Nice talking to ya!!!

"So, what you are saying is that you want people to come and talk to you?"

A lot of banter in the workplace is said to occur at the water fountain. It is not so at my office though, but that is mostly because of the fact that the water fountain is right in front of the restroom. So, people usually refrain from spending too much time at this specific locale at the office.

But that doesn't dither me from having this conversation right there. As I gulped down on a glass of water, I collected my thoughts on how to frame my reply.

"Yes"

"That's it? Just an 'YES!'. Come on man. You said you religiously follow this annoying thing. Now, you have to explain why you do it."

I have always been known for blurting out my secrets in public, but over the years, because of some very specific, bitter experiences, I have been compelled to curb that habit of mine. But seeing as to whom I was having this conversation with, I decided to let go of my better judgment. I actually wanted someone to take a through investigation of my theory.

"My theory to arrive at that conclusion is based upon my experiences. Whenever I have to initiate contact with someone, I feel awkward. I'm someone who has thought long and hard about personal space and absolutely values it. So unless I know that somebody is in such a mood so as to entertain my trespassing of their personal space, I feel uncertain about trying to strike up a conversation with them."

"That's a load of bullshit."

Ignoring that completely, I continued.

"Before the advent of the Whatsapps, social networking and phones, people  had only one way to contact each other - talk face to face. And believe me if you will, but it was one tough thing to do. You had to have guts to go up to that beautiful gal you know from college/work, and strike up a conversation. These days,  it's more of a guerrilla warfare kind of thing."

"Guerrilla warfare?"

"Yeah. You ping her at the place you stalk her, and wait for a response. It takes out the dangers of saying the wrong things; of having a prompt, unwelcome reply thrown at your face in public; of having your friends watch on as they wait to mock your impending failure; etc etc."

"So this applies to only talking to people of the opposite sex?"

No No No. I just used that as an the worst case scenario. Consider talking to someone you haven't talked to in a long time, like since school. Assume that you asked them about their school crush. It must be a decade after the event. You don't know how that ended for them. You are simply putting them in a bad situation. You will definitely end up having some pauses, some uncomfortable silences. You'll end up saying something and then regretting it."

"So?"

"So, I will say it again. Talking face to face to someone - anyone - takes a bit of courage, of having a mentality to efficiently tackle all the uncomfortable things that come up during the conversation. You can't log off, you can't risk a "seen at", you can't wait and formulate an apt reply. Everything is instantaneous, everything is risky."

"So what you are saying is that its cowardly to try and chat online?"

"No and yes."

<long pause>

"Should I prod you with a stick to get the answer out completely?"

"No, because I am not against people talking online altogether. It is an easy way to keep in touch with people and there is no need to get rid of it altogether. But one should make sure that it is not the only way that one keeps in touch with his friends."

"Yes, because if it is the only way you keep in touch with them, then slowly, a barrier is built. I believe that people always talk to each other standing behind a wall. They don't want to expose themselves completely in front of the other. You don't do that until you meet the one."

"So, while chatting online, in the language of short hand and smileys, you'll be building an extra layer of protection for yourselves. This makes you miss out on the actual feeling - their impetuousness, their tone of voice - which would have been easier to gauge if you had been talking to them in person."

"So you want people to use online methods to a lesser extent and start having actual conversations for a change."

"Yup."

"And you are only going to use direct methods for communicating with people from on??"

"That's what I plan to do."

"So does that mean you won't ping anyone in WhatsApp; poke them in Facebook; or send a chat in Gmail??"

"Precisely."

"So are you going to call or meet them and talk to them directly now??"

"Hopefully. I will have to build up the courage to break into another person's personal space though."

"So is your days of being an online stalker over?"

"I never said that."

"Haha. I should have known as much. Anyways nice talking to you. It's been great."

"Yeah. You are such a great guy."

"You are not so bad yourself."

"Haha.. Bye then."

"Catch you later."

As I walked away, I realized how much I had missed talking to myself.

Is this the Incoherent ramblings of an Incompetent Mind?? (5 things - Week 78)

Are we in the process of renaming the title of this blog??

If yes, can't we come up with something better?

If not, why did I say that?

Was it because this phrase was stuck inside my cerebrum for an extended period of time? Why then, had it not made its way out like the thousand other phrases that have come after it? Is it because of a bout of shyness? Fear of reproach from the general public maybe? Or is it something yet unknown, which kept the created masked from the audience?

Are you wondering why every sentence is a question today?? Are you getting annoyed by it? Are you getting irritated by it? If you are feeling either of those, can you pause to contemplate how it might be effecting me? What do think is my condition right now? What do you think my condition will be at the end of this post?

Are you thinking how many questions are going to be there in this post?? Would you like to calculate? Or would you like to know the answer to the first question in the paragraph only? If yes, would you please jump to the next paragraph? If not, did you know that, on an average, I write about 1000 words per post? And that the average sentence length will be something around 12? Can you calculate 1000 by 12 to find the average number of sentences per post?

Did you know that the people who decided to calculate what was asked in last question got an answer close to 84? So how many question are over already? Would you believe me if I said that this is the 24th question? Or would you like to go back and count from the beginning?

Are you wondering what I would get because of this perennial questioning? Is it a sense of achievement or accomplishment? Or is something more petty like payback or revenge? If so, a revenge for what? Is it because I was subjected to something similar during the day? If so, do you think I would risk an anti-climax by stating the reason for this before we reach the end of the post?

What else do you think we should talk about as we make our way over there? How about the weekly ritual of going through "5 things" for this week? What should be the 5 things for this week? How about I list out some words I always wanted to use, but couldn't; some things I always wanted to admit to, but didn't; because of a lack of appropriate situation? Shall we begin then?

Did you know that that was the only sentence which you might find in a run of the mill post over here - "Shall we begin then?"? Are you wondering whether it is right to use two 'that' consecutively as in the previous question? What if I tell you that it is correct from what I understand of the English language? Will you agree that it has more chance of being correct than 'recent future' as someone used the other day? Or are you confused about what is wrong with 'recent future' like that someone?

But seriously, shall we begin then?

***

1. Did you know that I always wanted to use the word 'hirsute' in a sentence?

Is it because the word fascinated me when I first came across it in my eighth standard textbook? Is it because the word wraps up in gift paper a generally disliked word like hairy?? Or are you wondering whether I have any kinky attraction to hairy things?

2. Did you know that I am not a bathroom singer?

And more importantly, are you aware that I sing when I ride my bike through this city of mine? Is it because I have less chance of being found out as someone who lacks basic rhythm and sense of music notes?

3. Did you know that I always wanted to punctuate my feelings on here with swear words?

And shall I inquire whether you will be offended by it? Are you wondering why I would like to use swear words? Are you hoping that it be some silly reason? Is 'to satisfy one of the conditions to cement my online personality's character as cool' a silly enough reason?

4. Did you know that online chatting is a fake?

Is it because the response is always having a time delay compared to real life conversation? Is it because the said time delay allows for one to contort his/her reply to mask their true feeling, so that they can cajole their conversation partner to do what they want from them?

5. Did you know that I'm an imaginative pessimist?

Should I give more proof to that? Won't this whole post suffice to make my point valid?

***

Are you aware that we are only on the 61st question? Will it be weird if I confess that I am wondering how I will push another 22 questions onto you? Shall I begin by finally explaining the reason for the style that has been adopted for this post?

Did you know that I am an Arsenal FC fan? And not just a fan, but a bit of a fanatic fan? Will you agree to my title if I say that I follow about 5 daily bloggers who write exclusively about Arsenal? Do you think that I will only be glad to admit that my own weekly blogging is inspired from the effort those writers are putting in? What if I told you that this style was also inspired in such a manner?

Would you like to read the article that is the source of this inspiration? Have you gone through that article? Did you read Tim apologize to Padgett Powel for copying his idea? Do you think I should apologize to them both? If you think I should, can you take this sentence as my apology?

By the way, can you fathom the effort that must have been made to write an entire book, only with questions? Will you believe if I claim that I can? Isn't the experience of having to churn out this blogpost having 1127 words spread over 81 questions in about an hour a reference enough to do that?

***

Are you still here? Are you still waiting for me to wish you a great weekend like is the custom? Can you sympathize with me if I say that it is hard to do so talking in questions? Will you accept a promissory note saying that I'll wish you one in another post tomorrow? And, by the way, are you afraid that that post is also going to be like this?

Stabilized Repetition (5 things - Week 77)

Before we get down to business, there's some congratulations in order for all of us - for the team effort which saw this blogsite cross another milestone, garnering 10000 views since it's inception. Started in 2011 as the third blog in my arsenal, this one briefly thrashed about like a fish out of water, died, then rose like a phoenix early last year, and has been flying high ever since. Thank you for that!!!

***

Welcome to a brand new Weekend!!! And boy did I miss them. A weekend becomes a weekend only when you are cooped up in an office for the preceding five days. And in those terms, this is my first such weekend since early December last year. And boy did I miss them. I think I said that already. Who cares, I really did miss this weekend feeling a lot.

The anticipation of the upcoming weekend is what keeps the mind sane during the week. Even though most weekends are the same and mostly repetitive, that doesn't make them boring in any sense. The repeated repetition is not something which makes it mundane. The iterative deja vu is something you get used to.

And as per the laws of control systems, this is how you acquire stability - when you get the same result over a long period of time. You would think that repetition and stability are by themselves bad things, but then you are too young to yearn for them. Once you get to a certain age - something I believe I had reached a long time ago - all you want is this repetition, this stability, this boredom.

Take for instance my nephew, Ambadi. I've lost count of the number of times he repeats what he's doing for what seems like an eternity. All of three years, he is yet to know the nuances of life. But even with the endless possibilities and discoveries to be made, he dedicates his time to repetition. I remember the day he was given a kiddie lunch box. It had three compartments which could be taken apart and put together. I showed him how to do it, and he just sat there for three hours straight doing it again and again. I am waiting for him to grow up so that I can get to know the thought process behind such behaviour.

And talking about repetition, whatever takes the effort to repeat in our life is never to our satisfaction. Just think about how great our lives would have been if we could relive the best days of our lives. It's true that it might leave a sort of groundhog day effect on us, but still who hasn't thought of going back to college once more. Those were the best days of my life. And by what my friends who are/were pursuing higher degrees claim, one of the reasons why they are/were doing it.

If you ask me where I'm going with all this, I just don't know. I had all these thoughts inside of me, and you have been a kind ear to me all along. If by some twist of fate, these ramblings induce some great thought in you, I'll be humbled. That is afterall the purpose of writing - not to sow the seeds of curiosity and questioning into the mind's landscape, but to act as a fertilizer, as a contributor which will enable the mind to explore its boundaries.

As for the "5 things" for this week, we'll look at some of the Stabilized Repetition we have come across.

***

1. Onam celebration in Thiruvananthapuram

I had written a little about this. The celebration is over a week long. It has the city all decorated in lights, the main ground filled with joy rides and people, and it ends with a procession through the city. I've been going to this for eight years, and it has always been the same rides and the same route. But each year, the crowd's more and more.

2. Marriage

Introducing to you the flagship of Stabilized Repetition - the institution of marriage. That's all.

3. Weekends

Like I said before, weekends are the prime example of repetition being not boring.

4. My loo routine

At the public loos that I've to visit often (like at office), I always have a favourite stall when I go to the loo. I had decided mine at my new office by the end of my first day. Not only do I have a favorite one, I've a top three - you know just in case the first one is busy. It's crazy I know, but I sort of find some peace in this. Figure that out.

5. THIS!!!

Blog. Every week. 77 weeks. Repetition. Stability.

GOD!! You people must have got sick of me saying that so much. Jokes aside, I'm happy that a simple request back in March 2013 has resulted in so many people hating me.

***

Nothing much to add on all that really. I'll most probably have a request to make to you people next week. We've about 110+ posts on the blog and there are plans to expand the blog's audience. The said plans are currently being worked on by my marketing manager. Being a non-profit organization (look around, there are no ads), I hope the manager is willing to accept [goodwill/a hand of friendship] and [a pat on the back/a hug] as remuneration.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

are you HAPPY now??

This post has been sitting there in the "Drafts" section for over a year now. I was confused about the topic when I started writing it. I think I've finally had the closure to write it completely. Enjoy!!

***

If you ever face a life or death situation, and if in such a situation, if the chances of you surviving depends on correctly identifying the being in front of you as human or not, by asking it just one question, ask it,

"Are you satisfied with your life?"

If the answer is NO, then its human.

Of course, you could have asked it "Are you human?" and got a straight forward answer, but then this example won't help me prove the basic point I'm trying to make. This is on top of the fact that we are ignoring one of the most basic, universal traits in humans - the tendency to not say the truth.

But we are digressing. I intended to let you see the point that us humans are never satisfied with what we have. I had always thought so, but over the past few weeks, I got more examples depicting this and defecting from this.

Here I give you the three kinds of Humans, according to me.

** I have not used any name for the characters here. These are my close friends. I don't want to unnecessarily drag them into this topic. Whatever levels of apparent satisfaction I derive for them from their actions are arbitrary, and only for giving you an example. I'm not advocating that their actions are good or bad. **

***

The Go-Getter

This friend of mine comes from my own college, has worked at a reputed company, did an MBA from a distinguished college and is now working for huge bucks at another reputed company. Each of those four achievements would have individually ticked off the ambitions of many an individual. But this person goes one step ahead and is now preparing for the administrative services.

That's all you need to know about that person. Now, consider a person in a category like this. With each subsequent step, they try to go one up. Their drive has to be acknowledged and appreciated, but I have a nagging feeling that if you continue in this trend, you'll never be satisfied with what you've achieved. And as long as you are not satisfied, you may not be happy. Do note that I'm working on a lot of ifs, buts and maybes; and that it might be the case that this person wanted to be an IAS officer from a young age, but had to go through this route for some reason.

***

The Happy-go-Lucky

And there are people who do not know what they want from life, but are comfortable enough to let destiny/fate dictate the terms in which they live their lives. They would like to try different things, but are too lazy to do so. They are the sort of people who would start their reply with a "ehhh.." if you ask them what they want to be doing in 5 years.

Nothing much to say about these kind of people. External forces, call it Fate/Destiny/Peer or Parental Pressure, decides their life for them. I was one among them, then I changed to the next type in the series.

***

The Content Man

There is this other friend of mine from college. He first decided to work; then decided to try his hand at the GATE for an M.Tech degree; then decided to bell the CAT for an MBA degree; finally cursed the Indian reservation system, and moved on to try his hand at GRE for an MS degree. He applied at many colleges and for their related scholarships. It was at this moment that he got a call for an interview from a reputed government organization, based on IES exam he had cleared nearly two years before.

And, against his current dream, he aced the interview, much to the comfort of his ego. Two months after he joined there, he got an admission with scholarship offer from a German university, which was his dream 3 months before.

And then, he decided not to go for his dream. His reasons were “The new work is okay. People are impressed that I work here. My friends are here, family is near. I know my dream is doing an MS, but then I’m doing good over here. Why change? Even if I want I can go next year.” And he made a decision to stay at his job for at least one more year in June 2013.

But now, he would be reading this post from Germany, where he is acing his classes for his M.S. degree. He felt he was being more "Happy-go-Lucky" in sticking to his job here. He wanted to be the content man. So, he took the "Leap of Faith" in July 2013 by going for his MS degree.

Now, think about this guy. Due to a multitude of reasons (none his own), he kept changing his dreams because he wasn’t able to achieve the one before. But he always had an aim - in this person's case, to study. That's the hallmark of a content man. He has an aim. And he strives only to achieve that.

***

***

Now you have seen the three categories of people - one who keeps chasing dream after dream; another who has an aim and goes for it; and another kind, who'll just go along with the flow.

Everyone will go through being each of those at a different points in their life. Like that person I mentioned above, you'll always have a choice to change from one to another. And what you do with that choice, coupled with your circumstances that define the choice, will determine how happy you are with your life.

So, which kind are you know? The go-getter, the content man or the happy-go-lucky guy? And which kind do you want to be?

If you ask me the latter question, the answer would be The Content Man.

I've grown tired of doing what life tells me to do, but I don't want to live my life chasing one dream after another. I want to have an aim in my life, and I want to stop answering to "where do you want to be in 5 years?" with a "ehh..".

And more than anything, I want to achieve that aim - the aim of being a content man.

It's getting Personal (5 things - Week 76)

"Write something personal every week. It keeps people interested in what you are writing."

Words of wisdom from a friend of mine. And I can't refute that thought. It's true that people prefer to read about personal things. That's the reason why those rags which print news about the personal lives of famous personalities are so rampant.

Not to say that everyone's like that. People like to read prose too. But prose is always more interesting when it has a story to tell. And like that friend of mine opined, my "5 things" series is a bit stale in that respect. And I agree to that too.

What has to understood though is that this series is meant to be like this - devoid of any kind of story or thread. This series keeps my writing skills sharp, so that when I do have to write a prose with story, I'll be better equipped to do so.

Like we found out this week, when over a train journey back home, I was "inspired", by some events which unfolded, to write a piece on handing over of things. And it was that post - "Handover Forms", which made my friend make that above comment.

Now, as this has been a busy week, you'll have to make do with a filler post, where I'll be listing out some prose with stories that have already been written here. Shall we begin?? Do remember to click the links and go read the whole article.

***

1. Right next to her

A simple story on God answering your prayer and letting you sit right next to that cute girl you met, as you start your journey home.

2. Ormayundo?

The post which has been viewed the most in this blog.

3. The Ultimate Peer Praise

What is the Ultimate Peer Praise that a guy can get from another guy?

4. Meenutti

The first post on this blog. A work of fiction, which is actually fiction (considering the other fictions from me are mostly extrapolated personal experiences).

5. The Last Wish

Like I've already mentioned a lot of times before, this will always be the best prose I've ever written. My tribute to my grandfather.

***

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Handover forms

The following story is entirely fictional, a work of my imagination and is in no way related to any similar events unfolding at any place right now.

***

It's not often that Venu decides to humor us with anything personal, so we were all ears when he started off on this one the other day. Over our weekly catch up session at the cafe, he was talking about his latest boss.

As bosses go, this was quite the queer one. He was well abled to lead a team and he did it quite sincerely and successfully. We did know that Venu had some problem with him, but what exactly was the reason for it was unknown until he started this rant that day.

"Since my last promotion, my only area of concern at the office was to handle the inventory. All the equipments and tools required by the various departments are stored at my warehouse. And these departments give request for these things to me and I allot it to them."

"The problem came when two departments needed the same thing. If I had already allotted it to one, the other department would hold me responsible for any delay in work. We stated pre-booking, but it increased the workload on my staff."

"I asked my higher officials to make this whole system online so that all departments can view who is using what, and pre-book equipments, and so plan their work."

"But like with all government institutions, nothing happened. Being a little adventurous, I ventured to make the system myself. And bit by bit, over five years, I made the system and implemented it successfully."

"It's easier for a person to cough out a complaint than a praise. And so the only accomplishment of the work I had done was the obvious lack of complaints."

"I confess that it was more for my fascination, my satisfaction and my ease of work that I did this. And so the fact that I didn't get much recognition for the work didn't hurt me that much."

"And so when my new boss came in one fine morning, saw this system and blatantly asked me for the code so that he could change it and present it to his seniors as his own work, I felt quite righteous to be irritated by the request."

"Not only was I not recognized for the work, the fact that I was asked to give up my entire effort as if it was their property, made me angry. I refused."

"He is now pestering me daily for the same. And even though I keep saying no in very clear terms, he keeps coming back, without any shame."

"Just think about that. This system is like my child - something I gave life to, I nurtured, brought up - and now this guy comes in asks me to give it all up."

"I won't give it up. It's unethical, against moral, indecent and preposterous."

After a brief pause, he asked us.

"And you all agree with me too, right??"

We all nodded in the affirmative, and I guess that's all he wanted from us. A token of support.

The talk turned to more mundane things, and we all decided to call it a day soon after. Ravi was dropping me off. He was more pensive than usual and my curiosity got the better of me, as I asked him what was on his mind.

"You know that I had gone to meet her parents last week right. Well, I didn't tell you the whole story. There was one thing, which I felt was a negative, till Venu shared his story today."

"That entire day her father was acting weird around me. He was around everyone else, but was not ready to accept my presence in his home. He wasn't making eye contact, he wasn't asking me anything, we hardly shared anything more than the customary greetings."

"But at the same time, to be in line with the traditions, when her grandfather asked him whether he accepted me as her husband, he publicly, and quite whole heartedly, have me his word of acceptance."

"The paradoxical nature of his behavior was confusing me till today. But like our Venu and his system, he has spent more than two decades bringing up his daughter. To say that she is the eye of his life would be an understatement."

"And here I was. Someone who wanted to take her away from him. But she loves me for the right reasons, and he knows that. So he finds himself in position where he doesn't know what to do."

"And what ails me most is what I'll do to prove to him that I'm worthy of his daughter."

I'm not an eloquent speaker or a deep thinker. But a thought occurred to me suddenly and shared it with him. They say God helps those who wants to be helped. And he chose to help Ravi by putting these words into my mouth.

"You can win over her father the same way Venu's boss can win over Venu - by proving that you can take care of the child with as much care as the parent."

A Non-NRK Onam (5 things - Week 75)

You don't know what you have until it's gone. That's very much the case with all NRK - Non Resident Keralite - in the case of things related to their homeland. With the festival of Onam beginning tomorrow, social media is already swelling up with 'missing/enjoying home/onam' by the said NRKs.

And for the first time in five years, yours truly is not on the list of the said NRKs.

The Onam that I used to have before my 'vanwas' to the North of India was pretty much uneventful. My family is not known to celebrate Onam as such. That isn't meant to be disrespectful to the festival, but a fact that was because the basic reasons of celebrating Onam was already satisfied at our place throughout the year.

Onam is traditionally a harvest festival. The story of 'Mahabali' is entwined with this very much. So, the festival is now celebrated as the homecoming of the Greatest King to rule over this land. And as in celebrating any festival, Onam calls for a gathering of all relatives and a sumptuous feast. But the problem was that most of my relatives live close by, and we are not that inclined to indulge in feasts. So, in the end, every day felt like Onam - or more to the point - Onam felt like any other day.

But all this changed once I left my homeland to the varied landscape of Delhi. Without the comforting sight of swaying coconut trees and crows in flight, the yearning for something resembling home is very high on each NRK's priority list. And celebrating Onam grandly in such faraway lands provide at least a temporary respite for them.

Everyone cleans up for the celebration. They make different types of "pookalam" - floral decoration. They put on their "onakodis" - new dress that is bought to wear for Onam. They practise "thiruvathira" - a dance form. They prepare the "onasadhya" - the feast. They gather everyone - from their locality, from their office, inviting friends of their friends, even complete strangers. And this is how a NRK celebrates his Onam. Not in all, but most cases, this celebration would also include copious amount of liquor of the foreign kind and beef fry of the homely kind.

Even though I was home for three Onams out of the four years that I spent at Delhi, I enjoyed my NRK Onam more than the one at home. Playing the role of guests in 2010 & 2011 at IIT Delhi, in 2012 at Tomychan's and Sreekumarettan's places, then turning into hosts for 2013, holding the festivities at our own place with our own sadhya.

And we arrive at the Onam for 2014. And it's special - not just because it's one I'll celebrate at home, but because it is laying the foundation for an even better Onam in 2015. But even though there will be changes in the places, the people, the situation, etc etc, some things will always remain constant - things which make every Onam special. And for this week's "5 things", we'll revisit what was written last year - all these things which make Onam special.

***

1. Pookalam

Nothing, but floored Floral decoration.

2. Onasadhya

Please don't be alarmed. This is only the minimum required accompaniments.

3. Onakodi

4. All the people

5. Mahabali

***

Malayalis might right now think of Onam more in terms of discount sales and exchange offers. To anyone talking about Onam, my mom (having learned it from some comedy show) says "Onam is when you can exchange anything, but your parents."

But Onam is a lot more than that. The true meaning of Onam lies in the above mentioned "5 things". Onam is about being creative, about having delicious food to eat, about having brand new clothes to wear, about sharing all these with your near and dear, about remembering an age of unmatched governance.

After this, I plan to go out and see my city decorated with lights and sights. In the company of my friends, without the thought of an impending departure casting a dark shadow over every bright moment, I'm going to enjoy this year's Onam in all its splendor that this land has to offer. This Onam will be the first one that I celebrate knowing the true essence of the festival. In a way, this is my first Onam in Kerala.

***

In case you are interested in further reading about Onam, I would recommend you to visit the following link, where the author describes the onsadhya in minute detail.

http://www.cucumbertown.com/gods-own-feast-ival-onam

***

pullikalli

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend and an even better Onam!!

'til next week.