Of the four seasons that GOD has destined
for us to enjoy, I absolutely, most definitely and with full conviction hate
the season of summer.
After I've forced myself to change, I'll have to confront the reminders of good old times. Whenever I walk into MGF and hear that Black Eyed Peas song on the loop; whenever I see the infamous Lee Cooper Tshirt; whenever I feel like doing something stupid; whenever I feel like saying FUAH to someone; when I try to teach someone else the language of LLUMA; whenever I try yo make someone notice the chick near us by telling what o'clock she is to him; I'm gonna be reminded.
But let me tell you now itself. This stage of my life will pass. Because it has happened before. Because it will happen again. If we draw an analogy, when a loved dies, the tears shed for them a year later will less than 1% of what was shed in the immediate aftermath. It is basic human behaviour. It is something which helps us to move along in life. We continue with our life, although slightly skewed from before. And it is because of the gift of obliterating memories. In layman terms, that would meant the act of forgetting.
And it's not that we forget the person or the memories. We tend to remember them less. It doesn't make them any less of an influence on your life past. But it makes sure that they are not a negative influence on your future life.
So, anna*, as the time to bid goodbye dawns near, let me thank you for being there for me. And I hope I can have pleasure of having chawal, dal and roti at your wedding as soon as possible.. :P
But till then, I'll be here, carrying on with my life, thanking GOD for gifting man the power of selective amnesia.
I hate it so much that if summer where a person, I would
be inclined to put into practice my long term plan of shooting it - point
blank, twice and at the heart - and then cutting off its head, just to make
sure that it is dead.
Now, you might be thinking what in the
whole wide world has summer done to me, to make a normally forgiving,
non-violent person as myself, to execute it
in such a gruesome manner? (even though, only in my dreams).
It’s not the unbearable heat when you are
outdoors, or the oven style baking when you are indoors. It’s not the hot winds
burning your skins, or the mini-sandstorms that come with it. It’s not even
because I have had to wake up in the middle of the night, from a pool of my own
sweat, so that I can pour some naturally boiled water down my parched throat.
No, it’s not any of these that make me hate summer.
It’s the goodbyes that I’ve
had to say during summers for the past few years.
I know that this might sound as logical as
driving your car with the handbrake on. The adieu’s that I’ve had to say had
come because of various other reasons, things that I could never control. And
it’s entirely plausible that these partings could have happened at any other
point in time, in some other season perhaps. But as fate would have it, they
happened, and they happened, one after the other, over four consecutive
summers.
You see, I was supposed to hate summer. It’s my destiny.
In the summer of 2010, I had to say goodbye
to everything I believed was constant. Please don't fault me for thinking so.
Since I was a child, I always liked to believe that my home, my family, my
parents, my brother, my friends, my city would all be my own forever, and I’ll
be able to be with them forever too. Even though, I knew that I would have to
shift 3000km to the north when I accepted the job at GS, getting on to that
train on the morning of 26th June, 2010 was like a rude awakening
from a pleasant dream.
In a span of 3 days, my life had all
changed. For the first time in 21 years, I was to spend more than a week away
from home. I wouldn’t have my father near to listen to, I wouldn’t have my
mother near to talk to; I wouldn’t have my brother near to fight with. All of
my friends were placed elsewhere. It was me and this brand new, unforgiving
city. Thank you, summer of 2010. :-/
And that’s when I made two new friends in
Anupam and Alok. The trio of us was newly employed at the same company, had no
intent to save money, and had lots of free time. That was seemingly the secret ingredients you needed to make my stay here better.
What followed were lots of
late night outings in the city, trips to Delhi, and just hanging out at our
favorite mall, the MGF Metropolitian (which we affectionately called “tharavadu*”) . Even though people always say
to me that booze is a must for any hangout, this spell of friendship affirmed
my opinion that it ain’t so.
And then came the summer of 2011. After a
bout of diseases, and appalled by the overall uncleanness of the city and its people,
Anupam decided to leave to his dream destination of Singapore. He got admission
to the National University of Singapore, and bid goodbye to us at the end of
May 2011.
His absence was offset by the arrival of
seven malayali juniors (you can call us mallus, but we prefer to call ourselves
malayli). And that was supplemented by a few more malayali seniors, in an
apparent move by our company to make me happier. And then came a different
spell of life - one which involved less money, but more time. We were a huge group, we
didn’t go out much, but we sat at home and had a great time. I don’t know how
to describe it, but it felt like I was in college again.
If my life was a drama, and if that drama
had a script, then at that point of time, it would read – “Enter Stage Left.
Summer of 2012”.
I don't know how many goodbyes I had to say over 2012. As one person went for a new job in a new city, another changed to a different company in the same sity. Then there was the one which went off for higher studies. And it all culminated with my bother of a brother also leaving our home at Trivandrum, moving to Mangalore to pursue his B.Tech degree at the NIT there. All in all, this summer sucked too.
Noticing a trend that the people I held close were being moved away from me by an unseen hand, I unconsciously decided to concentrate more on passions than people. Playing football, following developments in football and playing FIFA became my mainstay during this next spell. I was sure that the summer wouldn't be able to pull one on me anymore.
But it happened again. By the time the summer of 2013 rolled in, the only other guy with the same passion as me in playing FIFA has moved away, and so has the other guy who shared with me the urge to play football every weekend.
Now, this would seem like a victory to the summer over me. But in true Mortal Kombat style, it decided to give me a Knock Out Blow just to make sure. This summer has taken from me the one constant I've had here in the past three years. I've always said that he was the older brother I never wanted, but still, if you want me to make it look like the Batman dialogue - "He is not the brother you want; he is the brother you need."
When I come back from my vacation on May 27th, I'll have a new Gurgaon to encounter. I'll have to make new friends, renew some old friendships and find ways to make myself drag me over the line in this race of life. It is because of these changes that I've to make on myself that I hate the summer.
Noticing a trend that the people I held close were being moved away from me by an unseen hand, I unconsciously decided to concentrate more on passions than people. Playing football, following developments in football and playing FIFA became my mainstay during this next spell. I was sure that the summer wouldn't be able to pull one on me anymore.
But it happened again. By the time the summer of 2013 rolled in, the only other guy with the same passion as me in playing FIFA has moved away, and so has the other guy who shared with me the urge to play football every weekend.
Now, this would seem like a victory to the summer over me. But in true Mortal Kombat style, it decided to give me a Knock Out Blow just to make sure. This summer has taken from me the one constant I've had here in the past three years. I've always said that he was the older brother I never wanted, but still, if you want me to make it look like the Batman dialogue - "He is not the brother you want; he is the brother you need."
When I come back from my vacation on May 27th, I'll have a new Gurgaon to encounter. I'll have to make new friends, renew some old friendships and find ways to make myself drag me over the line in this race of life. It is because of these changes that I've to make on myself that I hate the summer.
After I've forced myself to change, I'll have to confront the reminders of good old times. Whenever I walk into MGF and hear that Black Eyed Peas song on the loop; whenever I see the infamous Lee Cooper Tshirt; whenever I feel like doing something stupid; whenever I feel like saying FUAH to someone; when I try to teach someone else the language of LLUMA; whenever I try yo make someone notice the chick near us by telling what o'clock she is to him; I'm gonna be reminded.
But let me tell you now itself. This stage of my life will pass. Because it has happened before. Because it will happen again. If we draw an analogy, when a loved dies, the tears shed for them a year later will less than 1% of what was shed in the immediate aftermath. It is basic human behaviour. It is something which helps us to move along in life. We continue with our life, although slightly skewed from before. And it is because of the gift of obliterating memories. In layman terms, that would meant the act of forgetting.
And it's not that we forget the person or the memories. We tend to remember them less. It doesn't make them any less of an influence on your life past. But it makes sure that they are not a negative influence on your future life.
So, anna*, as the time to bid goodbye dawns near, let me thank you for being there for me. And I hope I can have pleasure of having chawal, dal and roti at your wedding as soon as possible.. :P
But till then, I'll be here, carrying on with my life, thanking GOD for gifting man the power of selective amnesia.
* tharavadu – ancestral home
* anna - brother
* anna - brother
