5 things for this week (Part 24)

How would you rate a super villain?

Of course, you can rate him on a multitude of factors, that are entirely dependent on your arbitrary considerations. You can rate him based on the number of super powers he has; on the use and extent to which he is able to use them; on the number of people he has killed, his sense (or lack of it); on his ingenuity; on his cruelty; on his dressing; on the power of his anti-villain; and much more.

But like I said before, this is all arbitrary. And there is nothing more confusing than the state of being able to compare something to anything. It was to solve this basic conundrum that our recent forefathers decided to standardize the basic units of measurements, based on naturally occurring phenomenons. They had had enough of their forefathers telling them to measure length by the width of the king's palm, or the length of some unknown limb.

So, as you can see, we need to standardize our estimation for rating a super villain. And to make this easy, let me suggest to you a simple method. Let us see how the villain reacts to having to kill a baby.

To kill a baby would require the individual to be devoid of any sense of humanity. The most evil of the evil men we know have committed this crime. You want names?? How about Kamsa and Voldemort ??If you are saying that they are mythological/fictional, please bear with me for a few more paragraphs till I make my main point.

Try to remember the times when you watched NatGeo or Animal Planet. There, you had super slow-mo shots of the wild animals in their natural glory in the wilderness of Africa. You saw the lion chasing the buffalo, and you were amazed by the speed and tactics employed by the hunter to ensnare its prey. At this moment, the hunt happening on the screen enraptured you.

But what if the same lion was chasing a calf, instead of a buffalo. On whose side will you be on now?
I hope you answer rightly to that question.

And I don't think I have to explain why this act is such a heinous crime. A baby is the quintessence of innocence and naivety. He doesn't know right from wrong, and would have committed no act of consequence as of then. For me, to kill a baby would be the worst thing a person could do.

How many of you would believe me blindly if I said that this act is rampant in this world? You might have to think about this for a second or two, but remember that the acts of abortion is basically killing a baby, even before he/she has come into this world.

According to statistics available, about 80+ abortions take place per minute worldwide. In India, there is the special case of female foeticide, where pre-natal sex determination (which is banned) is used to abort female foetus. It is believed that over 500,000 girls are being lost annually through sex-selective abortions.

I can't stop someone sitting somewhere from carrying out this act, but I hope, I have given you a brief idea of how cruel this act is. Here's to sincerely hoping that none of us even have to think about abortion in our lives.

RANT OVER.

So, let's get back to the business of "5 things". That's what you are here for, that's why I'm here for. And this week, we'll base it on facts about Babies.

Let's begin, shall we??

Did you know...

1 ...that the number of bones in a baby reduces as he/she grows up??

A baby has 300 separate bones at birth, but by adulthood we have only 206. Many small bones, like in the skull, fuse together. Another example for that is kneecaps, since babies are born without kneecaps.

2 ...that a baby has the potential to be more intelligent than you??

By the time of birth, a baby's brain is made up of more than 10 million nerve cells. It’s downhill from here. So, theoretically, any given baby can grow up to be more intelligent than you, by controlling the number of nerve cells he/she loses.

3. ...that a baby knows its mother??

Well, this hardly qualifies as a fact. But I'm going to back this up with scientific looking facts, for which I have no proof.

• Babies are born with very poor vision but can recognize their mothers almost right away.
• Most babies recognize their mothers' voices when they are born, but take around 14 days to learn to recognize their father's voice.
• A baby’s strongest sense is smell and they can recognize their mothers by scent alone

4. ...that babies would love you to sing to them??

And not just the normal songs too. If you can pull off the high pitches, they'll be all the more grateful to you. Cos babies like hearing high-pitched singing voices.

5. ...that having a baby is a lot of trouble??

Even though it's pretty easy to make a baby, having one is an entirely different proposition. And I'm not talking about the labour pain.

A new baby usually deprives each of its parents around 350-400 hours of sleep in the first year. That is one entire nights sleep per week, per parent. Now, you don't have to wonder why that friend of yours, who is a new father/mother, is looking like a zombie.

***

Seems like I got something right again. The law of infinite possibilities clearly states that there is a chance for that to happen always, but I would be lying if I were to say that I wasn't surprised (and genuinely pleased) by the response I got to my last post. Thank you all for your nice comments, reviews and responses. This will, hopefully, allow me to beat the law of unavoidable crapness in my future blogs. In case you missed out on the post I'm talking about, you can read it at "...and another one fades away..."

***

Well, that's it for now.
See you all next week.
Have a great weekend!!!

...and another one fades away...

I've lost quite a few friends to external factors in the past year.. I lost one to his girlfriend, I lost one to marriage, I lost another to a government job, etc etc.. Right now, one is going to follow his dreams and the another one is off to Germany for higher studies..

If I were a musician, the rate at which I'm losing friends might have compelled me to write a song about friendship..

If I were the harisa of five years ago, he would have made a video with a sad song and group photos..

But this is the harisa of now.. And he can only write about it..

If you have watched enough movie award nights, and had paid attention to more than just the length of that actress's dress, you must be familiar with the concept of the "Special jury award". That award is given to that movie which was better than the rest, but not good enough to be the best.. A runner up, if you would like to call it so..

I try to be a friend like that.. You can't be the best friend of anyone you meet, but you can be a better friend to anyone.. It is to that end that I always strive for.. But that is not to say that I am irreplaceable to them or they are irreplaceable to me...

In these days of degenerating decencies, aided ably by the drive of egoistic individuals to excel at all costs, the fibers of friendships in the corporate world are made out of needs rather than goodwill. And the relationship stays non-sour as long as the needs of the two entities match.

I know I run the risk of looking like a douche bag for my rather objective way of analyzing the act of friendship. But please refrain from taking that view on my opinion. What I intent to put across to you is that the beginning of most friendship are based on needs. The need to find a roof over your head, the need to go out for a movie, the need to play a game of FIFA on your laptop, the need to cook something delicious, the need to have a good time, etc etc.

Such needs bring together strangers, and their combined experience determine if they remain so, or become friends. Every friend I've made have been made like this. And I'm pretty sure that if you are willing to look at it from a different perspective, you'll find that you've done the same too.

But when such a friend moves away, you will definitely wallow in sorrow for a time, and then realize that you can always make a new friend. That is one ugly truth in life. You are replacing the time you spent with your old friend with your new one. So, when I said that no one is irreplaceable, I meant that you will be replacing the time spent with the old friend, with the time spent with the new friend.

So what about the old friend? He/she was an integral part of you for a certain period of time, and you are always thankful to them for the changes they bought about in you. They might have left your immediate neighborhood, but you'll always try to keep in touch. And you would always be willing to welcome back.

In the end, the purport of this whole post is that, I'm saying my goodbyes and best wishes to a few more friends who'll be leaving my company for pastures anew. And, like any one of you, I'm on the lookout for a new friend, to whom I can be a better friend.

5 things for this week (Part 23)

I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to type this out.

When I was in the nursery (that would be over two decades ago), as I was learning to write the 26 alphabets of English, my teachers at school found it extremely difficult to make write the letter "B" correctly. For reasons unknown till now, I preferred to "draw" the letter "B" in an inverted manner.

It took an enormous amount of effort from one person to get me to write it in the conventional way. And that person is, for me, my first teacher. She is my mother.

Now, you would ask me why the people who taught me at the nursery weren't teachers to me. Anyone in this world can teach. All you have to do is know something, and then repeat the same to another person who does/doesn't know it.

But, in my personal view, a teacher should be more than what an hour of classroom teaching does. He/she should be able to contribute more than what the syllabus requires you to learn. He/she should have a genuine interest in developing the person they are teaching, they should be dedicated and they should inspire the student through their qualities.

Today, I'm going to look at five people, who I consider to be my teachers. What I learned from them shall be the "5 things" for this week.

Did you know...

1. ...that a teacher would lent you a rupee to express your glee?

Let me just make something clear here. I've never been exceptional at anything. And until a fateful day when I was in tenth, I wasn't told I was exceptional in anything. And the person who said that was my Mathematics teacher back then, Mrs.Mary Alexander.

Even though I had a knack for doing calculation and solving problems, I was never quite capable of omitting out mistakes from it. This led me to never having a perfect score in it, and by the time I reached tenth I was quite sure I would never be able to do that.

Then, in some inconsequential monthly test we had, I scored it. And as if to multiply the jubilant emotions in me, Mary ma'am said this before giving out the marks that day.

"Today, one person has scored full marks. I always believed he could do it, but he had to learn to cut out his mistakes. For this exam he had done that, and if he does the same from now, I'm pretty sure he'll always score like this."

I wrote that here knowing all too well that I might come across as a pompous snob, but my point is something else. Those words of her gave me the strength to believe in myself and my abilities. And needless to say, I was more attentive from there on, both in class as well as exam.

I would also like to mention another teacher here - Remadevi ma'am, who taught me Mathematics from 1st to 5th at KV Palakkad. She was the reason why I never thought of Mathematics as a tiresome subject.

Oh!! And about that one rupee. The one person who wanted me to cut my mistakes in Mathematics more than anyone else was my father. And Mary ma'am was kind enough to lend me a rupee to use the pay phone at school to call my father right then. and tell him of my proud achievement. Yes, I am that naive. :)

Thank you ma'am for doing that.

P.S. In spite of all this, I did make a mistake in my tenth finals. :D

2. ...that a single phrase from a knowledgeable teacher can leave you in awe over his/her prowess?

"Please allow me to introduce my digitorial extremities into your pulverised atom of tobacco box and therefrom extract a pinch of snuff to my nasal concavity."

I confess that this was said by Samuel Johnson, rather than the sir I am going to talk about. But when I went into his class to improve my English, I never expected to be welcomed by such a situation.

The topic of the day was the English Dictionary, and this Mr.Johnson is called the "Father of Dictionary". To give us an example of Mr.Johnson's ken on the English language, Sukumaran Sir used this sentence.

When you think about it, it means nothing more than "Can I have some of that tobacco?"

But the epic-ness of the sentence, coupled with the way he explained to me the various terms, made me fall in love with the language of English. If I am any good at this art of writing, it is because of him, and his library. If not, then it is only because I am a student not worthy of his master. Thank you sir for everything you've taught me.

3. ...that a teacher has the power to inspire you?

You must have seen a lot of the typical underdog Hollywood movies. There's a hero, he's good at something, he gets better at it, then his ego grows, there's a slight downfall, some drama, some "why can't he see what he is doing wrong?" moments. Then someone comes along, kicks him out of his slack, and makes him achieve his potential.

Well, if my life was such a movie, then I would be the hero (obviously), my skill set would be Mathematics, and my coach would be Jayadevan Sir. At a time, when I was soaring high with excellent marks in tenth, I had neglected Mathematics, as I thought I would ace it, no matter what. I found it to be the opposite case by the time I finished eleventh class. And for the first time in my life, I was not comfortable with the subject.

It was at this juncture that I got into Jayadevan Sir's class. He was the one who bought back the knack in me. He was the one to whom I owe the marks I got in Mathematics thereafter - in the twelfth, for the engineering entrance and then in the five semesters for engineering. He was the one who inspired me. He was the one who made me believe in my capabilities again. Thank you sir for that.

4. ...that a teacher can be both intimidating and invigorating at once?

If you have had the opportunity to be in a Physics class taken by Unnikurup Sir, then you would know what I mean. I was confused as to why my father made me join his class in spite of the fact people only had tales of arrogance and meanness to tell about him. But in retrospect, I'm glad that he did put me in the lion's den.

Sir had a distinctive style of teaching, a focused mindset on  how things should be done, and a unique way of teaching. The last part means that he just scares you into learning Physics. He guarantees, and I can vouch for the fact, that if you finish the entire course, you'll learn the subject. Thank you sir for that.

5. ...that a teacher can be found anywhere?

This is fact that I stress, both to my friends and myself.

I learnt to control my anger from a close friend, who himself has short temper.

I learnt to walk with my head held high, after an old man on the street advised me to do so.

I learnt to be more selfless, after watching another friend of mine.

In this manner and more, you can learn a lot from those around you. Open your eyes and let in the knowledge flood your senses.

***

Before I end my tributes, I would to make some honorable mentions to a few more I hold close to my heart.

Sreejith sir, who taught me Science in tenth. Simply put, he was someone who knew how to teach, and I'm proud to say I was his student.

Kochrani ma'am, who taught me Sanskrit in tenth. Again, she taught in such a way so as to inspire us to be better at the subject.

Chandrasekhar sir, who taught me Chemistry in twelfth. He had pronunciation issues and some personal trauma at that time. But he showed perseverance in teaching us.

Reeba ma'am, who was my project guide in college. She made us realize that not all strict teachers are indeed strict.

Mini ma'am, who was my staff adviser in college. She kept on supporting us in spite of our internal bickering, and kept believing in us for those four years.

And to my father and my mother, who were heavily instrumental in any trait that I've now.

Thank you all. I know it's coming a day late, but

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

***

That's all for this week.

If you are interested in reading more, I did a piece mid-week, which can be found here.

And I had written about my last exam in Mathematics in another blog, which can be found here.

So, see you next week.

Have a great weekend!!!

Ormayundo?

Somebody asked me to write a story.. So here it is..

To avoid the reader imagining a personality or a character as I define it, I'll not be going into a detailed description of the protagonist, his friends and his adversaries. This has not been done to protect the identities of those actually involved.

***

***

Free hours were not that hard to come by in the four years he spent at college. The assigned professor might not turn up; the students might have decided to bunk class en masse; the lab might have been suspended; the class might been cancelled to let the students prepare for some festival happening at the college; someone(anyone) might have called a strike; etc etc. If not for any of those, you could quite easily have decided not to attend the class, and instead spend your time loitering around the campus.

But in the first year of college, it was never advisable for a fresher to wander around the campus. The officially-free-of-ragging-campus had indeed had some ragging left in it. So in their first academic year at the college, he and his classmates would spend the free hours inside the classroom, passing the time by holding games like anthakshari or dumb charades.

The story I've to tell you happens on one such free hour, when the whole class was playing dumb charades, and he was miming the name of a movie across to his team. The movie was a Malayalam one, "Pedakozhi koovuna Nootandu" - which would mean something like "The century where the hen crows at dawn".

After successfully communicating to his team that the phrase is a movie, a Malayalam movie, a Malayalam movie with three words, he proceeded to split the first word into two, and tried to mimic the second part of it. If you have played the game, you would understand that this is pretty much a standard procedure.

So the word he was trying to get across now was "kozhi", which means Chicken/Rooster. Now, I don't know about you, but in our time, the pet name of "kozhi" (rooster) in a batch was reserved for the guy who tried the most to flirt with the opposite sex. And, up till that moment, this batch of no-gooders hadn't decided whom to call that. Yet.

If you thought that our friend got the name "kozhi" just because he enacted one, then you are wrong. His rather weak acting skills made it tough for most of his teammates to deduce what was being depicted. She was the first one to recognize the fowl he was being. And she cried, "Kozhi!! Kozhi!!", and then in a few seconds rolled off the whole movie name.

As he was celebrating with his teammates, the captain of the opposite team made the remark that "She called you a 'kozhi'."

In a few seconds, this one-liner spread throughout the class (and later throughout the campus), and the name has stuck with him ever since. He never flirted any more than any other guy you would meet in that campus. But being the wrongful owner of one of the worst tags in college, his life was never the same.

But that is not the worst part either. One of his classmates at that time, another girl, got a higher option in Medicine and left their group. She came back after a year or two to attend some fest, and the class was saying their hello to her. In between, he propped up and asked her, "Ormayundo?" ("Do you remember me?").

You have to sympathize with her. She was only in our company for a month or two, and she couldn't recollect all our names. So, when she said, "Oh pinnae.. Kozhi allae." (Of course. You are "kozhi".), he could do no more than feel sorry for her.

But that was not the case with his classmates. The one-liner came out again.

"She called you a 'kozhi'."

5 things for this week (Part 22)

Well, today is a special day. Because we have our first guest post in this series. But due to the nature of the content being discussed, the author has insisted that he remain incognito for this post. Nonetheless, I would like you to welcome him and appreciate his ingenuous piece on ingenious ways to feel more happy at work.

***

The month of March is very special. The cycle of seasons finish one more lap, and the month welcomes the season of Spring. After the cold weather leaves the land barren, Spring heralds the coming of new life everywhere. Flowers start blossoming, rivers start gushing with more water, animals come out of hibernation - basically, life celebrates the arrival of the spring sun.

And you would normally expect the homo sapiens to take part in the same "festival". But most of us are forced to curb our natural inclination towards having a jovial time. This is because, while our fellow fauna use the Autumn season to stockpile resources, we tend to use the season of Spring for the same task.

The month of March in the season of Spring is that time of the year, when everyone (except those on probation) are busy filing out their yearly review form. They are on their best behaviour; putting in those extra hours at the office, which will take them higher on the list.. And they are all doing this for the same thing.

INCREMENT.

I have done the same too. Now, please let me tell you the gist of what I learned from my said efforts.

Hard work, dedication, loyalty and good behaviour may be the conventional methods to improve your career, but it doesn't give you 100% satisfaction on the increment front. A change in stance from management; an unlucky mistake on your part leading to a black mark; the now never mentioned 'recession'; or a multitude of other factors can put a spanner in that double digit increment you were looking forward to.

But don't worry Ladies and Gentlemen. Don't worry any more. I'm here to give you five sure shot methods to increase your salary.. But before that, let me explain to you the basic terms we are going to use here..

1. CTC : Cost To Company. It is just what it reads. It is the net amount that the company has to spend to keep you slaving for them. Remember the term properly. We are going to misuse this term for our benefit. ;)
2. Working hours : We are going to assume that the normal working hours is 8 hours.
3. Daily wages : The money we earn for working a day (that is a minimum of 8 hours).

So, as a part of the "5 things" series on this blog, here are the five ways you can increase your CTC.

Did you know that you can increase your CTC by...

1. ...taking more stationery?

Need a book to write down the expenses at home? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a pen to write an exam? Issue it from the stationery.
Need some color markers to give to a friend who is currently studying? Issue it from the stationery.

Need some stick-ons to write down the grocery list? Issue it from the stationery.
Need a stamp pad/glue stick/file clamp/folder or just some blank A4 papers? Issue it from the stationery.

The amount of money spent by the company to keep up the inventory at the stationery is a part of the CTC that is consumed by you. This has been termed as cheap/stealing by few, but so is not rewarding you according to your hard work.

2. ...by taking the "Phone a friend" helpline?

"Phone a friend" is an option available to the contestant taking part in the famous "Kaun Banega Crorepati". While answering a series of questions, each with continually increasing prize money, if the contestant feels like he needs help, he can choose this option and ask one of his friend.

You could use the same option too. You must have an office landline phone near you. Use it to the maximum.

Call your girlfriend and talk about where to meet up today.
Call your college friends and discuss the latest escapades.
Call your parents and try to convince them why you don't want to save money right now.
Call your relatives and enquire about their health.
Call your bank and inquire about their new credit card offer.
Call your grocery store and place an order.
Call that guy with the weird laugh you met at that wedding years ago, and check if he still laughs like that.

And no prize for guessing who pays the bill for all these calls.

3. ...by surfing?

Not that kind of surfing.

I meant surfing the internet. Sites maybe blocked, but an obstacle has never stopped an enterprising man. [Hint : Proxy sites]

4. ...by looking busy?

I learnt quickly in my previous job that this has to be a skill that you can pull off with ease. It doesn't matter if you are working to meet the target, or looking at the latest "page 3" pictures, the look on your face must be the same - of someone who's very busy in doing something. And if someone tries to break this monotony, react as if you were pulled away from something important. This reduces the workload and keeps people from dumping work on you.

5. ...by doing shit?

This doesn't mean that you should not do anything. This just means what it literally means - go shit. It can be mathematically proved that spending time in the restroom is equivalent to a whole week of holiday.

If you spend 10 minutes in the restroom, sitting on the thinking chair, everyday, every week, every month; then it means 50 minutes per week. As there is 52 weeks in an year, that equates to 2600 minutes per year. For those of you lazy enough to convert that into hours, it is 43.33 hours.

As there are 8 hours in a normal working day, this means that you are getting paid more than 5 days worth of daily wages every year for sitting on the other chair at the office.

Now, there's a happy thought.

Well, that's it from me. Hope you liked the little mischievous ways for increasing your CTC.

***

Those were some mischievous way to increase your CTC indeed. I don't endorse it, but it's always good to know your options.

Now, I'll take your leave till next week. I'm working on another blog, and hopefully it'll be up soon.

Anyways, see you later.

Have a great weekend!!!