each other ,how long you were dating, people will always change, some for the better ,some for the worse. 28 days are very less time to say whether we have changed or not. I  hope we will remain same and I could say the same even after 10 years. But I am sure about one thing, I love him more and more with each passing day.When you get married to a particular person, you have altered your relationship to that person. Responsibilities,compromises,expectations all will change the way you look at life. That doesnt mean that marriage is a prison. From the day you get married, you are part of a two member club. You will always have some one to share everything with. Someone to support you,which makes life worth living.

4. Your two biggest enemies.

Your two biggest enemies in this new and improved form of relationship will be his greatest passion and his favorite pass time. In my case, it is the football club Arsenal and his insistence in watching TV all the time.

5. Unrealistic expectations.

Like this blog!!!.You would think after 28 days you are capable of delivering 5 things that will change after marriage. Nope. It is a life long journey, and I have signed a contract that I will tolerate him at least for the next 50 years. We have just started out, a lot more to experience, a lot more memories to make.

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Let me just conclude with this.

"I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn't something about you at all. It was just you."

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

You've got an hour... (5 things - Week 103)

That’s right. It has come down to this. The conversation which was weekly is on the verge of becoming a fortnightly. There are some changes in life you can’t resist, but I hope this is one I have the strength to wage a successful battle against.

As has been the content of our deliberation over the past few weeks, we'll continue on the topic of the changes I've seen effected on my life after marriage. One interesting fact is that I seem to misplace an hour or two every day. For the love of God, I can't remember where I'm loosing them.

This is how my typical days used to go. I wake up at around 8; get ready and reach office by 9.30; spend the day doing whatever I supposed to be doing; leave by 7; reach home by 7.30; rest for an hour; watch some random TV show; have dinner by 10pm; then start calling her, ending the conversation as we drift off to sleep around 1am.

Nowadays, everything upto reaching home at 7.30 remains the same; but after that it's blur. If I had one thing I wanted to change about myself, it was that I was inherently lazy. Take a typical bachelor day Saturday for example. I would laze around at home all day - watching the weekend football.

Today. Well, today I was at office till 3pm; came back; went to the Napier museum; then to the beach; traveled another 30 odd kms before reaching back home. That's what she has me doing now - making me come out of my shell. And I don't mind loosing my time over her.

Now, what shall we do for the week then. How about a recap of the major events from the past two weeks??

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1. Kurumesherry

That's the place from where she is from. And as a part of our custom the 'virunnu', we visited this green lush land, not too far away from the city. And it was an incredible experience for me. After spending the better part of the past 15 years in cities, it was a chance for me to unwind in a different environment. The place and the people have me en rapt, and looking forward to my next trip this week.

2. Goa

If you the kind to label things, you might have called it the honeymoon; but call it whatever you may, we made a trip to Goa, much to the bemusement of even my close friends. They were so surprised by the choice of location that two of them actually called me up, just to confirm that I wasn't playing a prank.

3. Goan Beaches

Why would I give Goan beaches a special mention? Well, it was just an awesome experience. We visited a few beaches, and each had its own unique flavor to offer. A very good part of our trip.

4. Air India

Now, comes the worst part. What are you supposed to do if the Airline says that your flight out from destination is 5 hours late, which makes you miss a connection flight from the same carrier? What will you say if the same carrier says that it can't do anything, that it doesn't have any other south bound flight, will take you further north of your home, asks you to stay for one day longer so that it can fly you home the next day without even giving a hint of providing accommodation? What will you do if the only viable option they give is a full refund on cancellation? Will you take a taxi overnight to Mangalore 380km away, stay there for one day costing you one day's leave, catch a bus, supposed to arrive at 8.30am in the morning in your city, but reaches late? 

I guess I won't have to say which airline I will always avoid in the future.

5. Watching football

I wrote this whole thing watching Arsenal beat Burnley in the Barclays Premier League to extend their winning stretch to eight games.

I guess, somethings will never change.

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

5 things to expect from your wedding [Groom’s Version] One (5 things - Week 102)

I don’t know why they call it a ‘sheepish’ smile. I mean, has anyone seen a sheep actually smile? And more importantly, why would a sheep smile? For the general betterment, I would stop there with that weird question. There’s going to be a lot more weird stuff coming soon after for us to be burdened by the intricacies of a smiling sheep.

Now, the whole point of bringing the sheepish smile into our conversation was to define what has been one of the more popular smiles to adorn our faces this week. We started smiling 7 days ago, and through the aches and groans, we are still going strong - we are still smiling.

She is of the opinion that we concentrated on the lips and teeth than the faces and eyes at our wedding and at our reception. To reciprocate in kind was our motto. We would stand there - feeling numb in our legs and mind, with a stomach crying out loud for a tiny morsel of food, shoulders drooped, eyes half closed – almost zombie like. And then when a guest made an entrance to the stage left, we were transformed, as if by magic - a glow in our eyes, a spring in our steps and an appropriate smile adorning our lips.

Over the course of the past 7 days, we have learnt jointly as well as individually many things which we feel we should share with the wider audience. Of course, only our close friends will be privy to the nuances that make a marriage work, but that doesn’t mean that the offering we have for you is any less valuable.

As a special, since we missed our conversation last week, and since we are on the cusp of two years of being in a conversation, you’ll have a double header this week. The general heading is ‘5 things to expect from your wedding’, but with two sets – one from the Groom’s side, one from the Bride’s side.

Shall we begin then??

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5 things to expect from your wedding [Groom’s Version]

1. Angry photographers

It might be because of having to constantly convince you to smile in a better manner; it might be because they are getting an earful from us and our relatives; or it might just be the summer heat; but whatever it is, there is a high chance that the photographers leave the premises angry at you – and you can’t blame them really. They were just trying hard to do their job that you are paying them for.

2. Insomnia

As the date of your wedding draws close, you’ll realize that sleep is a rare commodity. Over the three days of main functions that we have had, I got around 12 hours of sleep. That is a very, very, VERY short span of time to rest your aching limbs and hyper heart.

3. Gaseous build up

If you thought that sleep deprivation was the only issue you were going to have, you were terribly mistaken – like us. The irregular sleep pattern is made to look like a regular thing by the timings at which we have food. And the abnormality in food timings make for wonderful entertainment in the form of gaseous build up and acidity.

4. The tasteless feast

Which bring us to the actual act of consuming the feast made available for your wedding. As someone had pointed out to me before the wedding, you can seldom enjoy the food at your own wedding. When you are placed at the table after a barrage of ceremonies, guests and cameras, the last thing on your mind is trying to eat the delicacies while enjoying their taste. So, when our friends and relatives pour praises on the ‘payasams’, we are absolutely clueless.

5. Happiness

In middle of all this chaos, in the midst of all the ceremonies and customs, when you are not thinking about whether your ‘mundu’ is coming loose again, when you are given a welcome break from the invited crowd, when you have a moment to share with the other – all alone in the middle of the general public; you’ll look into her eyes and you’ll realize that you just married her. That’s when you will feel a certain kind of happiness – a happiness which I hope everyone of you will realize one day.

One such moment of happiness

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Well, both you as well as myself will have to wait for the ‘5 things to expect on your wedding’ from the Bride’s side. I’ll make sure that she gets working on it, as soon as she possibly can.

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I know one week ain’t a lot of time to judge or evaluate a lifelong commitment, but being married to Ammu has been more than anything I expected it to be. Thank you for being the usual goodness and the necessary evil in my life [which makes me happy indirectly, by making me do stuff, which I probably should do, but hate doing].

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

So, what's the plan?? (5 things - Week 101)

"So, what are you planning to write the blog next week?" I could imagine a mischievous smile playing hide and seek on her face from my bed, 250km away from where she was laying. 

Even before the time there was anything serious between us, the topics of the weekly conversations here were useful to us in providing content for the jibber-jabber that we used to do. And even though she hates to admit it, she loves it when I leave references to her in here. 

"So, when are you planning to write the blog next week?" Now, I didn't have to imagine anything. The mischievous smile was making its presence known in her giggly voice. 

The question of 'when' is important as I usually write these on Saturdays, and next Saturday I would be busy marrying her. Even though the actual act of marriage takes less than 10 minutes, the pre-marriage ceremonies, the post-marriage photo sessions, and the 250km trek from Aluva to Thiruvananthapuram would consume our time up until 9pm.

So, the question of 'when' I'm going to write for you next week is a pressing one. That's not to say that the question of 'what' is any less important. Anyways, I can put thinking about that off until next week at least.

When I asked her about what I should write next with regards to us, she said that I had never written about her. When I contested that statement, she made me realize that I usually write about us, rather than her; about our complimenting relation rather than our individual strengths. That's was a 'glass-shattering' moment for me.

For those among you unwise to the terms coined in the 'How I met your Mother' series, 'glass-shattering' is used to define those moments when you realize a pattern, which your brain refused to decipher from the picture till then.

So, guess what I'm going to do. I'm going to note down five such 'glass-shattering' moments we have had in our short time together - moments which made me realize that this is the woman for me.

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1. Clone

Have you ever met someone whom you think as your clone? Well, I'm marrying mine next Saturday. At the end of our long discussion during our lab hour about what we wanted to do with our lives, what our definition of happiness meant, about what a family means, I was wondering whether she was fooling me by stating exactly what I wanted her to say. To tell the truth, for the love of God, I still don't know how she keeps doing that. And in these ways, we found love.

If you are wondering what goes on in my head when she does that, I recommend you watch the following video from 3m32s.

2. Attitude

Just having the same ideals doesn't mean that the other is your clone, you also have to determine how they respond to situations. For eg, when she responded to a certain undisclosable situation at our class, there was a I realized that our attitudes match too. We prefer real respect to respecting people only in front of them. In such little things, we found love.

3. Aptitude

Not something which she would like me sharing over here. How do I put it nicely, well her aptitude stinks. Not that she absolutely doesn't know anything in mathematical sorcery, but that she somehow or the other contrives to make sure that she always falls short of the cutoff in exams by the smallest of margins. If I may so, she's the exact opposite of me in this respect. As I'm the exact opposite of hers in many respects. And we make it a point to help the other in the areas they are weak. And in this differences, we found love.

4. Little things

I gifted her a letter for the first birthday she had since we met. You would expect a normal girl to flip out, but she didn't. That's when I realized that she's special. The contents of the letter or the subsequent gifts are to remain confidential, but just know that in these small things we find love.

5. Love

I always doubted the possibility of someone loving me as much as she does. Basically because of my sporadic bursts of immature ways and inappropriate behaviors. But when I realized that she found out all that has to be found out about me, and still loved me, maybe even more than she actually did, I realized that she is THE ONE for me.

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Just in case you are wondering what my reply was to the original question, I spoke thus.

"Well, there's a lot of time on our hands when we are on the drive back home after our marriage. We would have to find something to keep ourselves busy na."

I LOVE YOU

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Ammu, Amma, Ammumma (5 things - Week 100)

It's mostly ironic that I had to be reminded that I was supposed to write a blog with this title for this week by one appearing in the title. This title and its debut today was finalized once I found its lyrical nature back in October or so. While pondering about writing about the three most important women in my life, I felt that March 8th is as good as it gets.

And the title seemingly wrote itself.  Ammu is what she's being called; Amma and Ammumma is what I call the other two. There was a fleeting mention of this blog in my tribute to my grandmother two weeks back. Whenever I thought of this blog, I thought of being able to tell all three that I wrote about them, as soon as I posted it. I guess I can do only two thirds of that now.

But, if my memory serves right, and I'm going to blindly believe it to be correct for just this moment, I told my grandmother in October that I was going to write a blog like this, and about its sing-song title. So, I'll always have that.

If still someone needs an introduction to these three women, Ammu is THE ONE I'm going to be married to in two weeks times; Amma is my mother, who made me the man I'm over more than two decades; and Ammumma is my grandmother, who unfortunately is not with us anymore.

They must have had come together in close vicinity on our engagement day, but the only day I remember when these three women actually conversed was when my mother brought my grandmother to meet her outside Technopark Campus. Ammumma was not confident in her health to go to Aluva to meet Ammu during the official Pennukannal [the first time the guy meets the girl]. And she used to joke that she made me sit back at home with her, while my Pennukannal was taking place without my presence.

I am at a loss of words to describe to you these three women. Each strong and soft, each with a determination unmatched, each willing to make sacrifices for the greater good, each unique in their own way, while being the same. They were born three decades apart, each in a different era, brought up under different set of rules, but each of them have gone on to become the best they could be.

And in their way to achieving personal perfection, they have helped me become a better man. And how they did becomes the '5 things' for this week. Shall we begin then??

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1. History lessons with Ammumma

Over the course of our lives, but mostly over the past year, as we spent time on our daily hour of chitchat, she would explain to me her childhood. About the practices in that time, about the games she used to play, about how the society was, how she came from her town to here, about getting gifts from the Travancore king, etc etc. It was fun.

2. Life lessons with Amma

It is quite simple according to her really. Since she has had the opportunity to have more Onam feasts than me [meaning she's way older than me], she knows more than me. And since it would be dumb for me to wait that long to learn that much, she thinks it is much more simpler to just teach me these life lessons directly.

3. Miscellaneous lessons with Amma

From teaching me how to write the letter 'B' in the correct manner to how to behave, she has been on this march to make a me a better man for the woman who'll inherit me. And that's who we are going to talk about next.

4. Fighting lessons with Ammu

Despite my meek and withdrawn exterior, I've fought with many people. But I like fighting with Ammu more than any of the other fights I've had. It is in the worst moments of these fights - when she really gets on my nerves - that I realize how much I love her. And just for that fact, I don't mind having the odd fight with her here and then.

5. Changing lessons with Ammu

No. Not that kind of changing. This is the journey that I have embarked on with her, with her making me a better man every day. If you had known me a year ago, and if you know me today, then you would know that I'm right.

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In light of the occasion, the topic and the situation, it is hard for me to not voice my opinion on the current comments unfurling both online and offline. What these people say, without much forethought I hope, is nothing short of despicable in nature. The narrow, convoluted mind of the nation's prominent faces will only demean the Nation's pride.

One essential feature of a person's character is to take a step back, look at their own actions objectively. Not only that, there should also be a will to accept the error and make it right. As a nation, I feel we are lacking in both these traits. Instead of looking for the cause, we are just making hue and cry over the results.

As much has already been written on this topic by many a skilled hands over the past week, I'll keep my words to a minimum. Maybe I'll collect my thoughts and get back to you later. For now, I wish every single women out there the strength to be who they want to be. I wish them a Happy, Safe Women's Day.

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So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.