3 Random Things - Week 13

"There are no free lunches!!"

The first time I heard this was at the Woodlands Restaurant near my school. My school started at 7 in the morning and would finish by 1. One particular day, I was grabbing a quick lunch after school, before tuition. As I was finishing my lunch, in walks my crush with her dad. They didn't even notice I was there.

So, I panicked, gulped down whatever was on my plate, washed my hands and raced to the exit door. And that was when I felt a tap on my shoulder and the aforementioned dialogue. By the way, they noticed that.

As I have trudged through another twenty years of life, I have never heard that dialogue again. But like in each of Aesop's fables, across varies situations in life, I have realised that this was lesson to be learnt.

***

1. Why is your email free?

I felt like going back to 2012 - the year the world was supposed to end. So, I set a year filter on my email and took a ride back in time. And that's when I remembered that I was part of the generation which forwarded an email to ten people to avoid bad luck. Cringey? Wait till the post where I tell you what I found on Facebook (or what went to the grave with Orkut).

Anyways, it got me thinking. Why would a company pay a considerable amount of money to upkeep the data on servers around the world, so that I can read the nonsensical email that I sent a decade ago?

Well, alongwith every waste email, I'm giving them access to everything I'm doing. They might say (and they might actually) not read the email, but they do read where I got the mail from, and maybe the subject line. That's enough data.

For example, if I get a mail saying my car loan is sanctioned, they can use it to show me advertisements of car keys. And not just any car keys, car keys related to my favourite football club. And how do they know which my favourite football club is? Well, I hope you guessed that.

2. Capturing the market

The market, according to marketing teams, are pretty easy to manipulate. Unfortunately, us, the market, keep proving them right time and again. Again going back to 2012 and coming back, the major "disruptors" in all fields - think food delivery, can service, digital wallets, mobile services - they all seem to have one thing in common. They come in with a bucketload of freebies, make us get used to a certain way of life, and then start charging us living our life in the manner that they have dictated.

Is this life more comfortable and easier? Yes. Yes, it is. However, it's costlier too. So the next time someone offers you something for free, just think about how you would feel paying for it a few years later.

3. Electoral Bonds

I'm no expert on the subject. People far more intelligent have written and spoken about it. For your sake, I hope you make an effort to go through this topic.

***

A nomadic thought visited me whole writing this. What was the last invention/advancement which made the human race go "WOW!!!". Pretty much everything that are being done today have been fictionally created but authors decades ago. Personally, I am rooting for a conveniently compartmentalized time control apparatus. As with any time machine, you don't want the entire timeline to go back or forth - that would be like skipping to the end of the movie.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 12

Impromptu bungle.

My love story with low minimum pass mark, no negative marking, objective exams continues. This time it was for a certification to sell insurance, which is now apparently mandatory in banks. If you are having trouble imagining an example of such an exam, think about the driving license learners exam. These things are effectively a survey. You can choose options at random, and the result is exactly what they want it to be. In this case, the certification of the individual.

Anyways, it is never about the destination, but the journey. Likewise, this week's story is not about the test, but the journey to the test center and back. The center was at an institute in the main road along Thammannam in Kochi. Kochi-ites will know that it is not the ideal place to park a car.

So, I parked my car at Palarivattom Metro Station, took an auto for the 3km ride and ended up paying a whimsical Rs.70.

After the exam, I had some extra time to spare till Ammu and Appu reached. I decided to save the seventy rupees. So, in the not-so-wise words of Marshall from HIMYM, I said, "I can walk that far."

Remember - despite running that 10k marathon that one time all those years ago - recently, I've been actively avoiding any activity which would require me to get up from where I was sitting. This one journey would probably beat the sum total of the distance I would have covered in a non-mall environment in the entirety of 2023.

Well, I did finish the walk unscathed. And this week's random things are the from the walk.

***

1. Gym

It is good to know that, unlike me, other people are more interested in their health. This is evident from the number of Gyms I saw on this short walk (SHORT!!!). I counted up to four before I lost interest. And there was a common trend, beyond the photos of the barely covered chiseled bodies up front. All of these Gyms were located on the top most floor of their buildings - buildings, which were mostly three/four stories in height, and wouldn't have elevators. It seems like there's a daily entrance exam for going to the gym.

2. Nose job

If you are regularly travelling faster than the speed with which your brain recognises the scents picked up by your nose, you might be inclined to believe that your nose is not doing it's job. So, this walk gave me an opportunity to realise how much I've been missing. The mouthwatering smell that originates when crispy chips are fried in oil, or the smell from the various trays at the local bakery, or freshly brewed coffee at the tea shop, or the aroma from the perfume shop - you need time to take in and appreciate these smells.

3. Net zero

Well, you guessed it. I spent the money I would have spent on the return auto ride on pastries and soft drinks. Come to think of it, I might have gained calories at the end of the walk.

***

P.P.S. Car parking at Palarivattom Metro Station was free. At least, I think so. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 11

Memories.

Memories serve us and remind us in a lost of ways - as bookmarks, as lessons, as expectations, as forecasts - shining through as ready of hope in despair, or bringing us to ground when the heart wants to fly high.

Now, it's time for the tricky question. Does happy memories make you sad? Does sad memories make you happy? Nope? Just me? Very well then. I can atleast express the theory behind my viewpoint here.

If you are feeling sad, you can reminiscence sadder memories from your past to make your present seem bearable. If you are of the quirky kind, who wants to search for sadness even when you have reason to be happy, bring forth to the center stage of your kind the happiest memory you have. Nothing will hold up against it.

For this week, we have three random memories.

***

1. 5 star fraud

The year is 2015. Both of them grew up in typical middle class family framework. As a newly married couple, they decided to splurge some cash, and have dinner at Marriott one day. Both of them looked splendid in their new apparel as they made their way from their car to the reception. The dinner was uneventful. At the end came the bill.

If you are a fan of old Malayalam movies like me, think of "See Maggi, I'm paying the bill" scene, or the Vishu scene from Kabooliwala.

I repeat. The year is 2015. The commonly.accepted payment methods were cash or card. Universally accepted mobile payment methods were yet to enter the market. Her dress didn't have any pockets, he forgot to take his wallet.

Thankfully, the staff were courteous and mindful of.our predicament. They let me go back home, and come back with my card. Just me, mind you. Not the perfect date night.

P.S. If.you open my phone case, you will find a Rs.500 note. Now you know why.

2. I'm coming home

Grand gestures were never my thing. I tend to believe that my strength lies in the subtle art of chori-ing. A little bit of misdirection and a lot of over complication.

Dec 5th, 2012. I called my mother from Gurgaon and told her that I'm having a fever, and that I'm going to sleep. Two minutes later, I was sitting in the aisle seat trying to get a glimpse of the cute airhostess, as we were preparing for takeoff on our flight to Trivandrum.

A surprise visit on the eve of their 25th wedding anniversary was my gift.

3. Numbers

This past week was pretty eventful numberwise for me. I've this vestigial function hardwired in my brain to sum up the numbers of all number plates I see on the road. Once used as a hack to pass time while traveling, this programs runs on auto mode these days, throwing up alerts only on hitting specific predetermined conditions.

This week was the first time I saw two random vehicles, having their registration numbers from the same number series, and within 100 difference of each other. It was KL 70 G 71xx and KL 70 G 72xx. The xx is for data security, because I'm trying to protect the identity of the owner of the vehicles, and not because I forgot the numbers.

I also happened to see a double reverse. A KL 64 and a KL 71 registration being closely followed on the road by a KL 46 and a KL 17.

Lucky me.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 10

Innocence

Kids say the cutest things. Do you know why? Because their innocence is yet to be tainted. The way they think, the way they find a connection between two unrelated things and the way they make conclusions regarding situations around them are astounding because of this reason alone.

Don't worry. The system and us will spend a decade knocking it out of them. And when they start toeing the line, we will have won. But until then, I can enjoy the free entertainment show put on by my four year old. Well, almost free. Have you ever gone shopping with her?

***

1. Food

Someone brought Appu a small toy cat as a gift. She loved it so much that she started carrying it everywhere. My mom asked her if she wanted a real cat. Appu said yes. My mom then informed her that the cat will grow up and become a big cat, and then Appu can't carry it everywhere.

My four year old had a simple solution. "I won't give it any food. Then it won't grow up."

2. Money

This is the typical response from every child. But still it's something which really pulls on the heart strings.

One Monday morning, as I was about to leave for office, Appu came and asked me not to go to office, and instead play with her all day like we did yesterday. The conversation went like this.

"Acha. Don't go to office."

"I have to go to office."

"Please don't go. Let's play like yesterday."

"What else did we do yesterday?"

"We went shopping."

"And what did we buy?"

"Toys and candy."

"How did we buy that?"

"With money."

"So, why do I have to go to office?"

"To make money."

*Pause*

*Gets up, runs away, and comes back with a box*

"Here is all my money, don't go to office."

She had brought her coin box.

P.S. Now, I tell her that I go to office to help my friends. She's okay with the explanation.

3. Backseat driver

"Why are you going fast?"

"Do you see that lorry?"

"Why are you talking while driving?"

My daughter has been trained by her mother and her grandmother in the dark arts of backseat driving. She is now the de facto mouthpiece for them, showering the driver with the above comments. Of course, she hasn't picked up the exact science behind the theme.

This weekend, Appu insisted on going to the Park, while the other two ladies decided they do not want to walk to much. This culminated in Appu hitching a bike ride with her father and her grandfather to Malampuzha Park.

On reaching the location, it was unanimously decided to take the Ropeway. Whole on the Ropeway, my father and myself were looking and commenting on the lights put up for the flower show, when we suddenly heard her say, "Don't talk while driving."

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 9

I can't start writing this any later. Of course, that is a figurative way of speech. There's literally two hours and forty four minutes for me to start, but that would leave me with just a minute to finish the blog.

I've had a rough week, all around. You know, the sort of week when "if it can go wrong, it'll go wrong" is the earworm. I have had two blog ideas at two thirds stage for the entire week, but haven't been able to put a beginning or an end to it.

So, this is going to be an impromptu blog, looking back at my old blogs.

***

1. Ormayundo - written on Sep 3rd, 2013

This is the most read post on this blog. No self introspection, no meandering paragraphs, no significant storyline. I guess, comedy is always king.

2. When I asked a certain someone to write a guest post - written on Aug 8th, 2014

"Due to yours truly being temporarily disposed of, I requested our last guest writer Saiprasad, my dear brother to write today's post. Mr."I can't work creatively with deadlines" declined. And I turned to my close friend, Sreerenjini, who after some persuassion decided to indulge us with a short post on the books which influenced her. So, without further ado, here's what she has to say. Enjoy!!!"

Yes. This was written when she was not just my friend.

3. Opinions - written on May 16, 2014

"A single party has won the minimum required majority in the Lok Sabha. It was something I always wanted to happen, as one of the main excuses laid out to explain the stuttering development in this nation has been the influence of regional parties.

Now, a single party can take the decision and lead us on. "To where?" is a very valid question."

Tomorrow I'm having half day off, as a half day holiday has been declared for all Central Government offices.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 8

 After-party

The last two posts were a bit heavy, and so I wanted to make this one lighter. This is the time people would be trying to find the funnier side of their new year resolutions. I have decided to go another way today - the fun in the after party.

Those who have drinks claim that that is the way to have a good time. Those who don't have drinks will say that you don't need drinks to have a good time. Now, those who don't have drinks, but still goes to the party will say that the best way to have a good time is to watch others get drunk and then do/say things.

And today, for your guilty pleasure, I bring to you three such stories of drunken innocence. For the anonymity of the protagonists, we will describe all of these as stories of Mr.Raj.

P.S. The stories mentioned below never happened in real life. I pinky swear.

***

1. Tequila Sunrise

This was the first time Raj had had alcohol in his life. It was a party for something (nobody remembers why there was a party, but just a vague recollection that there indeed was a party on that day). Raj started off with beer, and with enough cajoling ended up having some stronger drinks as well. One of his friends, who recently returned from Bangalore, was going on about the variety of drinks that he had had at Pubs over there.

Like at the end of most parties, the entire group went outside the room at around midnight, because someone said they wanted icecream. Shepherded by the non-drinkers, the group eventually got to the icecream parlour and everyone placed their order, as best as they could.

A poor boy, working the graveyard shift, was distributing the icecreams. Suddenly, Raj started quarelling with him. Raj was enraged by the fact that the Tequila sunrise he ordered didn't actually have Tequila.

2. Smoking is injurious to health

Raj had started drinking, but not smoking. Being a sane person, he knew the bad effects of smoking. But once he got drunk, the sane person would leave the building, and so Raj started smoking when he had drinks. This story is from the first time he smoked.

Actually, this story is from the next day. The party went on late into the night, Raj got back to his home early in the morning, and went to sleep without breakfast. By 12pm, a slightly hungover Raj came out of his room and asked for food. His mother said that rice is ready, and asked him to take lunch by himself, as she was doing some gardening.

Raj started eating the food, and his soul left his body. He could taste the smoke from last night in the food he was having. He panicked, went to his room, brushed his teeth again, came back and tried the food. No difference. He went to his room, and called his friend, trying to get some advice on dealing with the problem. His friend, who was also knackered from the party last night, was not picking up the phone.

As Raj kept trying to connect with his friend, he heard his sister call out to his mother from the dining room.

"Ammae. Chettan choor ividae vachittu poi. Ith adiyil pidichu ena thonunnae. Karinju irupunde."

("Amma. He has left without eating anything. This rice is smelling weird. I think it got burned while cooking.")

3. Orthodox drinking

As we move along the drinking career of Raj, we see him arriving late for a party one day, as he was working late at office. Actually, he had worked late, went out with his office friends, had some drinks and now reached this party - the reason being that someone had sponsored a Whisky for this party. This was the first time Raj was having Whisky in his life. He went up to the designated bartender of the group and said without much inhibition, "I'll have one large whisky - orthodox".

"Enthutt??" was the reply in typical Thrissur slang. ("What?")

It took some time and explanation from Raj for all to understand that he had meant to say "on the rocks".

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.

3 Random Things - Week 7

Cry.

Do  you remember crying for a feeling other than that of pain or sadness? Out of frustration perhaps, maybe out of helplessness, probably out of a dawning realisation that you are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes even out of happiness?

I've. We all have.

***

November

When you don't feel at ease with the state of your professional and your personal life, you can breakdown during your daily walk on a chilly November evening. Hopefully, you will end up evaluating your life and where you want it to go, and end up taking the Leap of faith. And I hope it gets you where you hoped to be, like it has for me.

2. Onam 2019

If you happened to be at the Neonatal ICU wing of Amrita Hospital at 9am on any day between 7th August 2019 and 21st September 2019, you would have run into me. The princess snoring next to me right now was born nearly three months premature, and that was the visiting time for parents to see their child at the NICU.

I've a very bad memory, so thankfully whatever images I had to see there have been wiped clean in my head. But I still remember one day in particular. She had a recurrence of an infection, and they had stopped feeding her altogether. The doctor told me that morning that there was not much to do, but wait for 24 hours to see how she responds to medicine.

I was on my way to office after hearing that. We were celebrating Onam at office on that day. I had reached this intersection near Kaloor, and I just couldn't drive anymore. I stopped the bike by the side. The helmet hid the tears running down my face. I called in sick and went back home.

3. Onam 2020

You don't need to be a genius to figure out why tears were running down my face on a cold morning in August 2020. It was Onam again, and I had my princess in my arms.

***

So, that's all for this week then.

Have a great weekend!!

'til next week.