Engotta??

***

ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS EPISODE ARE FICTIONAL.

BUT IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAD AN EXPERIENCE LIKE THIS, PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM THAT I WROTE ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET.

***

STORY 1

***

He was known in his gang for being notoriously straight forward in his questions and actions. But the level of embarrassment he would have to face when he asked a simple question was beyond the ken of most of us.

He tried to spark a conversation with a comment, when he saw her coming his way. And he started with a pretty innocent question, "Engotta?" [where are you going].

She must still be ruing the fact that she humored his antics with an answer that day. She replied, "To the restroom."

Last week, we talked about questions that we should never ask. But we've had enough situations where we only realize the awkwardness of the question, only after we've asked it. And this was one such moment for him.

It was only after asking "Why are you taking your bag into there?", did he realize what the answer was going to be. Unfortunately, everyone near were tuned into the conversation, and there was no way that they could pretend like it never happened.

But of course, she pretended like no awkward question was asked and just moved along. And he?? Well, he turned around smiling, like he figured out the timetable for when the full moon was going to rise in the coming months.

***

STORY 2

***

He was waiting for her to come online. She was never this late to come online on any given working day. So, when she finally came online that day, two hours later than the usual timing, he couldn't stop himself from pinging her and asking about it.

HIM : "Why are you late today?"

HER : "DATE"

HIM : "Oh. With whom did you go for a date this early in the morning?"

HER : "No. not that date. The other date."

HIM : "................."

***

The idea for this blog came from the following article that I read.

Ladies Keeping Periods A Secret From Men Is Unnecessary

I recommend you all to read it. For the lazy ones among you, the gist of it is captured in the following words of the author,

"How about a world where every woman can freely tell their men counterparts about their totally natural and biological processes? How about a biology class where the topic of menstruation is not rushed through with giggles across the class? How about a brother going to the pharmacist and asking for a tampon, confidently? How about the pharmacist giving it without wrapping it up? How about my “modern day classmates” telling me the actual reason for missing that trip?’ "

Even though the instances I described were humourous, it would be wrong to just leave it at that. The near taboo level secrecy and shunning of women in their periods need to stop.

Well, that's all for now.

'til later.

You should have never asked that... (5 things - Week 58)

There are some questions, for which you would never like the answer of. There are some questions that you should never ask. There are some questions that are left unanswered in your mind. For this week, we shall go on and look at some questions like this, shall we?? But before that, the reason why this topic was chosen, and to know why we have to go back to the past Sunday.

Past week's blog had requested you to spend more time with your grandparents, and accordingly I made my way to my grandma's to make sure that I do my bit too. So I made the 10m foray next door, sat down with her, and was in a pleasant conversation with her about her past - her childhood, her early school days, what children used to do in those days and all.

At the end of that part of the conversation, I, being obsessive about the minimal details, was curious to know exactly which years these "those childhood days" were. And again, I, being the complete moron that I'm, instead of asking her "Which year was that?" asked her "When were you born?"

Well, if I had a wish to see my grandma angry, I had got my wish. Unfortunately, I didn't have such a wish. So I had to sit through a complete tiding down from her, the kind I hadn't got in the past decade. But in between all this she mentioned something which got me thinking, and that was how this post was born.

She said, "... there are some things you should never ask  a woman - her age and her weight. And there are something things you should never speak about, even if you are asked - how much you earn and what your future plans are."

And that's how we have reached here, on the 399th day of this conversation. So, let's get on with the "5 things", shall we?

***

1. "Isn't that baby ugly??"

Never ever EVER ask this out loud. No matter how ugly the baby is, no matter how close you are to the person you are asking it to - this is a question that will never yield a answer other than "How could you even think like that about a little baby?". For that one reason, this question should be archived in the deepest corner of your mind (along with other unasked, unanswered questions like "What is the eyebrow good for?" and "Is there another word for synonym?".

2. "When's yours??"

This is a question most of my friends have started getting at the various weddings they attend these days. "When's yours?" will remain a perennial question of your marital status, until you find someone as fed up of the question as yourself. And it is a question you should never ask; if you can avoid it. After all, why should you pressurize them into marriage?? Like a friend of mine said, "Don't drive them into marriage like cattle into a pen. Let them choose when and why and whom by themselves."

3. "When's yours??"

No, this is not a mistake. If in the previous scenario, the question was asked by the older generation to the young ones at a wedding; in this scenario, this is the question that the young generation tries hard NOT to ask the older generation at funerals. As long as the older generation refrains asking the question in the first scenario, they are safe from facing this scenario. There's an incentive that'll entice the old ones.

4. "What's that written on your t-shirt?"

It might be just the curiosity in you that is making you ask such a stupid question, but that is no excuse for asking this question of a t-shirt that is worn by a gal. And it makes the situation a lot more worse, when you go on repeating the question, instead of understanding why she's ignoring the question in the first place. AND NO!! This is not from a first hand experience.

5. Do you watch porn?

Let it be known, to all of mankind, that this is a stupid question to be asked to anyone. It's pretty useless when it's asked between members of the same sex. Men know the answer to it, and I don't think women would ever ask such a question among themselves. And when this question is asked from one gender to another, well,  the men - they won't accept they have seen it; and the women won't admit that they've even heard of the word. So, it's better left unsaid.

***

***

Well, that's all for this week.

Hope you have a great weekend. I would have preferred to meet you in the comment sections, but I know you are busy.. :p ;)

'til next week.

Something deep (5 things - Week 57)

After two consecutive weeks of talking about weddings, we are going to keep going on the same subject. This week we'll go on a little journey through the wonderful institution of marriage...

Hope you didn't believe all that. Even if you are interested in another article on the topic of weddings, you will most probably have to wait for some time. Today, we are going for something different. This week, there was an allegation against the posts here, although it might have easily been a suggestion. It was argued that there hasn't been a philosophical post, or, as it was put to me, something 'which stroked the embers of the mind'. Well, here it is. Something deep for you to ponder.

Last week, I mentioned [again] that 'The Last Post' is something which is very dear to me, as it recounts my last significant interaction with my grandfather. But there is an epilogue to that story too. And she's continuing her life.

I don't think anyone would have ever classified my grandmother to be physically fit in the entirety of her life. I've seen their wedding photo and she looked as thin then, as the day I first remember her from. But she was a strong willed woman, and no one would even argue about that. Even though she looked frail, she was adamant about doing the household chores, and about taking care of her husband's needs. But the day my grandfather chose to leave us, the air was knocked out of her sails.

She has never been the same after that. In one day, she was drained of the drive which kept her going. Nowadays, she complains that she can't even walk about properly. Even though old age might have something to do with that, I believe his presence would have mitigated the effects to a large extent.

Yesterday, when I went to meet her, I started to complain to her about the fact that I've been kept very busy of late by my commitments, and how I wish there were more than just 24 hours in a day. To this, she replied she rather would cut it down by a few hours. And it was then that I thought of how she's living her life these days.

Without a specific aim or endpoint in sight, she's just going through the motions. Waking up, sitting around, having food, taking a nap and watching some TV serials are the main events of her average day. There will be some deviances provided by the irregular flow of her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchild.

All other moments are spent by her thinking of when the next event will start, and about how she'll continue doing this the next day. I guess one of the reasons she keeps doing this is the said great-grandchild and me. Him because he is continuously buzzing around the house, keeping her spirits high with his antics. Me, because she missed seeing her grandchild getting married the last time. Since my grandfather passed away ten days before the wedding, she had to miss the actual ceremony. I hope she is in the best of health for mine.

I've described this whole situation just because of one thing. Your grandparents might also be in the same situation. Even though they understand that we live a busy life, it doesn't mean that they wouldn't welcome a chat with us. So, if you can, understand their situation too, and share a moment with them everyday. It's the least you can do for them.

And, if there is a thing called KARMA, then at least, this token of kindness would hold good for you in your old age.

Anyways, that's all the deep stuff in this post. For the '5 things' for this week, we'll go through some of the things they have taught me in life.

***

1. A story she told me recently.

My grandfather was dark skinned. When it was time for him to marry, he kept only one condition - that the bride should be fair skinned. After marriage, my grandmother asked him, what he would have done if she had said no to him. He replied, and I quote, 'I knew you wouldn't.'

2. Patience is a virtue.

My grandfather was the epitome of patience. And he was a well liked personality because of that. Nothing could faze him. Even if one of us went against what he said, he would not try to compel us to do it his way. He'll advice us once, maybe twice, then leave it for us to figure it ourself.

3. Mahabharata and Ramayana

In the early 2000s, we had consistent power cuts, so much so that they scheduled it for half an hour everyday. And before my cousin decided to break the eerie silence with the wailings of her violin, my grandfather used to recount to us the epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana. And it was a jolly good time for a story loving young boy.

4. Reserves of strength

My grandmother's physical health was always the same. But the way she took care of him speaks about the reserves of strength she was able to find. And right now, when everything around me is a bit of a blur, that is something which I lean back on.

5. Value of time

Again, I've already talked about this. It's true that you should live like you are going to die today. But make sure you plan for your future, for your retired life. Because when all this is done and dusted, you'll end up watching the second hand of the clock move along.

***

Just because I said that we will talk about something else doesn't mean that there won't be anything on marriage in here. Here's a well taken short video on the concept of "Arranged Marriages" in India. Have a laugh, and then start contemplating on the situation we all are in..

***

***

Well, that's all for this week.

Hope you have a great weekend. I would have preferred to meet you in the comment sections, but I know you are busy.. :p ;)

'til next week.

Weddings Happen too (5 things - Week 56)

Well, as per the reports, and the pictures, that I was able to gather, the Wedding last week went off great. And the after effects have begun to present themselves. Within a day of the wedding, both the culprits were found to have changed their profile pics in Facebook to the SAME PICTURE. I'm not saying that it is a crime, but I never expected them to become this single-minded so soon.

I was actually planning to award them the 'Least irritating Happy Couple I know' rolling trophy, but just because of this act, they will have to share the trophy with it's previous owners - Mr. and Mrs. Gulf. I think the story of my first meeting with the Gulf family warrants a separate post, and hopefully that'll find its place here soon.

Anyways, here's something for both the happy couples.

Talking of happy couples and weddings, there seems to a lot of that when I open my facebook page these days. Engagement notifications, marriage invitations, 'in a relationship' statuses are aplenty these days. And it is to be expected at the very least. Afterall, the average age of my friends will be around 25 years old. As per convention and/or tradition, that's the soon-to-past-prime-age for girls and the soon-to-hit-prime-age for the guys.

But in between all this, the most interesting thing is something else entirely. As perfectly explained in the above image from TWISTEDDOODLES, I can only think of them as they were, when I last interacted with them. And that varies from last week to last decade. That would be at a time when they could be called immature. And marriage is said to be the institution which pushes you into the realm of maturity.

This is the period in their lives when they are supposed to change from being the young, unbridled guy, laughing at typos and fart jokes; to the serious, calculated mature person, who talks about news and other boring stuff. This is the period in their lives when they are supposed to change from being the gal on the lookout for earrings which match with the design on her sandals, to the one who smiles and treats the guests at their home to delicious delicacies, while talking about the latest development in that serial they all watch.

And so, you won't be surprised if I find it more than amusing at how these friends of mine will handle the added responsibility of being a spouse. For this week's post, we'll go through a few special characteristics of those immature friends from the past, who are already at/on the cusp of something wonderful.

***

1. Immaturity

First up is the one thing they must say goodbye to as soon as possible. If, in an unfortunate turn of events, their spouse had also forgotten to say goodbye to this malaise, then it creates unnecessary tensions at home. Maturity, here in such a situation, will be the ability to accept the immaturity of the other, understanding that it is only so, cos of them being impetuous. Maturity here will be the act of trying to help the other get away from their immature behaviour.

2. Patience

More than showing patience for their spouse, their reserves of patience would be severely tested after they have kids. I've seen enough examples already. But I guess that is not something they've to think about so early in their married life.

3. Craziness

Don't confuse this with immaturity. Being immature is not a choice. It's a part of the journey of life. It's only by being immature that people understand the value of being mature in their life. But being crazy is a choice. You know what you are about to say/do is not sane, but you still go through with it. And it's the transformation of the truly crazy ones among my friends, which has left me baffled.

4. Chalu/Poor Joke

Come on. Tell me that you have one friend, who hasn't, in all of their life, cracked a poor joke, or as we Keralites lovingly call it, CHALU. And these friends of mine will have to bid goodbye to this part of their life.

5. Personal Space

There are people out their who value their personal space way too much than required (YES I MEANT YOU!). And I'm extremely eager to find out how they will react to having someone with them 24/7.

***

On top of all these, there are tons and tons of things you have to get along with and find a common ground for. In the wise words that Mr.Gulf shared with me,

"In Marriage, everything is a potential problem. From the amount of sugar in the tea to the speed of the fan in the bedroom. It's all about adjusting and adapting. And the best thing is when you see your other, accommodate for you too."

***

Before I sign off today, I've a little request. And before that request, I would like to thank you for reading and promoting last week's post so avidly that it broke into the Top 5. But even as ironic as it seems, I didn't like that, only because of one reason. The post it replaced in the Top 5 was the 'THE LAST POST'. Those of you who have read it must know the emotional attachment I have to that post. It was the way a grandson found closure after his grandfather passed away suddenly.

I've gone on record many times saying that it is the best prose that I'll ever write. And my request to you, in case you haven't read it, is to read it once more, and allow me the guilty, satisfying pleasure of having it back in the Top 5 here also.

Here's the link to that post.

http://husemeplz.blogspot.com/2011/06/last-wish.html

Well, that's it for this week.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

'til next week.

Accidents Happen (5 things - Week 55)

Accidents are unexpected. Ask my neighbour who was in one this week. He was making his usual 0 to 60 kmph sprint in the 50m long road on his Honda Activa. The accident came at an unexpected moment from an unexpected car turning in from the other end. Needless to say, his vehicle had a collision with that car. This accident had a very painful ending for him.

But not all accidents are painful. Take true love for an example. A good friend of mine defined it as such, while we were discussing the probability of the existence of true love,

'True love is never going to happen at first sight. It is something which happens to you - at the most unexpected moment, from the most unexpected source.'

From this definition, you could almost say that true love is nothing, but an accident. It is always a coincidental meeting of two people's destinies.

Two of my good friends met in such an 'accident' nearly three years ago. And they are getting married to each other tomorrow.

If you had read the very first post in this series, "5 things I learned this week (Part 1)", for the point no.3 I had written...

"Did you know...

...that it is possible for Gabbar Singh and Phoolan Devi to have a relationship?

Gabbar Singh (fictional character from the legendary movie “Sholay”) and Phoolan (real life character from our crappy life) are well known protagonists of their own evil, wicked stories. Both are similar in most aspects of their life, are egoistic and would take any step necessary to win their own battle. This led me to think that they can’t be a couple (without having a counselor telling them to calm down every 5 minutes). Well, apparently, they can be a couple. And I’m happy for them. 

That was a personal rant, and if you didn’t understand it, please be pleased to know that the people it was meant for, understood it."

You don't have to be an ace crime solving sleuth to put two and two together here. The Gabbar Singh I was talking about was Mr.Alok M D, and the Phoolan Devi was none other than Ms. Ratika Chauhan. I wish them both a very happy, long, prosperous married life. I know that my absence at your wedding is the worst thing I could do to you people, but you both have still understood my situation. Thank you for that. :)

And "2 States" the movie couldn't have been released at a better time. The cross country cultural differences are aplenty and have been explained to death in various forums, so I won't be going into those again over here.

For the five things for this week, I can't figure out any sh*t to write about. Alok wanted me to write a post about him, but I think the best I could have written has already been written in "Thank God for Amnesia".

"

This summer has taken from me the one constant I've had here in the past three years. I've always said that he was the older brother I never wanted, but still, if you want me to make it look like the Batman dialogue - "He is not the brother you want; he is the brother you need."

After I've forced myself to change, I'll have to confront the reminders of good old times. Whenever I walk into MGF and hear that Black Eyed Peas song on the loop; whenever I see the infamous Lee Cooper Tshirt; whenever I feel like doing something stupid; whenever I feel like saying FUAH to someone; when I try to teach someone else the language of LLUMA; whenever I try yo make someone notice the chick near us by telling what o'clock she is to him; I'm gonna be reminded.

"

I guess I just recounted the main memories we had.

1. The vast expanse of MGF Metropolitan Mall and that Black Eyed Peas song.

2. My infamous Lee Cooper Tommy Hilfiger Tshirt.

3. Stupid things were aplenty. Like that day we went out for a walk in the park, got into a bus just cos I dared you to, and we ended up looking for a way back home from the Malls at 11pm.

4. All the acronyms we made up to help us curse each other faster.

5. The ingenious language of LLUMA by which we identified SLLUMA and SLAMU.. ;)

Through all those times you showed patience in not killing me with a single for all the stupid things I did and said; through all those times I had to drag you home drunk, we had a great time over there.

You've matured a lot since she came into your life, surpassing everything I thought you are capable of in life. You've both fought hard to make this happen and I know you both will keep fighting for it till the end of time.

Anna, I dedicate this post to you and your happiness. I hope she keeps driving you mad, and you keep on realizing why she was meant for you. 

***

***

That's it for this week.

You all have a great weekend.

'til next week.