Expectation vs REALITY (5 things - Week 81)

In the multiple interviews that I've attended over the past year, I've made sure to point out to the panel that I'm an avid blogger. Not just an avid blogger, but also a compulsive one at that. The fact that I always write and publish on Friday nights and that too with a track record of 81 weeks now is something I make sure that they find out by the end of the interview. At this point, I get the question that I had been expecting all along.

"How do you do find time for this, while discharging your other duties?"

If I had become the evil mastermind I tried to be, I would have done my patented evil laugh. Why you ask? Well, the deer walked right into the lion's den. The worm slithered into the mouth of the bird. The wind blew into the sails. The sun shone right on the installed solar panels. The....... uh.. Okay. I'm falling short of more analogies. You get the idea, right?

Well, for that question, I've my stock reply. I'm not releasing it to the public, as it is an active instrument of mass impression in my arsenal. I'll reduce it to just an idea though - efficient time management.

Well, that is the expectation at least. If you ask me whether the reality is that I started writing this at 9pm on a Friday evening, I will never admit to it. Because reality is never as enticing as the expectation.

And for the "5 things" for this week, we'll look at five such "Expectation vs Reality " scenarios. Shall we begin then?

***

1. My Interview MO

As was mentioned before.

2. Food poisoning

When we hear someone has been poisoned, we think of them having seizures, falling down senseless with foam frothing at their mouth. So, it is something similar that we expect when we hear for the first time the phrase 'food poisoning'. It's not until we understand what they actually mean do we imagine them running to and fro from the bathroom.

3. Point No.3

Your expectation is for me to give you a third point. But the reality is that I won't.

4. An SMS conversation that happened four years ago.

*Kadu is the acacia forest in our campus which was the usual hangout spot for everyone in college.

"I took out my mobile and typed, "aliya.. whr u?? i'm in kadu.."

Sent it to everyone in my gang.. And dis is d chat tht happened aftrwards..

Jaison - I'm in class patti.. Why the heck did u cut class?

Me - Oh.. oru mood illa.. I cant sit in his class without fallin asleep..

Ponni - da.. i'm comin.. wait.. i'm near post office..

Jaison - Ivide padippichu thallukaya.. wht u gonna do thr??

Me - Ponni's comin.. Gonna play cricket..

Jaison - Ponni's in lab manda..

Me - He got out early.. othrs comin too.. :P

Jaison - dey.. think he's endin class now.. come n get attendance..

Me - I'm thr in one minute..

All this wud hav made more sense if it had happened atleast two months before, not today afternoon..

Atleast if,

Jaison waasnt in pala,

Ponni wasnt in Bengalaru,

and I wasnt sittin in the cafeteria in my office.."

5. Parent's height

It was something that I noticed this week. We had grown up from an young age looking up at our parents. And it wasn't until I was mentally comparing my height with my parents earlier this week that I realized that even though I could physically measure and prove that I'm taller than them now, in my mind they will always be taller than me.

***

Not much else to say really. A tinge of fever and more than enough servings of backpain, I was given the opportunity of availing my first leave at the new job. This is the first fever I'm having in over a year. To paraphrase what someone said in some movie, it seems like my body was waiting for me to get a job so that I would take a leave to take care of it.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Pet-ty Things (5 things - Week 80)

So, when I told him that today's post is inspired by the antics of a three year old, I was expecting a taunt to the tune of "stealing candy from a baby". I wasn't disappointed.

"Let me just get this straight. You are telling me that you are ready to stoop so low in your rampant plagiarizitation* in the name of writing every week, that you are now stealing ideas from a child."

*copyright pending. will be soon added to the Oxford dictionary.

Personally, I wouldn't call this stealing. It's not like my nephew confided in me the contents of this post. As a part of my duty of being a creative outlet, I observed him as he goes about his day. And, like I mentioned before, his antics, his reactions and his experiences  have inspired me to write.

Again, it's not like he is going to sit down and write about it. Although he has a significant command over the alphabets, and despite being highly imaginative, his works of prose and poetry are more in the vocal medium. It's something similar to the human evolution. We have heard that before any form of writing was professionally started, information was passed down generations by word of mouth and songs - voices notes, if I may say so.

By the time he is able to collect his thoughts into a coherent form to provide us with a visual treat, he'll have had outgrown his current mental state. The pure innocence, the ecstatic joys, the unbridled curiosity and the open mind of a child will be lost to the ways of this world. It's for this reason that observing a child in action brings you so much joy - they are aloof from the rules that bind us.

It's for the same reason that I admire people who are able to write stories for children. They have an acute sense of observation that leaves them with mindset of a child. Three such blessed minds are Enid Blyton, Richmal Crompton and R K Narayan (today happens to be his birthday). If you haven't read their books in your childhood, it is a loss. If you haven't read them even now, you are missing out even more.

So, what was the incident that flagged off this thought train? Ambadi, my nephew was down with fever last week. Even though he got better soon, he needed something to make him feel better. And to that effect, his parents took him to a local pet shop and got for him some more fish to put into the aquarium at home. You should have seen his face after getting them.

The subsequent enactments by him in this week were concerned with going to a pet shop, buying some fish, taking them home, putting them in the aquarium, and when it gets boring, taking them out, frying them and then cutting them into pieces. Oh!! And all fish, no matter what kind or quantity, are worth only two rupees.

More than these antics, what was more endearing was the way he reacted to these new additions to his life. Having pets is an important part of growing up, and it is something we, as city-bred children, have to do without. Or have to a very small extent. Like this.

And for the "5 things" for this week, we'll look at my misplaced attempts to be the owner of a pet. Shall we begin then??

***

1. Chicken

KFC!!!

Ok. Not that kind of chicken. The little colourful ones that we see heroines singing to in the movies. And these were my first official pets - about ten of them. When I first broke my leg, I was not even two years old. My parents used them to distract me from my immobility. Sadly, I don't remember anything about them.

2. Fish

One of the more common city pets. I find it hard to recollect the exact species we had, or why we had them, or what happened to them. You might think that this is a figment of my imagination, but I have definite proof in the form of a broken fish tank lying around in our storage room.

3. Rabbits

One day, my father came home with two rabbits. They were cute and cuddly and pooping everywhere inside the house. So, we put them in a cage outside. The dogs were kind enough to leave behind the rabbits' fur for us to find the next day.

4. Ducks

One day, my parents came home with five ducks. We were more cautious with them. So, they lived until they were too big for the tub we let them swim in. And one died of gulping down a fish too fast. We decided to let them go. We dropped them off at a farm.

5. Mittu

If you hadn't noticed, I've used a name for the first time. After years of struggle, my brother and myself were able to finally get a pet worthy enough to have a name. Mittu was the only dog I've ever had the opportunity to be close to, without my mind going into overdrive about whether the dog is going to bite me the next second. He came to us a pup, a cross between a Pomeranian and a common street dog. And he was quite the handful.

A joy to have around, there are videos and photos of him to prove to me that I did have a pet once. Once he reached a certain age (the "I am going to hump everything" age), we had to move him on, back to the place from where we brought him from. I couldn't, and didn't, make the journey to see him off.

***

I have intentionally left out a few cats we nurtured. Since they don't stick to one place, get eaten by dogs and leave scratch marks, I didn't mention them. Cutey and Curra [they were twins. Cutticura - get it??] were growing up in the empty plot next to our house, and we used to just sit at the window and watch them go about their day. That stopped once construction started in that plot also. Also, worthy of a honorable mention is the unnamed cat which was lost to the dogs.

***

When I got back home today, I came to know that Ambadi is down with a type of measles. But there is a silver lining. His dad went out and got him some company. At least he'll have a picture to remember them by,

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

All is One. One is All. (5 things - Week 79)

"Don't you have anything else to do?? Go study."

As a child growing up in India, that is one of the things you become accustomed to. Your parents keep saying it to you, no matter what time of the year it is. Let it be at the beginning of the education calender; at the end during the exams; or in the middle during the Xmas holidays; there will be no dearth of that command from the parents. So, it'll come as no surprise when I reveal that the "Pooja" holidays is the period of the year we all look forward to.

Why you ask? It's the only time of the year, nay, the only day in the whole year that you are NOT supposed to touch books, study anything or do anything studious as such. And it was such a grand day during our schooldays. We would plan well ahead as to which movies/cartoon shows we would watch on TV; who, where and when we could squeeze in time to play cricket; which computer games we would play once we got home; and with each passing year, we would continue to plot myriad other ways by which we could utilize this special day optimally.

Five years after last keeping my books for Pooja, I was planning to be a little more religious this time around. But due to the sincere efforts of Cough, Cold, Backpain & co, I was unable to do anything more than lie around in my bed. And as the festival season draws to a close, I lie here on my bed, thinking of the different ways this day is celebrated this year. And I share them with you as the "5 things" for this week.

***

1. Saraswati Pooja - Kerala

This is what I was telling you about.

"...the last three days of the Navratri festival, i.e. Ashtami, Navami, and Dashami are celebrated as Saraswati Puja. The celebrations start with the Puja Veypu (Offering for Worship). It consists of placing the books for Pooja on the Ashtami day. The books will be taken out for reading, after worship, only on the morning of the third day (Vijaya Dashami). It is called Puja Eduppu (Taking back after Puja). Children are happy since they are not expected to study on these days. On the Vijayadashami day, Kerala celebrates Vidyarambham also known as Ezhuthiniruthu or Initiation of Writing where children between two and three years old are formally initiated before they are admitted to nursery schools. The child is made to write for the first time on the rice spread in a plate with the index finger, guided by an elder of the family or by a reputed teacher. The little ones will have to write "Hari Shri Ganapataye Namah" and recite the same to mark the auspicious entry into the world of education...."

2. Kolu - Tamil Nadu

"There is a legend related to the exhibition of toys that is known as Kolu in Tamil Nadu. Since the goddess Durga needed tremendous power, all other gods and goddesses transferred their power to her and they all stood still as statues. To respect the self-sacrifice of these deities during the festival days, Hindus revere morities, which are small statues in the shape of particular gods and goddesses. Golu ends on Dasara."

3. Durga Pooja - West Bengal

"Durga Puja is an annual Hindu festival in South Asia that celebrates worship of the Hindu goddess Durga. It refers to all the six days observed as Mahalaya, Shashthi, Maha Saptami, Maha Ashtami, Maha Nabami and Vijayadashami. The dates of Durga Puja celebrations are set according to the traditional Hindu calendar and the fortnight corresponding to the festival is called Devi Paksha, "Fortnight of the Goddess". The festival marks the victory of Goddess Durga over the evil buffalo demon Mahishasura. Thus, Durga Puja festival epitomises the victory of Good over Evil."

4. Dussehara/Vijayadashami

"Vijayadashami also known as Dussehra or Dashain or Tenth day of Navratri or Durgotsav is one of the most important Hindu festivals celebrated in various forms, across Nepal, India, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh. The name Dussehra is derived from Sanskrit Dasha-hara literally means Dashanan ravan (Name of devil & in short Dasha and Hara (defeat)) referring to Lord Rama's victory over the ten-headed demon king Ravana."

5. Day of Arafa - Hajj

"The Day of Arafah (Arabic: يوم عرفة) is an Islamic Holy Day, in which the verse of the Qur'an was revealed which explained that is said that the religion had been perfected. The Day falls on the 9th day of Dhul Hijja (ذو الحجة) of the lunar Islamic Calendar. This happens to be approximately 70 days after the end of the month of Ramadan. It is the second day of the Hajj pilgrimage and the day after is the first day of the major Islamic Holiday of Eid ul-Adha. At dawn of this day, Muslim pilgrims will make their way from Mina to a nearby hillside and plain called Mount Arafa and the Plain of Arafa. It was from this site that Muhammad gave his famous Farewell Sermon in his final year of life."

***

***

So, why did I end with the 'Day of Arafa'? Well, to let you in on a little point I was introduced to today. The following observation came from my mother. She isn't claiming this to be the only truth/logic to explain the situation, but you have to wonder if this is that far from the truth.

"Look at that. It is such an auspicious day for everyone. Saraswati Pooja for us, Kolu for the Tamilians, Durga Pooja for the Bengalis, Dusshera for everyone. I read that today is Arafa for the people attending Hajj at the Mecca. This must be more than just a coincidence. I wonder if it was all just one special day for everyone at some point in time - where everyone celebrated one festival. And someone wanted to make themselves special and decided to split into another group. Like they do in our political parties all the time these days."

ALL is ONE. ONE is ALL.

P.S. I know that Arafa is calculated by the lunar calender and the Arafa might have easily been on yesterday, as it could have been on tomorrow.

***

Before I wrap up for this week, I would like to thank those brave souls, who with their sheer determination, read last week's "questionable" post. It takes some effort to read, and I thank you for taking your time to do so.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

Nice talking to ya!!!

"So, what you are saying is that you want people to come and talk to you?"

A lot of banter in the workplace is said to occur at the water fountain. It is not so at my office though, but that is mostly because of the fact that the water fountain is right in front of the restroom. So, people usually refrain from spending too much time at this specific locale at the office.

But that doesn't dither me from having this conversation right there. As I gulped down on a glass of water, I collected my thoughts on how to frame my reply.

"Yes"

"That's it? Just an 'YES!'. Come on man. You said you religiously follow this annoying thing. Now, you have to explain why you do it."

I have always been known for blurting out my secrets in public, but over the years, because of some very specific, bitter experiences, I have been compelled to curb that habit of mine. But seeing as to whom I was having this conversation with, I decided to let go of my better judgment. I actually wanted someone to take a through investigation of my theory.

"My theory to arrive at that conclusion is based upon my experiences. Whenever I have to initiate contact with someone, I feel awkward. I'm someone who has thought long and hard about personal space and absolutely values it. So unless I know that somebody is in such a mood so as to entertain my trespassing of their personal space, I feel uncertain about trying to strike up a conversation with them."

"That's a load of bullshit."

Ignoring that completely, I continued.

"Before the advent of the Whatsapps, social networking and phones, people  had only one way to contact each other - talk face to face. And believe me if you will, but it was one tough thing to do. You had to have guts to go up to that beautiful gal you know from college/work, and strike up a conversation. These days,  it's more of a guerrilla warfare kind of thing."

"Guerrilla warfare?"

"Yeah. You ping her at the place you stalk her, and wait for a response. It takes out the dangers of saying the wrong things; of having a prompt, unwelcome reply thrown at your face in public; of having your friends watch on as they wait to mock your impending failure; etc etc."

"So this applies to only talking to people of the opposite sex?"

No No No. I just used that as an the worst case scenario. Consider talking to someone you haven't talked to in a long time, like since school. Assume that you asked them about their school crush. It must be a decade after the event. You don't know how that ended for them. You are simply putting them in a bad situation. You will definitely end up having some pauses, some uncomfortable silences. You'll end up saying something and then regretting it."

"So?"

"So, I will say it again. Talking face to face to someone - anyone - takes a bit of courage, of having a mentality to efficiently tackle all the uncomfortable things that come up during the conversation. You can't log off, you can't risk a "seen at", you can't wait and formulate an apt reply. Everything is instantaneous, everything is risky."

"So what you are saying is that its cowardly to try and chat online?"

"No and yes."

<long pause>

"Should I prod you with a stick to get the answer out completely?"

"No, because I am not against people talking online altogether. It is an easy way to keep in touch with people and there is no need to get rid of it altogether. But one should make sure that it is not the only way that one keeps in touch with his friends."

"Yes, because if it is the only way you keep in touch with them, then slowly, a barrier is built. I believe that people always talk to each other standing behind a wall. They don't want to expose themselves completely in front of the other. You don't do that until you meet the one."

"So, while chatting online, in the language of short hand and smileys, you'll be building an extra layer of protection for yourselves. This makes you miss out on the actual feeling - their impetuousness, their tone of voice - which would have been easier to gauge if you had been talking to them in person."

"So you want people to use online methods to a lesser extent and start having actual conversations for a change."

"Yup."

"And you are only going to use direct methods for communicating with people from on??"

"That's what I plan to do."

"So does that mean you won't ping anyone in WhatsApp; poke them in Facebook; or send a chat in Gmail??"

"Precisely."

"So are you going to call or meet them and talk to them directly now??"

"Hopefully. I will have to build up the courage to break into another person's personal space though."

"So is your days of being an online stalker over?"

"I never said that."

"Haha. I should have known as much. Anyways nice talking to you. It's been great."

"Yeah. You are such a great guy."

"You are not so bad yourself."

"Haha.. Bye then."

"Catch you later."

As I walked away, I realized how much I had missed talking to myself.

Is this the Incoherent ramblings of an Incompetent Mind?? (5 things - Week 78)

Are we in the process of renaming the title of this blog??

If yes, can't we come up with something better?

If not, why did I say that?

Was it because this phrase was stuck inside my cerebrum for an extended period of time? Why then, had it not made its way out like the thousand other phrases that have come after it? Is it because of a bout of shyness? Fear of reproach from the general public maybe? Or is it something yet unknown, which kept the created masked from the audience?

Are you wondering why every sentence is a question today?? Are you getting annoyed by it? Are you getting irritated by it? If you are feeling either of those, can you pause to contemplate how it might be effecting me? What do think is my condition right now? What do you think my condition will be at the end of this post?

Are you thinking how many questions are going to be there in this post?? Would you like to calculate? Or would you like to know the answer to the first question in the paragraph only? If yes, would you please jump to the next paragraph? If not, did you know that, on an average, I write about 1000 words per post? And that the average sentence length will be something around 12? Can you calculate 1000 by 12 to find the average number of sentences per post?

Did you know that the people who decided to calculate what was asked in last question got an answer close to 84? So how many question are over already? Would you believe me if I said that this is the 24th question? Or would you like to go back and count from the beginning?

Are you wondering what I would get because of this perennial questioning? Is it a sense of achievement or accomplishment? Or is something more petty like payback or revenge? If so, a revenge for what? Is it because I was subjected to something similar during the day? If so, do you think I would risk an anti-climax by stating the reason for this before we reach the end of the post?

What else do you think we should talk about as we make our way over there? How about the weekly ritual of going through "5 things" for this week? What should be the 5 things for this week? How about I list out some words I always wanted to use, but couldn't; some things I always wanted to admit to, but didn't; because of a lack of appropriate situation? Shall we begin then?

Did you know that that was the only sentence which you might find in a run of the mill post over here - "Shall we begin then?"? Are you wondering whether it is right to use two 'that' consecutively as in the previous question? What if I tell you that it is correct from what I understand of the English language? Will you agree that it has more chance of being correct than 'recent future' as someone used the other day? Or are you confused about what is wrong with 'recent future' like that someone?

But seriously, shall we begin then?

***

1. Did you know that I always wanted to use the word 'hirsute' in a sentence?

Is it because the word fascinated me when I first came across it in my eighth standard textbook? Is it because the word wraps up in gift paper a generally disliked word like hairy?? Or are you wondering whether I have any kinky attraction to hairy things?

2. Did you know that I am not a bathroom singer?

And more importantly, are you aware that I sing when I ride my bike through this city of mine? Is it because I have less chance of being found out as someone who lacks basic rhythm and sense of music notes?

3. Did you know that I always wanted to punctuate my feelings on here with swear words?

And shall I inquire whether you will be offended by it? Are you wondering why I would like to use swear words? Are you hoping that it be some silly reason? Is 'to satisfy one of the conditions to cement my online personality's character as cool' a silly enough reason?

4. Did you know that online chatting is a fake?

Is it because the response is always having a time delay compared to real life conversation? Is it because the said time delay allows for one to contort his/her reply to mask their true feeling, so that they can cajole their conversation partner to do what they want from them?

5. Did you know that I'm an imaginative pessimist?

Should I give more proof to that? Won't this whole post suffice to make my point valid?

***

Are you aware that we are only on the 61st question? Will it be weird if I confess that I am wondering how I will push another 22 questions onto you? Shall I begin by finally explaining the reason for the style that has been adopted for this post?

Did you know that I am an Arsenal FC fan? And not just a fan, but a bit of a fanatic fan? Will you agree to my title if I say that I follow about 5 daily bloggers who write exclusively about Arsenal? Do you think that I will only be glad to admit that my own weekly blogging is inspired from the effort those writers are putting in? What if I told you that this style was also inspired in such a manner?

Would you like to read the article that is the source of this inspiration? Have you gone through that article? Did you read Tim apologize to Padgett Powel for copying his idea? Do you think I should apologize to them both? If you think I should, can you take this sentence as my apology?

By the way, can you fathom the effort that must have been made to write an entire book, only with questions? Will you believe if I claim that I can? Isn't the experience of having to churn out this blogpost having 1127 words spread over 81 questions in about an hour a reference enough to do that?

***

Are you still here? Are you still waiting for me to wish you a great weekend like is the custom? Can you sympathize with me if I say that it is hard to do so talking in questions? Will you accept a promissory note saying that I'll wish you one in another post tomorrow? And, by the way, are you afraid that that post is also going to be like this?